of feeling somewhat inadequate
I was really determined to make the cheesecake yesterday since it was being paid for. So determined in fact, that I used 3 eggs instead of 4 because that was all that was left the moment I reached home at 12.45am. Everything was going well, the batter tasted the same even with just 3 eggs and I even added more crust as requested. But then, I "decided" to burn the cake; it was just brown as hell and the sides just cracked the moment I gently removed the sides of the springform pan. So I just gave up and slept at 5am.
Then I was ridely awakened by a disturbing phone call at 8am so I decided to just sleep it off until 12 when parents decided to be annoying. So I dragged myself out of bed and we went to Suntec for the university and scholarships exhibition. I was just dreading it because it was a reminder that I still have no idea what to do with my life and that i simply refuse to give a damn.
I don't know about you but I like just living my life one day at a time; it's less stressful that way and things kind of turn out to be easier than expected. I don't have to really think about what to do after NS if I don't want to. I can just push it to the furthest regions of my brain and just let it hibernate there until someone prods it. And I hated how I was among people who were probably from the upper-crust of society and could probably get a delicious monogram Gucci bag with fluorescent handles if they asked for it or the Singaporeans who feel a need to disregard their Singaporean-ness by speaking in such an overdone Queen's english. Truth be told, I felt inferior. Duh. So you can just imagine how my face was throughout the entire event.
But I don't know. A part of me wants to study overseas and a part of me just doesn't seem to give a rat's ass about it. I think it all comes down to not knowing what course to take. I did ask around for Journalism at UNSW and UniMelb and as thinking of taking the Foundation Studies first since obviously my grades sucked. But I'm not even sure that I'm gonna be doing Journalism in the first place.
So we sat in for a talk on studying in US and omg, I sort of loved the idea of going there. Main draw was how you can actually go there and sample everything in the university for 2 years before you have to make a decision. And every university that the council would recommend are highly accredited ones that would be recognized in Singapore. And since there are government-funded ones there, fees would probably be lesser than US private unis. But I don't know really. Money money money.
So yes. I'm just mulling over the fact that I really don't know what to do in life. I have a huge headache because of this, it feels like a hangover. So I slept from 5 to 7pm. I just didn't want to face the world today. I hate this.