guess i'll move along
i don't mean to sound like the proverbial broken record (and what is the equivalent of that in the age of the cd?) but this relationship conundrum has me waaaay down again.
on monday he sent me an email saying he would call me, that we would see each other this week. that made me happy. of course, i conveniently forgot that he had promised to call every week since thanksgiving, which he did kind of in style not substance, and we would see each other for a few hours only. a few hours each week.
i replied to the email honestly, telling him that i was happy he was in touch and that i was looking forward to his call. so far nothing. but it gets worse.
when i checked my cell phone this afternoon, it said "5 missed messages at 3:31 a. freaking m." A, not P. he is absolutely the ONLY one i know who at this point in his/her life would call at that hour except in dire emergency.
listened to the messages. four of the five seemed to be from him--he identified himself by name. unfortunately my verizon does not time/date stamp voice mail, so i couldn't be totally sure that it was his call. but i swear, when i checked it yesterday afternoon, i had no missed messages.
so i called him back and explained all that. he lives w/ his cell phone permanently attached to his ear, so he knew it was me calling. i.e., it wasn't that he had put it down somewhere and forgotten it. and it rings about a dozen times before it flips over to the voicemail. so he had plenty of time to see who was calling and deliberately chose not to pick up. and on the extremely remote chance that i'm wrong about that, he has not returned my call, and it's been about 6 hours.
then, to make the hurt worse, he signed on to aim a bit later while i was playing a computer game. he knew i was there. nothing. not even a simple "hi, clipper."
slowly i am coming to grips w/ the realization that this is how he's going to be, and i just have to deal with it. i haven't been this lovesick in years! i think it's why i had made myself not love anyone for many years, to avoid the hurt again.
but i think i'm getting better. i had my shrink goose my anti-depressants, and i've been on the increased dose for about 2 weeks. i think it's starting to kick in. so, i've decided i'll go to nyc for new year's without him. (he was invited and had said yes but apparently is not planning to go and has not informed me of his decision.) i will go to florida as we planned in january, and he can take advantage of the ticket i've already bought for him or not as he chooses. there's really not anything else i can do. so i'm starting to move on.
sorry to unload like this, but it feels good to get it off my chest. if you've read this far, thanks for listening. or whatever.
on monday he sent me an email saying he would call me, that we would see each other this week. that made me happy. of course, i conveniently forgot that he had promised to call every week since thanksgiving, which he did kind of in style not substance, and we would see each other for a few hours only. a few hours each week.
i replied to the email honestly, telling him that i was happy he was in touch and that i was looking forward to his call. so far nothing. but it gets worse.
when i checked my cell phone this afternoon, it said "5 missed messages at 3:31 a. freaking m." A, not P. he is absolutely the ONLY one i know who at this point in his/her life would call at that hour except in dire emergency.
listened to the messages. four of the five seemed to be from him--he identified himself by name. unfortunately my verizon does not time/date stamp voice mail, so i couldn't be totally sure that it was his call. but i swear, when i checked it yesterday afternoon, i had no missed messages.
so i called him back and explained all that. he lives w/ his cell phone permanently attached to his ear, so he knew it was me calling. i.e., it wasn't that he had put it down somewhere and forgotten it. and it rings about a dozen times before it flips over to the voicemail. so he had plenty of time to see who was calling and deliberately chose not to pick up. and on the extremely remote chance that i'm wrong about that, he has not returned my call, and it's been about 6 hours.
then, to make the hurt worse, he signed on to aim a bit later while i was playing a computer game. he knew i was there. nothing. not even a simple "hi, clipper."
slowly i am coming to grips w/ the realization that this is how he's going to be, and i just have to deal with it. i haven't been this lovesick in years! i think it's why i had made myself not love anyone for many years, to avoid the hurt again.
but i think i'm getting better. i had my shrink goose my anti-depressants, and i've been on the increased dose for about 2 weeks. i think it's starting to kick in. so, i've decided i'll go to nyc for new year's without him. (he was invited and had said yes but apparently is not planning to go and has not informed me of his decision.) i will go to florida as we planned in january, and he can take advantage of the ticket i've already bought for him or not as he chooses. there's really not anything else i can do. so i'm starting to move on.
sorry to unload like this, but it feels good to get it off my chest. if you've read this far, thanks for listening. or whatever.