Suddenly Gone
The hardest part of losing someone suddenly (in this case, our brand new puppy) is playing the "what-if" game.
Knowing that if I had just made a few different choices that day, he may still be with us.
If I had left him in the house rather than bringing him outside while the kids were running around, he'd still be alive.
If I had made sure he was by my side instead of laying by the door, he'd still be alive.
If Lee hadn't started up the bike, he'd still be alive.
If I had been sitting with him when he was spooked by the noise of the bike, he'd still be alive.
If Lee's sister hadn't stopped by to have him change the oil on the truck, we wouldn't have been sitting outside, he'd still be alive.
If we had sat inside with the kids, which we should have done because it was 35degrees outside, he'd still be alive.
If I had taken him to the emergency vet Saturday night when I thought something seemed off, he'd still be alive.
I should have left him inside. It was too hot for him to be outside. The kids were too much for him. He was exhausted. He was only 8 weeks old. I should have kept him in the house.
But, none of those "what if's" happened, and instead he was laying by the stairs to go in the house, got spooked by the loud noise, turned and bolted to get inside, only to run head first into the cement stair.
He seemed off Saturday night. We thought it was just exhaustion from playing outside in the heat with the kids. He had trouble standing, his muscles shaking. We thought he overdid it, and we let him rest.
Sunday morning he still seemed exhausted. Still had some trouble standing, but was able to get up on all 4 legs.
Sunday afternoon he could no longer hold his head up. Within minutes of not having the strength to hold his head up, he started with little tremors all over his body. And not 15 minutes later, he was having major convulsions, foaming at the mouth, eyes unresponsive.
I held him in my arms and tried to provide whatever comfort I could. I held him and stroked his fur, and gave him all the love I could.
And then he died.
If only I had kept him in the house.