well fuck.
So I havent been posting often because I THOUGHT I was moving on to a new life.
I was busy planning the big move. Cleaning my room, making boxes.
I guess fucking not.
Yeah. He changed his mind. So now I have to look at all these fuckin packed boxes waiting for him to decided the move is a good idea. Really I’m fine if he thinks it’s a bad idea. In fact 2 MONTHS AGO when all this shit started I would ask him like 9 times a day “are you sure?” anytime it came up “are you sure, your okay with this? This is what you want?” and then fuckin a how he decided to tell me it’s a no go.
So he texts me and tells me next time I come over to bring a box. My little eyes light up and I spent most of my time dreaming about fixing up his bathroom (I really fucking hate his bathroom) so he comes over and apparently he just burst into tears on the way over and has no idea why.
Gee. I wonder.
So I do as much as I can gives hugs and then he finally says “money is too tight I don’t think we should do the move right now” I try. I try really hard not to slap him and start crying for 2 hours.
I do understand where he is coming from. I swear to god I get it. But for 2 months you never seemed that worried about it. I dunno. Maybe I just missed the signs because I was so excited. Still I did ask, like everyday…for like 2 weeks. Then asked once a week after that.
It’s just so damn depressing to be in my room now. Everything packed and no where to go. Plus I already told my mom and even my dad about the move. I even asked my mom for a loan to help buy food and pay his rent. I am not putting money toward rent if none of my shit is there. I am not buying him and his fucking bitch friend food.
I did get some good news. Kitty found another family to abuse. She should be moving summer~ish. Best part is shes moving like 4 states away. South Carolina? Somewhere like that. I wont have to compete for patricks affection anymore. She lived there for more then a year not living his family jackshit but nooo I cant come.
I know he’s going though some crazy life crisis I don’t fully understand. I mean SOMETHING is going on with him. But frankly I am getting kinda tired of his life crisis. Mostly because I;m having a pretty fucking hard time of it too. When I bring it up? He gets pissed, or crys, or just whines about lack of sleep and how there’s “no time” yet when he’s upset the world has to fucking stand still. We will pause life for an hour for him. That cant be done for me. Thing is I just stopped bringing up my shit. Which also pissed him off lol.
Well really I’m not talking about the real issue and why I’m on such fucking edge. I didn’t bleed this month. I took a test and it says I’m in the clear but I’ve never missed a period completely since I was 14. Turns out that shit is important because I feel like shit. The stress is just once part.
My parts always hurt. Like for a week straight I’ve had cramps, but no blood. I can barely get myself to wake up and when I do I feel like falling back asleep. Best part? I cant go to a doctor. I only have 66 bucks and fuck you I am not telling my mom I missed. She already think I’m fucking Prego all the time I don’t need her shit.
So now I get to send a whole fucking month scared out of my fucking mind. Taking the test are so stress full I nearly had a fucking nervous breakdown last time. Ugh.
I just wanted one good fucking thing.
Oh best part. Because I got sad he right away was like “no no it’s fine bring your stuff” fuck you. don’t humor me. Plus he fucking lied to me about going to a bar. I don’t know what the fuck is going on with him but it’s really pissing me off. First that issue with the girl in wow, then shows up at my door at 5 am crying and drunk because a friend of his says he “touch” her. Turns out that whole thing was a real misunderstanding but HE NEVER TOLD ME HE WAS AT A BAR!! He doesn’t even know why he didn’t tell me.
I’m sorry maybe I am a bitch but I’d like to know when the guy I love is getting drunk in Philly with 2 girls, one of whom I’ve never met or heard of before. Oh and then THE NEXT FUCKING DAY I get a call while he knows I’m in the shower “I cant get gas.” really? Cause yesterday you could afford to get trashed in philly with some girl I’ve never met but now you cant get gas to come see me.
Fuck you.
Any other guy that would have led to a HUGE fight where I would have attacked him but with him. It’s just hard. It’s hard to do things like that even when I want to. Like with the lieing I wanted to slap him. I really wanted to fucking hit him and scream in his face. But I couldn’t. best I could do is take the good blanket after giving him another.
I don’t know why that is but it sounds like a good thing.
I just don’t know. He has to snap out of this soon because it’s really starting to weigh on me. All his mini lil outburst are adding up.
I was busy planning the big move. Cleaning my room, making boxes.
I guess fucking not.
Yeah. He changed his mind. So now I have to look at all these fuckin packed boxes waiting for him to decided the move is a good idea. Really I’m fine if he thinks it’s a bad idea. In fact 2 MONTHS AGO when all this shit started I would ask him like 9 times a day “are you sure?” anytime it came up “are you sure, your okay with this? This is what you want?” and then fuckin a how he decided to tell me it’s a no go.
So he texts me and tells me next time I come over to bring a box. My little eyes light up and I spent most of my time dreaming about fixing up his bathroom (I really fucking hate his bathroom) so he comes over and apparently he just burst into tears on the way over and has no idea why.
Gee. I wonder.
So I do as much as I can gives hugs and then he finally says “money is too tight I don’t think we should do the move right now” I try. I try really hard not to slap him and start crying for 2 hours.
I do understand where he is coming from. I swear to god I get it. But for 2 months you never seemed that worried about it. I dunno. Maybe I just missed the signs because I was so excited. Still I did ask, like everyday…for like 2 weeks. Then asked once a week after that.
It’s just so damn depressing to be in my room now. Everything packed and no where to go. Plus I already told my mom and even my dad about the move. I even asked my mom for a loan to help buy food and pay his rent. I am not putting money toward rent if none of my shit is there. I am not buying him and his fucking bitch friend food.
I did get some good news. Kitty found another family to abuse. She should be moving summer~ish. Best part is shes moving like 4 states away. South Carolina? Somewhere like that. I wont have to compete for patricks affection anymore. She lived there for more then a year not living his family jackshit but nooo I cant come.
I know he’s going though some crazy life crisis I don’t fully understand. I mean SOMETHING is going on with him. But frankly I am getting kinda tired of his life crisis. Mostly because I;m having a pretty fucking hard time of it too. When I bring it up? He gets pissed, or crys, or just whines about lack of sleep and how there’s “no time” yet when he’s upset the world has to fucking stand still. We will pause life for an hour for him. That cant be done for me. Thing is I just stopped bringing up my shit. Which also pissed him off lol.
Well really I’m not talking about the real issue and why I’m on such fucking edge. I didn’t bleed this month. I took a test and it says I’m in the clear but I’ve never missed a period completely since I was 14. Turns out that shit is important because I feel like shit. The stress is just once part.
My parts always hurt. Like for a week straight I’ve had cramps, but no blood. I can barely get myself to wake up and when I do I feel like falling back asleep. Best part? I cant go to a doctor. I only have 66 bucks and fuck you I am not telling my mom I missed. She already think I’m fucking Prego all the time I don’t need her shit.
So now I get to send a whole fucking month scared out of my fucking mind. Taking the test are so stress full I nearly had a fucking nervous breakdown last time. Ugh.
I just wanted one good fucking thing.
Oh best part. Because I got sad he right away was like “no no it’s fine bring your stuff” fuck you. don’t humor me. Plus he fucking lied to me about going to a bar. I don’t know what the fuck is going on with him but it’s really pissing me off. First that issue with the girl in wow, then shows up at my door at 5 am crying and drunk because a friend of his says he “touch” her. Turns out that whole thing was a real misunderstanding but HE NEVER TOLD ME HE WAS AT A BAR!! He doesn’t even know why he didn’t tell me.
I’m sorry maybe I am a bitch but I’d like to know when the guy I love is getting drunk in Philly with 2 girls, one of whom I’ve never met or heard of before. Oh and then THE NEXT FUCKING DAY I get a call while he knows I’m in the shower “I cant get gas.” really? Cause yesterday you could afford to get trashed in philly with some girl I’ve never met but now you cant get gas to come see me.
Fuck you.
Any other guy that would have led to a HUGE fight where I would have attacked him but with him. It’s just hard. It’s hard to do things like that even when I want to. Like with the lieing I wanted to slap him. I really wanted to fucking hit him and scream in his face. But I couldn’t. best I could do is take the good blanket after giving him another.
I don’t know why that is but it sounds like a good thing.
I just don’t know. He has to snap out of this soon because it’s really starting to weigh on me. All his mini lil outburst are adding up.