(no subject)
hey all....
whats going on? Not much here.
Just chillin and totally not studying for the exams i will be failing a week from today.
you know, today, i was looking through my myspace at my friends. I dont really do much on myspace like other people, but I do look at all the shit the other people take time to do. Well, anywayz. I saw this one girls myspace. And i looked through it and got jealous. Like hardcore jealous. And not because of what she has, or her goods or whatever....but just because she lives in New York. I mean, how lame is that? I got jealous of someone becuase they live in New York. I can officially be added to the top 10 dumbest people in America list.
But then it got me thinking. You know, most of the drama friends I have aren't going anywhere in the theatre. I have talked to Dan about this numerous times......we have our own little club for the rare people that actually do and have tried out for the very best. lol. but seriously. Most of them weill end up majoring in business or public relations or something. I'm different. I'm not really good at anything else. I'm just saying that, well, I could never be in business becuase i'm terrible with money and things like that. I couldn't do anything in science or math, i fuckin suck at that stuff. So basically, its like a lose lose situation. Lose becuase its so very hard to get onto Broadway in the first place, and Lose becuase if you don't, you practically screwed.
So my life is technically screwed! lol
Anywayz. Christmas is coming up. Exams are coming up. I always get kinda emotional around the holidays. Don't ask me why, I truly don't know. But I do. So beware, if i PMS......I guess its just HPMS. Holiday-PMS.
I think I'm getting sick. I truly do.
I can't stand all the drama that goes on in my life. I think thats whats making me sick. The fact that I can't go through one single day without hurting someone else, on purpose or not, mostly not, or without getting hurt. And normally when i get hurt i glaze over it because i don't want to seem like a drama queen. But you know what? You have to stand up for yourself sometime or other.
And I think I should start.
First of all, for all the things I did wrong involving relationships in October are over. So everyone who has a problem with it, can get over themselves. I'm not going to change myself becuase you want me to. Yeah, I did some bad things. I'm the first to admit it. I was a stupid bitch. But you know what? THAT'S DONE AND DEALT WITH. I'm actually happy. Happy for my life. For living. And I can smile in the morning knowing that there's something there for me, no matter how my day goes. And also, I think that anything that happens intimately between me and someone in a relationship is my and their business. Not yours to find out and critisize. It has nothing to do with you. So go about your own business and do something for yourself. Talking about someone behind their backs isn't going to help. I should know. I find myself telling someone something about another person sometimes and I think what am I doing? would i want this to happen to me? Fuck no! So cut the crap.
Now I sound like a heinous bitch. All I mean, is that I'm tired of all this "he said......she said......" shit. If I want to know, I'll tell you. If you're willing to say so, tell me you are before you blurt it out. I'm tired of knowing something I'd rather not about what other people say about me.
And for the love of god you stupid mother fucking freshmen in chorus. I AM NOT A LESBIAN. I AM NOT BISEXUAL. God. It's not even funny anymore.
I'm going to do what's best for me, my family, and my loved ones. Not for people who are just trying to make my life a little harder every day. I'm not going to let myself get hurt so much anymore. If hurt is inevitable, then i'll take the least amount possible.
Passion is fine but passion burns fast
Passions design seems never to last
Better a match better a blend
Who needs a lover? I need a friend
Now I am calm save and serene
Heartache and hurt are no longer a part of the scene
Isn't this better
The way it should be
Better for him
And also much better for me
Isn't this better
whats going on? Not much here.
Just chillin and totally not studying for the exams i will be failing a week from today.
you know, today, i was looking through my myspace at my friends. I dont really do much on myspace like other people, but I do look at all the shit the other people take time to do. Well, anywayz. I saw this one girls myspace. And i looked through it and got jealous. Like hardcore jealous. And not because of what she has, or her goods or whatever....but just because she lives in New York. I mean, how lame is that? I got jealous of someone becuase they live in New York. I can officially be added to the top 10 dumbest people in America list.
But then it got me thinking. You know, most of the drama friends I have aren't going anywhere in the theatre. I have talked to Dan about this numerous times......we have our own little club for the rare people that actually do and have tried out for the very best. lol. but seriously. Most of them weill end up majoring in business or public relations or something. I'm different. I'm not really good at anything else. I'm just saying that, well, I could never be in business becuase i'm terrible with money and things like that. I couldn't do anything in science or math, i fuckin suck at that stuff. So basically, its like a lose lose situation. Lose becuase its so very hard to get onto Broadway in the first place, and Lose becuase if you don't, you practically screwed.
So my life is technically screwed! lol
Anywayz. Christmas is coming up. Exams are coming up. I always get kinda emotional around the holidays. Don't ask me why, I truly don't know. But I do. So beware, if i PMS......I guess its just HPMS. Holiday-PMS.
I think I'm getting sick. I truly do.
I can't stand all the drama that goes on in my life. I think thats whats making me sick. The fact that I can't go through one single day without hurting someone else, on purpose or not, mostly not, or without getting hurt. And normally when i get hurt i glaze over it because i don't want to seem like a drama queen. But you know what? You have to stand up for yourself sometime or other.
And I think I should start.
First of all, for all the things I did wrong involving relationships in October are over. So everyone who has a problem with it, can get over themselves. I'm not going to change myself becuase you want me to. Yeah, I did some bad things. I'm the first to admit it. I was a stupid bitch. But you know what? THAT'S DONE AND DEALT WITH. I'm actually happy. Happy for my life. For living. And I can smile in the morning knowing that there's something there for me, no matter how my day goes. And also, I think that anything that happens intimately between me and someone in a relationship is my and their business. Not yours to find out and critisize. It has nothing to do with you. So go about your own business and do something for yourself. Talking about someone behind their backs isn't going to help. I should know. I find myself telling someone something about another person sometimes and I think what am I doing? would i want this to happen to me? Fuck no! So cut the crap.
Now I sound like a heinous bitch. All I mean, is that I'm tired of all this "he said......she said......" shit. If I want to know, I'll tell you. If you're willing to say so, tell me you are before you blurt it out. I'm tired of knowing something I'd rather not about what other people say about me.
And for the love of god you stupid mother fucking freshmen in chorus. I AM NOT A LESBIAN. I AM NOT BISEXUAL. God. It's not even funny anymore.
I'm going to do what's best for me, my family, and my loved ones. Not for people who are just trying to make my life a little harder every day. I'm not going to let myself get hurt so much anymore. If hurt is inevitable, then i'll take the least amount possible.
Passion is fine but passion burns fast
Passions design seems never to last
Better a match better a blend
Who needs a lover? I need a friend
Now I am calm save and serene
Heartache and hurt are no longer a part of the scene
Isn't this better
The way it should be
Better for him
And also much better for me
Isn't this better