(no subject)
The adventures of Nicole and I while surfing the internet. Scariest thing is most of these apply to us. HAHAHA!
You know you work in a hospital when:
-Nurses...here to save your ass, not kiss it!
-You believe that all the patient needs is some vitamin A (Ativan)
-You believe some patients are alive only because it's illegal to kill them
-You do the "only-27-more-minutes-of-the-shift-from-hell happy dance"
-You can't cure stupid
-You believe, if it's wet and sticky and not yours, leave it alone!
-You have seen more moons than the Hubble telescope
-To you the phrase, "divide and conquer" means getting two coworkers to help you change the bedsore dressing in the crack of a 400-pound patient.
-You no longer have a gag reflex
-You believe there's a special place in Hell for the inventor of the call light
-You think pizza, cookies, and coke make a balanced meal
-You can only tell time with a 24-hour clock
-You've ever thought, 'Patients, God love 'em, because today, I sure don't!'
-You believe that saying, 'It can't get any worse' causes it to get worse just to show you it can
-You wash your hands before you go to the bathroom
-You think it is acceptable to use "penis" and "vagina" in a normal conversation
-You look in your closet and can't find anything non-medical to wear
-You believe any job where you can drive to work in pajamas is a cool job
-Everyone gets treated exactly the same---until they PISS YOU OFF!
-The ER is a mixture of can do, can't do, and why the hell not!
-You can identify the following Syndromes: F.O.L. (Full Of Liquor) A.D.A.S.T.W. (Arrived Dead And Stayed That Way) W.O.T.A.M. (Waste of Time & Money)
-You consider tongue depressors and emesis basins as eating utensils
-You have placed your irritating patients/family members on P.I.T.A. (Pain In The ASS) precautions!
-Ever referred to KY jelly as "Goober Grease".
-You know it's a full moon without having to look at the sky
-Eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural
-You've ever had a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring and twelve earrings say, "I'm afraid of shots"
-Discussing body functions over a meal seems perfectly normal
-You believe the lab should have a 'dumb shit' profile on the lab requisition slip
-You firmly believe that 'too stupid to live' should be a diagnosis
-You have to leave the patient before you begin to laugh uncontrollably
-You believe a book entitled 'Suicide: Getting it Right the First Time' will be your next project
-You find humor in other people's stupidity
-Your idea of fine dining is sitting down to eat
-You believe a good tape job will fix anything
-Your idea of a good time is a Code Blue at shift change
-You don't believe 90% of what you're told, and 75% of what you see.
-You have your weekends off planned a year in advance
-You have ever restrained someone...and it wasn't a sexual experience
-Your feet are slightly flatter and tougher than Fred Flintstone's
-You have recurrent nightmares of being hit and run over by the portable x-ray machine
Oh good times, good times. Yet so true... We love our job *Sarcasm*
You know you work in a hospital when:
-Nurses...here to save your ass, not kiss it!
-You believe that all the patient needs is some vitamin A (Ativan)
-You believe some patients are alive only because it's illegal to kill them
-You do the "only-27-more-minutes-of-the-shift-from-hell happy dance"
-You can't cure stupid
-You believe, if it's wet and sticky and not yours, leave it alone!
-You have seen more moons than the Hubble telescope
-To you the phrase, "divide and conquer" means getting two coworkers to help you change the bedsore dressing in the crack of a 400-pound patient.
-You no longer have a gag reflex
-You believe there's a special place in Hell for the inventor of the call light
-You think pizza, cookies, and coke make a balanced meal
-You can only tell time with a 24-hour clock
-You've ever thought, 'Patients, God love 'em, because today, I sure don't!'
-You believe that saying, 'It can't get any worse' causes it to get worse just to show you it can
-You wash your hands before you go to the bathroom
-You think it is acceptable to use "penis" and "vagina" in a normal conversation
-You look in your closet and can't find anything non-medical to wear
-You believe any job where you can drive to work in pajamas is a cool job
-Everyone gets treated exactly the same---until they PISS YOU OFF!
-The ER is a mixture of can do, can't do, and why the hell not!
-You can identify the following Syndromes: F.O.L. (Full Of Liquor) A.D.A.S.T.W. (Arrived Dead And Stayed That Way) W.O.T.A.M. (Waste of Time & Money)
-You consider tongue depressors and emesis basins as eating utensils
-You have placed your irritating patients/family members on P.I.T.A. (Pain In The ASS) precautions!
-Ever referred to KY jelly as "Goober Grease".
-You know it's a full moon without having to look at the sky
-Eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural
-You've ever had a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring and twelve earrings say, "I'm afraid of shots"
-Discussing body functions over a meal seems perfectly normal
-You believe the lab should have a 'dumb shit' profile on the lab requisition slip
-You firmly believe that 'too stupid to live' should be a diagnosis
-You have to leave the patient before you begin to laugh uncontrollably
-You believe a book entitled 'Suicide: Getting it Right the First Time' will be your next project
-You find humor in other people's stupidity
-Your idea of fine dining is sitting down to eat
-You believe a good tape job will fix anything
-Your idea of a good time is a Code Blue at shift change
-You don't believe 90% of what you're told, and 75% of what you see.
-You have your weekends off planned a year in advance
-You have ever restrained someone...and it wasn't a sexual experience
-Your feet are slightly flatter and tougher than Fred Flintstone's
-You have recurrent nightmares of being hit and run over by the portable x-ray machine
Oh good times, good times. Yet so true... We love our job *Sarcasm*