the chaos known as life

Aug 19, 2006 11:48

what the crap? and update? no friggin way

yea way

ok so recap of my life since the last time i wrote

Life at LCA sucked. sophomore year was just off. everything was soo different from freshmen year. people just were not the same i hated it. People were so fake. i hate fake people. why cant they just be themselves. i dont see why people have to put up simulated personas. anywho throughout sophomore year i struggled with my own idenity. i knew who i was and pretty much what i was about and stuff but it was never good enough. the feeling of incompleteness, dispare, frustration, and every other low life senses always hung over me like a dark cloak only revealing happiness hope and feedome every once and a while. amongst all this i was finally diagnosed with depression. not the dumb depression like "o the world is out to get me everything suck and im gonna sulk cuz i can" no i have a sever chemical imbalence that could be fixed with surgery but its risky so for now pills are takign care of it. during one of those rare moments i found an amazing guy.....or so i thought. things were good for a while. i was in love it seemed. i thought God was finally answering my prayers and was giving me someone i could be happy with and love unconditionally. this star struck love lasted six beautiful months. then to my suprise he broke it off. i think he had the worst timing EVER! it was a thursday two days after my birthday and i hadnt seen him in a week the next day was finals and i was so excited i was going to see the so called love of my life which made me happy cuz i had been in a pretty sucky mood the past couple of days cuz i had found out some news that was a bit upsetting and i had yet to tell him. so we were going to go on our ushaull walk and i was gonna tell him. but right when i see him befor i can even say hi.....what does the bastard do?! he brakes up with me and just walks away. i was left there devistated. but praise the lord i got through finals and summer started and everything turned out ok. my few true amazing friends helpped me get through it all. they helpped me see that i am yong and still have a whole life ahead of me and that i shouldnt put my life and happiness in the hands of another person. i guess its good im not with him anymore.....besides he has a big vocabulary but a small incompetent dicktionary XP. then i was finally able to come down the cape for good for the summer. i auditioned for a show at the hjt. i got in. so that was good. the show pretty much consumed my life from june 10th to august 3rd. every miniute of the show and time spent at the hjt i cheerrish. the people there are unlike anyone else in my life and are pretty much my family. so all summer life has been rele good. which is amazing i dont think i have ever been this happy. sure i had to have one unexpected surgery at the begining of summer but after that everything is now going pretty smoothly. now summer has almost come to an end which is sad and i will miss all my hjt friends dearly. im going to a new school this year tho which should be interesting. im going into lexington public high school as a jr. so i'll have all my old friends back of whom i love and i think it should be a blast. but i will be down the cape on some weekends i'm deffinatly coming down to see the rocky horror picture show. alot of amazing people who i love are in it so it should be great. i was suppose to in it as janet but when the director called to tell me so he got my mum instead and she said i couldnt do it cuz it would interfear with school and she didnt want to drive back and forth from lexington to the cape everyday. wich is understandable but dissapointing at the same time.

wow that was a long ramble but w/e now its all out of my system

maybe i'll update this more often?

ok well im off to P-town with mikaela!

xoxo allie
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