Brother Of Mine (Chapter 8)
++Ryo++
I didn’t want to stay at the apartment where Yamapi was most probably going to interrogate me. I knew he left the bar early because he wanted to let me spend time with Erika but I suppose he didn’t expect me to blow it up like that.
So I did what any cowardly kid would do. I ran home to my aniki.
And like the good aniki he is, he was waiting for me when I arrived, ready for a supportive hug without even bothering to ask me what I was upset about. He understood without me needing to say anything. It was always like this with Jun-ni. Even as I was growing up he was an unwavering support pillar that I never doubted. As I got older I became a lot more self conscious about always ‘running to my brother’ and I decided that I wanted to strike out on my own.
The presence of Pi and Erika in my life helped me make that decision - but the thing is, I realised that I had simply shifted from Jun-ni to Pi and Erika to become my support pillar and now due to my stupidity I had shattered that. What else can I do if not run back to my aniki?
We sat down, cracking open the beer I had brought and Jun-ni simply watched me as I drained the can. He knew me well enough to know that I will talk when I need to.
And I do.
“I read one Erika one of my poems… and… and I her I love her.”
Jun-ni nodded, pressing a tongue against the wall of his mouth as he contemplated my words. I was not surprise that he already figured out my feelings for her. My aniki was like that. He’s good at figuring people out. Not to mention he can be the world’s biggest busybody and would poke his nose into business which was not his to meddle in. I don’t begrudge him that though - he is my brother. I can allow him to poke his nose into my business if he wanted to.
“And?”
“And she ran out of the bar,” I told him.
“Did you go after her?”
“…no…”
Jun-ni sighed, setting the can of beer down on the coffee table and crossing his arms over his chest as he studied me. I found myself squirming in my seat suddenly from his levelled gaze.
“Aho,” he said finally.
I find it funny that he would repeat Erika’s words to me and I merely sat there glumly, turning the beer can in my hand.
“She has a boyfriend.”
“So?”
“So that means she’s already in love with someone else.”
“A boyfriend does not necessarily equal love Ryo. You don’t know until you ask her what SHE feels for you. Did she reject you earlier?”
“… no…”
-----
The two brothers continued looking at one another until finally Jun sighed, standing up and crossing the room to put one hand on his brother’s head.
“Ryo…” he said seriously, “You have led a very protected life. And you’re lucky in that sense. I know that things have not been easy but you have somehow always had someone to look out for you. But… things will not always be that way. Whether you want to or not, you’re going to need to bare your heart, your soul to the world at one point or another and you need to find the courage for that… the courage to do it on your own. You need to learn to confront the hard things in life Ryo.”
“I know,” Ryo replied in a hoarse whisper, “I know…”
“Now what are you going to do about Erika. And I don’t want to hear you say ‘nothing’ or ‘I don’t know’.”
Ryo looked down to the floor, chewing his bottom lip. He took a deep shuddering breathe before looking back at his brother, “I should go talk to her properly.”
“And?”
“And if she rejects me… that’s okay,” he paused, biting his lip again, “I’ll be okay.”
Jun nodded, giving his youngest brother a rough hug, patting the younger man on the back. He didn’t know how much of a change Ryo had undergone recently, but there has certainly been a change.
As they retired for the night though, Jun found himself wondering what Erika was thinking at that moment. He remembered that conversation he had with her at the airport, remembered her wistful comment about being happy and Jun wondered what she might be up to at the moment.
He must be crazy, he told himself as he locked the door behind him and stepped out into the night, Ryo will kill him if he knew what he was up to but Jun ignored all the thoughts in his head as he headed out. Maybe Erika might just shut the door in his face and he would not blame her one bit. They were a family of crazy brothers. Especially after what had just happened with Kazu you would think he has enough sense to keep his nose out of his brother’s business but no, of course not, he was too thick headed for that.
“Where to?” the cab driver whom he hailed down asked him and Jun answered without hesitation, “Ginza.”
He knew where Yamapi and Ryo lived but he didn’t know where Erika lived so it looks like he was going to need to bother Yamapi first. Besides, he knew that Pi and Erika were cousins so it would not be so far fetched to see what Yamapi knew first.
Jun liked Yamapi, thought he had a good head on his shoulder.
If there was anyone he trusted that could help his pathologically shy younger brother, than it would be Yamashita Tomohisa.
-------
Yamapi groaned as he sat up, blinking with sleep as he fumbled with the clock on his bedside table, checking the time. Four a.m.
Who the hell was ringing his door at this ungodly hour?
Ryo was not home so it looked like he was going to need to go answer the door himself.
Pulling on a T-shirt over his boxers, Yamapi padded out of his bedroom to open the door of his apartment and his eyes widened when he saw the person standing at the doorway.
Okada Junichi.
Ryo’s elder brother.
He looked at the sleepy man sheepishly, running a hand through his hair and scuffing the tip of his sneakers on the ground.
“Sorry I woke you up.”
“Did something happen Okada-san? Is Ryo okay?”
“Yes, he’s fine,” Jun nodded, “Can I… talk to you Yamashita-san?”
“Huh? Oh sure, come on in,” he replied, stepping aside so the elder man could step into the apartment.
“Have a seat,” he said, waving to the couch in the centre of the apartment and Jun complied, sitting down on the edge of the sofa, wringing his hands together - an act that Yamapi was quick to notice.
“What’s wrong with Ryo?” the observant younger man asked him as he sat in the armchair opposite from Jun.
“He told that cousin of yours he’s in love with her.”
Pi gave a half snort and a half sigh which caused Jun to raise an eyebrow.
“I was wondering when was that going to happen.”
“You knew?”
“I know what Ryo feels for her yes, but it’s not my place to interfere. They’re both adult, I’m sure they can learn to work out their feelings for one another.”
“What about Erika?”
“She’s a little slow on the uptake actually,” Pi laughed, shaking his head before leaning forward almost conspiratorially to Jun, “She and Shige have not been on the best of terms lately.”
“Shige… her boyfriend?”
“Yeah, her boyfriend. She’s been seeing him since last year.”
“Oh really?”
“Yeah, Shige thinks she’s a bit too much of a free spirit and that she puts her friends over him too much.”
“Friends… meaning…?”
“Meaning me, Maki, Mao, Toma, Jin, Kame - and Ryo of course. But mostly me and Ryo cause she’s always at the bar.”
“Ah…”
“I think those two are just as blind as the other. They give of so many sparks when they are together that it burns the rest of us, and yet they never realize it themselves.”
Jun gave a wary smile at Yamapi’s comment, agreeing with it. His brother was dense, honestly dense.
“You know Erika also lost her parents when she was young right?” PI said, leaning back into his chair, “And my parents brought her up like my sister. Since she was young, she had always been painfully shy, only opening up to our closest circle of friends. When I first met Ryo, he reminded me of her when she was younger.”
“He loves her.”
“I know that. I always thought it was inevitable. Erika understands Ryo in a way none of us can. It took a long time for his to open up to her but when he did… let’s just say I could be cliché and choose to say - he blossomed.”
Jun laughed at the description but Yamapi was right. The decision to move out of his brother’s house and start working at the bar which Yamapi and Ryo had invested in together had been Erika’s encouragement. It’s not hard to understand why Ryo could love her. There was a connection between those two, an unspoken bond which everyone else could see but could not be understood by the two individuals themselves.
“So what happened after he told her?” Yamapi asked finally, “I suppose you wouldn’t be knocking at my door this hour of the morning if something good happened.”
“She ran out of the bar.”
“And he didn’t run after her?”
“What do you think?”
Pi snorted, shaking his head slightly, “Obviously he didn’t. He’s too dense to do something like that.”
“So now what?”
“Now what? I suppose I could talk to Erika,” Pi replied, “Find out what’s going through her head then…”
“That would be a good step,” Jun said solemnly to which Pi added, “Something tells me those two might need a helping hand. Neither of them know what they want out of life and neither of them are willing to admit that there is calling for both of them towards one another.”
“Perhaps we should give that helping hand.”
“Jun-ni,” Yamapi grinned, “I can’t agree with you more.”
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++Kazu++
I waited for the phone to ring at least a couple more times and a moment later Ryo picked up the telephone, his sleepy voice coming through the line.
“Hello…?”
“Ryo?”
“Ah… Kazu-ni… what’s the matter?”
“Where are you?”
“I’m at Jun-ni’s place. Why?”
“I need to talk to you. Do you think you can get out of the house without aniki noticing?”
“Uh… yeah I suppose.”
“Good,” I told him, “I’ll meet you at your bar.”
I didn’t need to tell him I was already standing in front of his bar. It was five in the morning and I was shivering in the cold morning air so I hopped a couple of steps, rubbing my arms to generate some sort of warmth.
After leaving aniki’s house earlier, I couldn’t sleep and I had no idea where to go either. I had ended up going back to my apartment and for the first time, I allowed myself to sit in the middle of its silence basking in memories.
Before the angry shouts that echoed in the corners of this apartment, there were a lot of smiles and laughter. There were a lot of conversations. I wanted to fill this house with those memories again. I wanted the kind of life that Jun-ni had always envisioned for me and Ryo.
But the problem now is Jun-ni himself.
He feels like it’s his duty to take the burden of the entire world on his shoulders… but he forgot that he has family to take care of him - more specifically his two younger brothers who wants him to open himself to him and realize that he did not need to always be the protector.
---------
Ryo arrived at the bar to find his shivering elder brother pacing the steps.
“Kazu-ni…”
“I’m cold,” he complained, “Come on, let’s go inside and get me a drink please.”
The two brothers trooped into the bar where Ryo poured his elder brother a drink.
“Did you get past Jun-ni? You know what a light sleeper he is…” Kazu commented as he took a sip from the beer.
“He wasn’t in,” Ryo replied, “His bedroom door was opened and he was not in.”
“At five in the morning?? What the hell is he up to?”
“Same can be said for us I think,” Ryo grinned and Kazu laughed.
But he sobered up a moment later and took another swig at his drink.
“So what was it that couldn’t wait?” Ryo asked after a moment.
“Jun-ni’s hiding something from us.”
“I’ve figured out that much aniki.”
“Something big.”
“I think I’ve figured out that much as well.”
“Aunt Ayako was crying her eyes out when I came home earlier, and Jun-ni was pleading with her to not tell us about it,” Kazu told Ryo, “I want to know what ‘it’ is.”
Ryo pressed the tip of his tongue against the inside of his cheek. He had suspected that his eldest brother was hiding something from them but for Aunt Ayako to be crying? It had to be something serious.
Why did their brother always feels that he can never show them that he had problems as well? Could he not admit that he was not some kind of superhuman who could shoulder the entire world on his shoulders?? Or at least he wanted the shoulder his brothers’ worlds and he needed to learn that he can’t do that either.
“Hang on, you were at Jun-ni’s earlier weren’t you?” Kazu asked Ryo who nodded slowly in answer, “Why are you staying there in the first place anyway?”
“Um… well…”
“See, this is EXACTLY why Jun-ni is so reluctant to let us go on with our lives. He feels as though we still can’t handle the real world on our own.”
Ryo visibly cringed at the scolding his elder brother threw at him. This time around Ryo sighed after a minute, shaking his head as though he wanted to shake the thought away from himself.
“I know,” he said, “I know. I was not going to stay for long. Just for the night anyway.”
“What the hell happened?”
“I… uh… told Erika that I love her and she ran out of the bar on me.”
“Shit. Didn’t you run after her?”
Ryo slumped back in his chair, sighing, “That seems to be the general consensus of what I should have done.”
Kazu slapped a hand to his forehead, “So you didn’t run after her then.”
“Obviously.”
“Shit.”
Both brothers looked at each other for a moment longer, then Ryo said, “I’ll take care of my life Kazu-ni. Don’t worry about it. What we need to decide now is what to do about Jun-ni.”
“Agreed,” Kazu nodded, “So what do we do?”
“I suppose we’re going to need to go talk to Aunt Ayako.”
“Do you think she would tell us? After all, she did promise him…”
They fell back into their pensive silence. Of course their aunt loves all three of them but it was not hard to see that she was more likely to listen to Jun then to the two of them. He was, after all, the head of the family. He had always been, will always be the ‘adult’ between the three of them.
“Are you going to go back to Jun-ni’s place?” Ryo asked his elder brother, “You were staying there before this weren’t you?”
“Yes… but… we fought.”
“And you tell ME to grow up.”
Kazu laughed at the irony of that statement, “Yeah… I suppose we both need to learn to grow up don’t we? It’s time we stop getting Jun-ni to baby sit us.”
Ryo nodded in solemn agreement and the brothers laughed again. It wasn’t some big revelation as much as it was an internal determination in both brothers to finally snap the string that held them back to their caring if not slightly overprotective eldest brother.
“So I suppose we need to come up with a plan,” Ryo muttered.
“That’s right… a plan…”
“I think I have one.”
“This better not be something stupid.”
“What makes you think my plan is going to be stupid??” Ryo responded hotly at his brother’s comment.
“Nothing, just that I remember the last time you had a plan, we ended up nearly being caught by the police and grounded by Jun-ni for a month.”
Ryo sulked, turning sour in the face at being reminded by his elder brother about the time they had tried to sneak out of the house to attend a concert when he, Ryo, had been in middle school and Kazu had been in first year high school. A neighbour had seen them skulking around the house and called the police on them.
Jun-ni had been not to say the least amused by their antics.
“Well?” Kazu prodded, “What’s the plan?”
“It might be stupid.”
“At least it’s a plan.”