scream your heart out
why...why...why...
that is the question that has been in my head for over a week. I have made horrible decisions and the concequences that are coming along with it all, i can't handle. No matter what i do i am fucked. God works in mysterous ways and i am still waiting to see what he has for me in store. I hate it here, i hate my life, i hate school, i hate that i didn't go to new jersey, i hate i didn't meet u at a different time, i hate u have someone and i don't...
I also don't no why one of my best friends has decided to forget about me. i just booked this trip with her and i dont even think i want to go. it is all a game to be friends with someone. u are always challenged to be up one or to remain in the mix. well i gave up on that because that isnt what friends is about...i am able to see the truth about how and why u act the way u do. i dont want to be associated with it..i said i rather have no friends then be seen that way, but now i feel like i have no friends. im now kicking myself in the ass for not going out and meeting new people like u...its my senior year of college and this is what i have to deal with
Last night i was hang out with my best buddy...sarlo...best guy i ever met! he is the only one that makes me smile anymore, the one that lets me cry on his shoulder, the one to say when someone is a true scumbag or asshole, the one who appreciates everything that is done or given to him. we were doing power hour last night and he turns to me and says, "i wish i met u before i met lisa." he turns to his friend and says "this is one of the most gorgeous and amazing girl ull ever meet." my heart feel into my stomach when he looked at me. i was wowed for the first time and i had no response. I couldn't....I looked at him and gave him one of my smiles, we both knew what i was saying behind the smile. [ i couldn't tell him the truth, he has a girlfriend, and i will not be the one to screw it up] its not fair how God dangles this masterpiece in front of me then rips it away when it is amazing up front.
On the way home yesterday from class i took a little drive to just think and to be alone. even though i feel alone...this was a better feeling, driving and thinking. I noticed all the leaves changing on the trees. As i was driving leaves were hitting my windshield, it was so pretty. All the different colors especially with the sun shinning on them. Fall is the time that everything begins to fall so it can die, the trees are bare now till next spring. Its a sense of renewal, letting everything in my life fall and bared myself to new things. i made a pack with myself to renew myself physically and mentally.
You have to fall inorder to rise again....
that is the question that has been in my head for over a week. I have made horrible decisions and the concequences that are coming along with it all, i can't handle. No matter what i do i am fucked. God works in mysterous ways and i am still waiting to see what he has for me in store. I hate it here, i hate my life, i hate school, i hate that i didn't go to new jersey, i hate i didn't meet u at a different time, i hate u have someone and i don't...
I also don't no why one of my best friends has decided to forget about me. i just booked this trip with her and i dont even think i want to go. it is all a game to be friends with someone. u are always challenged to be up one or to remain in the mix. well i gave up on that because that isnt what friends is about...i am able to see the truth about how and why u act the way u do. i dont want to be associated with it..i said i rather have no friends then be seen that way, but now i feel like i have no friends. im now kicking myself in the ass for not going out and meeting new people like u...its my senior year of college and this is what i have to deal with
Last night i was hang out with my best buddy...sarlo...best guy i ever met! he is the only one that makes me smile anymore, the one that lets me cry on his shoulder, the one to say when someone is a true scumbag or asshole, the one who appreciates everything that is done or given to him. we were doing power hour last night and he turns to me and says, "i wish i met u before i met lisa." he turns to his friend and says "this is one of the most gorgeous and amazing girl ull ever meet." my heart feel into my stomach when he looked at me. i was wowed for the first time and i had no response. I couldn't....I looked at him and gave him one of my smiles, we both knew what i was saying behind the smile. [ i couldn't tell him the truth, he has a girlfriend, and i will not be the one to screw it up] its not fair how God dangles this masterpiece in front of me then rips it away when it is amazing up front.
On the way home yesterday from class i took a little drive to just think and to be alone. even though i feel alone...this was a better feeling, driving and thinking. I noticed all the leaves changing on the trees. As i was driving leaves were hitting my windshield, it was so pretty. All the different colors especially with the sun shinning on them. Fall is the time that everything begins to fall so it can die, the trees are bare now till next spring. Its a sense of renewal, letting everything in my life fall and bared myself to new things. i made a pack with myself to renew myself physically and mentally.
You have to fall inorder to rise again....