Something serious, for once.
So let me tell you something about my life a little, since I've got this whole birthday happening tomorrow.
It's not really about birthdays, per say, but presents in general. Lemme tell you this crazy story, and if you don't feel like reading any further, feel free to stop. Maybe you can come back if you get bored.
When I think about things like this, I think of it in flashbacks.
It's the summer of 2005. My senior year. I've discovered RENT. It's amazing. I just...living every day to the fullest, with hardly a thing to your name - it's an exhilarating idea for me. Bohemia becomes a paradise in my mind. To live with just enough to get by but still be happy and loved. I realize it's a dream my mother will never understand, but that's okay.
Winter 2005. I get asked what I want for Christmas. It boggles my mind to realize...I don't really want anything. It's the first time in my life where I honestly cannot think of things I long for. I tell them that it doesn't really matter. I'm not going to freak out about presents. It's one of the best Christmases I've ever had.
May 2006. It's my birthday. Again I get asked what I want. Again the answer is nothing. All I want is to spend time with everyone I can. I do so. It's an amazing day.
Skip forward to October 2008. I am in the worst depression I could imagine. Everything hurts. My heart beating against my chest is painful. I don't cry but I wish I could. I go see Across The Universe with a friend. When I get home I immerse myself in the Beatles. All you need is love. I cry and put their CDs on repeat. I drown in their voices until two in the morning. It's exactly what I need.
November 2008. I no longer wish the days would stop moving forward. I am the happiest I've been since September. I read about meditation. Buddhism. Revolving forever in a wheel of karma. Everything the universe does is to make me happy (so I read in a little book). I watch A Hard Day's Night and drink blueberry tea. (Blueberry tea reminds me of George Harrison now.) For the first time in my life, I am at peace with everything; most importantly I am at peace with myself.
April 2009. I get asked what I want for my birthday. For the first time in a long time I have an idea for a present. "I just...could we go to Las Vegas?" "...Vegas?" "I just want to go see LOVE, and that's only where it plays. I don't need any other presents. I just want to go see it." My mom says okay.
May 2009. My mom, my aunt, and I go to Vegas. They gamble until six o clock in the morning while I've already gone to bed at one. I see the Fab Four show two times. We see LOVE. I cannot contain my emotion. Everything is perfect. I could not have asked for a better present.
I really...I understand birthdays. I mean, I want to celebrate my birthday like everyone else. But ever since RENT, it's felt like just another day, really. I'm already living everyday like it's a celebration. I know that sounds impossibly corny, but it's awesomely true. That's why I don't care about presents. People are presents. That's why I love socializing and friending memes and all. You may not believe it, but I love every one of you on here. I love seeing your names pop up in my inbox. I love making things to show you like silly doodles or serious fics. I love checking my flist and seeing you people.
People thinks it's funny I really don't want presents. I prefer want their company. I want to hang out with them. I really am a people person deep down and just to see my lovelies makes me all happy inside. That's why I'm excited about this NJ con - I want to meet you guys there. I want to laugh and goof around and hang out with you. I want to draw you things and write you things because I want to make you smile and laugh. It's something I can give to you and I love that I can give it to you so I try to do it as often as possible.
TL;DR - LET ME EXPRESS IT ALL IN GIF FORM:
I HAVE NO IDEA BUT I LOVE YOU ALL BBS AND ALL OF YOU ARE AMAZING AND BEING A PART OF THIS FANDOM IS ALL I COULD ASK FOR ON MY BIRTHDAY. LET'S START THIS PARTY RIGHT
SORRY I'M BEING ALL SAPPY AND LAME AND I PROMISE I'LL START BEING MY REGULAR CRACK SELF.
BRB KEEPING BUSY WITH A MONSTER LIST OF THREESOMES I AM APPARENTLY DRAWING. ALSO REWINDING TIME TO MAKE SHERLOCK HOLMES/SPN CROSSOVER UNFFFFFF.
MIGHT TYPE FEELINGS ABOUT FINALE LATER BUT I REALLY NEED TIME TO PROCESS THAT SHIT, YA FEEL ME HOMES, I MEAN GODDAMN WHAT
I hope all of you are having a fabulous Friday, my ducklings!
It's not really about birthdays, per say, but presents in general. Lemme tell you this crazy story, and if you don't feel like reading any further, feel free to stop. Maybe you can come back if you get bored.
When I think about things like this, I think of it in flashbacks.
It's the summer of 2005. My senior year. I've discovered RENT. It's amazing. I just...living every day to the fullest, with hardly a thing to your name - it's an exhilarating idea for me. Bohemia becomes a paradise in my mind. To live with just enough to get by but still be happy and loved. I realize it's a dream my mother will never understand, but that's okay.
Winter 2005. I get asked what I want for Christmas. It boggles my mind to realize...I don't really want anything. It's the first time in my life where I honestly cannot think of things I long for. I tell them that it doesn't really matter. I'm not going to freak out about presents. It's one of the best Christmases I've ever had.
May 2006. It's my birthday. Again I get asked what I want. Again the answer is nothing. All I want is to spend time with everyone I can. I do so. It's an amazing day.
Skip forward to October 2008. I am in the worst depression I could imagine. Everything hurts. My heart beating against my chest is painful. I don't cry but I wish I could. I go see Across The Universe with a friend. When I get home I immerse myself in the Beatles. All you need is love. I cry and put their CDs on repeat. I drown in their voices until two in the morning. It's exactly what I need.
November 2008. I no longer wish the days would stop moving forward. I am the happiest I've been since September. I read about meditation. Buddhism. Revolving forever in a wheel of karma. Everything the universe does is to make me happy (so I read in a little book). I watch A Hard Day's Night and drink blueberry tea. (Blueberry tea reminds me of George Harrison now.) For the first time in my life, I am at peace with everything; most importantly I am at peace with myself.
April 2009. I get asked what I want for my birthday. For the first time in a long time I have an idea for a present. "I just...could we go to Las Vegas?" "...Vegas?" "I just want to go see LOVE, and that's only where it plays. I don't need any other presents. I just want to go see it." My mom says okay.
May 2009. My mom, my aunt, and I go to Vegas. They gamble until six o clock in the morning while I've already gone to bed at one. I see the Fab Four show two times. We see LOVE. I cannot contain my emotion. Everything is perfect. I could not have asked for a better present.
I really...I understand birthdays. I mean, I want to celebrate my birthday like everyone else. But ever since RENT, it's felt like just another day, really. I'm already living everyday like it's a celebration. I know that sounds impossibly corny, but it's awesomely true. That's why I don't care about presents. People are presents. That's why I love socializing and friending memes and all. You may not believe it, but I love every one of you on here. I love seeing your names pop up in my inbox. I love making things to show you like silly doodles or serious fics. I love checking my flist and seeing you people.
People thinks it's funny I really don't want presents. I prefer want their company. I want to hang out with them. I really am a people person deep down and just to see my lovelies makes me all happy inside. That's why I'm excited about this NJ con - I want to meet you guys there. I want to laugh and goof around and hang out with you. I want to draw you things and write you things because I want to make you smile and laugh. It's something I can give to you and I love that I can give it to you so I try to do it as often as possible.
TL;DR - LET ME EXPRESS IT ALL IN GIF FORM:
I HAVE NO IDEA BUT I LOVE YOU ALL BBS AND ALL OF YOU ARE AMAZING AND BEING A PART OF THIS FANDOM IS ALL I COULD ASK FOR ON MY BIRTHDAY. LET'S START THIS PARTY RIGHT
SORRY I'M BEING ALL SAPPY AND LAME AND I PROMISE I'LL START BEING MY REGULAR CRACK SELF.
BRB KEEPING BUSY WITH A MONSTER LIST OF THREESOMES I AM APPARENTLY DRAWING. ALSO REWINDING TIME TO MAKE SHERLOCK HOLMES/SPN CROSSOVER UNFFFFFF.
MIGHT TYPE FEELINGS ABOUT FINALE LATER BUT I REALLY NEED TIME TO PROCESS THAT SHIT, YA FEEL ME HOMES, I MEAN GODDAMN WHAT
I hope all of you are having a fabulous Friday, my ducklings!