I know this is out of no where...
I know that to some people on my friends list this will not make since. To those people, dont worry because most likly, this does not apply to you. i know i still have to update about plunge and pride but this must be done first. i came back from plunge a different person. and it is time i change somethings.
The last few months, i have been fighting an extremely hard battle(not to sound like i ripped that line from robin)all alone. it has brought to the line between life and death. to those of you who dont know, i will start from the begining...
Back in january i lost a great friend. her name was Jennifer Lynn Ciani. From then on everything just went down hill. It was hard because most of us had never had to deal with a friend's suicide before. Well the next couple of months after were even worse. i almost lost another friend to suicide and one of my other friend began to hurt himself too. it got to the point that i could not handle it so i attempted to end my life several times but thanks to friends and a lot of prayers i am still here.
then i went on urban plunge. that was the best thing ever.it was like the point in my life were everything began to turn from bad to good. what happened was i got into a fight with chris thurseday night. i was just so upset that i could not help but think that this was the final straw. i remember taking off my belt andtelling kathleen to tell chris that i was going to take care of our problems. well i was up abave the stage and cat came after me. she screamed at me for about thirty minutes but i am glad.
ever since i came home from plunge i see what i need to change in my life.
sarah scruby and andrea magsambol- i love you guys. you have stuck by me through thick and thin and i do charish that.
Cat- this may sound wierd but i want to thank you again for what you did. i think that it was the best thing you could have ever done for me. and dont worry, as hard as it is for me to admit, i am going to get some help. i love you and i know now that i donot have to fight this battle alone.
Amy- you have done so much for me in the short time we have known each other. for the last six months since we met, you have been there for me. you have saved my life and refused to let me give up. i hope that one day i can return the favor and be there when you need me. you see, it is ok to be sad. you do not have to be happy and bottle things up anymore. for months you have been a rock for me to fall on. now that things are better for me...let me be that rock for you when you need me. i love ya kid.
Robin- i love you and miss you so much. i just want to thank you for sticking with me and not giving up on me. things have been hard for both of us these 6 months but the important thing is that we are here and we are living proof that though it may be dark and cloudy, the sun will still shine again. I think i can climb down from that bridge now, are you coming too?
Chris- i honestly dont know how to say the feelings i need to express to you. i love you chris. we have been through so much but without you i would not be typing this to you today. we are proof that the roots of friendship run deeper than we know. we have lied to each other, screamed at each other and done somethings we are not proud of but we still remain friends. i love that and that proves inner strength on bothour parts. thank you so much for all you have done for me. i will always love ya bud....uhuhuhuhuhuh!
Lauren Kempster- as odd as this may seem you are one of the people i choose to keep in my life. your prayers have kept me alive and your advice made me open my eyes to thing i didn't want to see. i have found god this last week and so much mare...thank you.
Matt Jarvis- since you left things hve gotten so hard. it is like i was about to fall deeper into this endless dark hole and you were the only thing saving me, then out of no where you let go. i fell flat to the bottem and surprisingly you were not one of the people that help me learn to stand on my own feet again. instead i found cat, chris, and amy there waiting for me. i had a dream the night that cat yelled at me that jenn was telling me that this was not the way to solve my problems. so i to a long look at my life and realized what i need to do. good- bye matt. i wish you happiness on your knew path in life. sfrom your former little sister, i am through crying over you.
to any of the 41 people i went on plunge with- thank you for opening my eyes to what i was doing. love and miss ya guys...
so this is what i had to say to all of you. take it as you may
cb
The last few months, i have been fighting an extremely hard battle(not to sound like i ripped that line from robin)all alone. it has brought to the line between life and death. to those of you who dont know, i will start from the begining...
Back in january i lost a great friend. her name was Jennifer Lynn Ciani. From then on everything just went down hill. It was hard because most of us had never had to deal with a friend's suicide before. Well the next couple of months after were even worse. i almost lost another friend to suicide and one of my other friend began to hurt himself too. it got to the point that i could not handle it so i attempted to end my life several times but thanks to friends and a lot of prayers i am still here.
then i went on urban plunge. that was the best thing ever.it was like the point in my life were everything began to turn from bad to good. what happened was i got into a fight with chris thurseday night. i was just so upset that i could not help but think that this was the final straw. i remember taking off my belt andtelling kathleen to tell chris that i was going to take care of our problems. well i was up abave the stage and cat came after me. she screamed at me for about thirty minutes but i am glad.
ever since i came home from plunge i see what i need to change in my life.
sarah scruby and andrea magsambol- i love you guys. you have stuck by me through thick and thin and i do charish that.
Cat- this may sound wierd but i want to thank you again for what you did. i think that it was the best thing you could have ever done for me. and dont worry, as hard as it is for me to admit, i am going to get some help. i love you and i know now that i donot have to fight this battle alone.
Amy- you have done so much for me in the short time we have known each other. for the last six months since we met, you have been there for me. you have saved my life and refused to let me give up. i hope that one day i can return the favor and be there when you need me. you see, it is ok to be sad. you do not have to be happy and bottle things up anymore. for months you have been a rock for me to fall on. now that things are better for me...let me be that rock for you when you need me. i love ya kid.
Robin- i love you and miss you so much. i just want to thank you for sticking with me and not giving up on me. things have been hard for both of us these 6 months but the important thing is that we are here and we are living proof that though it may be dark and cloudy, the sun will still shine again. I think i can climb down from that bridge now, are you coming too?
Chris- i honestly dont know how to say the feelings i need to express to you. i love you chris. we have been through so much but without you i would not be typing this to you today. we are proof that the roots of friendship run deeper than we know. we have lied to each other, screamed at each other and done somethings we are not proud of but we still remain friends. i love that and that proves inner strength on bothour parts. thank you so much for all you have done for me. i will always love ya bud....uhuhuhuhuhuh!
Lauren Kempster- as odd as this may seem you are one of the people i choose to keep in my life. your prayers have kept me alive and your advice made me open my eyes to thing i didn't want to see. i have found god this last week and so much mare...thank you.
Matt Jarvis- since you left things hve gotten so hard. it is like i was about to fall deeper into this endless dark hole and you were the only thing saving me, then out of no where you let go. i fell flat to the bottem and surprisingly you were not one of the people that help me learn to stand on my own feet again. instead i found cat, chris, and amy there waiting for me. i had a dream the night that cat yelled at me that jenn was telling me that this was not the way to solve my problems. so i to a long look at my life and realized what i need to do. good- bye matt. i wish you happiness on your knew path in life. sfrom your former little sister, i am through crying over you.
to any of the 41 people i went on plunge with- thank you for opening my eyes to what i was doing. love and miss ya guys...
so this is what i had to say to all of you. take it as you may
cb