SVM: Drop Dead Gorgeous, Episode 2: Eric's New Office
SVM: Drop Dead Gorgeous, Episode 2: Eric's New Office
Pam: ♫ ♪ Hmm hmm hmmm...♪ ♫
Pam: Ah, Eric. You're here.
Eric: So I am. Good evening, Pam, Valkyrie.
Valkyrie: Good evening, Sheriff.
Eric: So...are the renovations in our offices complete, Pam?
Pam: Why, yes they are! I'm sure you're going to love yours...the furniture is even better in person than it was in the online images. I'm very pleased with it.
Eric: Excellent. Then if you need me...
Pam: You'll be in your gorgeous new office?
Eric: Exactly.
Pam: Wait for it...wait for it...
Pam: NOW.
Eric: PAM!!!
Valkyrie: (*snicker*)
Eric: What is this?
Pam: It's your new office, silly!
Eric: I realize that, Pamela. Perhaps I should have been more precise and asked, “What is the meaning of this?”
Pam: It's lovely, isn't it?
Eric: ...
Pam: I understand; you're overwhelmed. There's no need to thank me, Eric. After all, I am undead to serve.
Eric: Pamela, my office has been decorated in pastels and butterflies and cherry blossoms.
Pam: Of course, Eric. Don't you remember what you instructed?
Eric: What I instructed was “Make it memorable and impressive. Spare no expense.”
Pam: I'll have you know, I followed those instructions to the letter! Do you have any idea how much this furniture cost? It's vintage and it was NRFB! And I'm not even going to mention the shipping!
Pam: Honestly, Eric...if you wanted wood and leather, you should have said so. You're the one who said memorable. How could anyone ever forget this?
Eric: …
Pam: You haven't even tried the chairs yet. They're very comfortable.
Eric: …
*THUD!*
Eric: Get out. Now.
Pam: I'd offer to trade offices with you, but I went with a Sanrio theme in mine. I know you're more of a San-X fan.
Eric: I do rather like those black and white pigs...
Pam: You just can't stay mad at me, can you, Master?
Eric: (*wholly unnecessary sigh*) Did the seller of the furniture happen to offer a return policy?
Pam: I'd love to say yes, but then I'd be lying, and I just can't do that to you. As my Maker and all.
Eric: Pam, as sheriff, you know that I depend on this office in making a first impression on my subjects and petitioners. What kind of impression do you suppose vintage Mattel and a pastel butterfly wonderland will make on people?
Pam: It will say, “I am vampire sheriff Eric Northman, and I am supremely confident in my sexuality! Oh, and in my taste in décor as well.”
Eric: You are entirely too mischievous for your own good sometimes, Pamela. No one ever will forget this office, will they?
Pam: That's the spirit, Eric! Own it!
Eric: Pam?
Pam: Yes?
Eric: Get out.
~END~