(no subject)
ok so i havent updated in a while so i figured i might as well....
this summer has been such a long summer but like short at the same time.. i dunno its hard to explain... i have been doing pretty muich absolutely nothing. me and ness have been together pretty much every day this summer and my neighbor derik has been here to.. so pretty much the only two faces i have seen all summer is them!!!! i cant believe it im not used to this im used to being in another state for the whole summer where this so much to do.... my mom said i could go to nj for a week or two but i dunno if i want to.. im scared its gonna be a repaet of last year.. drinking drugs police and heart break....
derik my neighbor is here visiting his mom hes from minnesota... well we have been chillin pretty much every single day since we met which the beginning of this summer... i dunno what happened but usually i can hook up and flirt with guys during like the summer when i go away and come back home with a clean slate and no feelings what so ever... this time is sooooo different .. what makes it so hard is he has a girlfriend back home which is comming to stay with him today for a whoel week!@!!! i hate this i hate how i have feelings for him i honoslty thought it would never happen.. and usually im good at hiding my feelings lol well vanessa said i def have been showing how i feel which really sucks ass.....
its like when me and him are alone together just chillin i have so much fun even if we are just sitting there talking doing absolutely nothing talking about the stupidest stuff i always feel entertained and really happy... we flirt alotttt and i know i need to sto[ especially now.. because before like for instance about 3 days ago i was chillin with him in his rom while he was watching a movie(nothing happened i swear i wish though ha) and like he kept grabbing for my arm to wrap around him and to cuddle and its liek that all the time... but i thought about it and i really need to stop i cant handle getting hurt again... but its like my feelings for him are so stronge and im so happy to be around him thats its almost worth the pain in the end... i always nknew nothing could seriously happen because he just comes to visit every once n a while for holidays... but still i try to forget about it so i can just relax and have fun...
i honoslty would rather not be here when caley (his gf comes) but its just stupid.. what makes it so hard is he is my neighbor and we both love to be outside so i know no matter what im always gonna see them together... i know deep down inside that maybe he liekd me but he still was just missing his gf and he wanted someone to cuddle butit just felt so good to be held by someone i liked that i never cared... whatever thats where i am right now and i think i just need to stop everything when she leaves and he comes back to chill im just gonna have to try and keep a distance becasue ide be retarted to let myself get hurt again...
hows everyone elses summer!! and if anyones havin partys or chillin please call cuz im bored as hell and i need to get away from this asshole! xoxoxo love and miss everyone
this summer has been such a long summer but like short at the same time.. i dunno its hard to explain... i have been doing pretty muich absolutely nothing. me and ness have been together pretty much every day this summer and my neighbor derik has been here to.. so pretty much the only two faces i have seen all summer is them!!!! i cant believe it im not used to this im used to being in another state for the whole summer where this so much to do.... my mom said i could go to nj for a week or two but i dunno if i want to.. im scared its gonna be a repaet of last year.. drinking drugs police and heart break....
derik my neighbor is here visiting his mom hes from minnesota... well we have been chillin pretty much every single day since we met which the beginning of this summer... i dunno what happened but usually i can hook up and flirt with guys during like the summer when i go away and come back home with a clean slate and no feelings what so ever... this time is sooooo different .. what makes it so hard is he has a girlfriend back home which is comming to stay with him today for a whoel week!@!!! i hate this i hate how i have feelings for him i honoslty thought it would never happen.. and usually im good at hiding my feelings lol well vanessa said i def have been showing how i feel which really sucks ass.....
its like when me and him are alone together just chillin i have so much fun even if we are just sitting there talking doing absolutely nothing talking about the stupidest stuff i always feel entertained and really happy... we flirt alotttt and i know i need to sto[ especially now.. because before like for instance about 3 days ago i was chillin with him in his rom while he was watching a movie(nothing happened i swear i wish though ha) and like he kept grabbing for my arm to wrap around him and to cuddle and its liek that all the time... but i thought about it and i really need to stop i cant handle getting hurt again... but its like my feelings for him are so stronge and im so happy to be around him thats its almost worth the pain in the end... i always nknew nothing could seriously happen because he just comes to visit every once n a while for holidays... but still i try to forget about it so i can just relax and have fun...
i honoslty would rather not be here when caley (his gf comes) but its just stupid.. what makes it so hard is he is my neighbor and we both love to be outside so i know no matter what im always gonna see them together... i know deep down inside that maybe he liekd me but he still was just missing his gf and he wanted someone to cuddle butit just felt so good to be held by someone i liked that i never cared... whatever thats where i am right now and i think i just need to stop everything when she leaves and he comes back to chill im just gonna have to try and keep a distance becasue ide be retarted to let myself get hurt again...
hows everyone elses summer!! and if anyones havin partys or chillin please call cuz im bored as hell and i need to get away from this asshole! xoxoxo love and miss everyone