Here's a good one for Uncle Dave, Auntie Di, and Rene (the mom)
As per a discussion I had with my wonderful Uncle this past weekend at my brother's graduation festivities - I have decided to update my journal with something I would not normally post due to my regular readers (see subject line).
Get ready to be scared you three.
Yesterday I got back to ol' Chicago after a weekend away at the graduation of my dear brother Dan. I had been in the process of exhausting my food supply for 2 weeks prior to my departure to NH, with the plans to embark on a massive shopping extravaganza upon my return. And that's exactly what I did.
Because of the extreme lack of food, I arrived at the store sans grocery list and decided it would be the best idea to zig as well as zag my way through all the aisles, ensuring that I would not miss any essential addition to my cart.
About halfway through my adventure I noticed that I was seeing the same man in every aisle that I was in. No sweat, I thought to myself. He must be a zig zagger too. When I reached the opposite end of the store from where I had begun, there he was. Odd - I observed - he's not carrying any items except for an Osco bag from a previous purchase. He has no shopping cart or basket, and he doesn't really seem to be looking at anything.
Being the eternal optimist and giving people the benefit of the doubt until my opinion is 300% defeated I chalked it up to a coincidence. Maybe I needed more food. I'd simply began to zog and zug instead of zig and zag. There is less of a pattern when one zogs and zugs, so if he was still following me, then I would lay the smack down (read: tell the store manager...a young man probably my junior with a cracking voice and pimples. Surely he'd know what to do).
Scallops sound great for dinner! I went to the opposite end of the store and got some fish for dinner, and ta da! There he was!. Mind you he's already been to this side of the store once (at the beginning of our excursion). I took my fish and went halfway across the store to the chip aisle and went to the front of the store. No sign of him at first, but then I saw him walking towards me (a fair distance away) so I went to the ice cream aisle (at the end again) and lo and behold, he wanted ice cream too. I went to the chip aisle again and walked down it only to almost run into him at the end of the aisle. He was walking by all the aisles (at a quickened pace) looking down each one. He saw me, but kept walking (I can only assume it would've been a little too obvious if he stopped right there). I was getting pretty *fucking* (that's for you Uncle Dave) freaked at this point, but I decided I'd stop in the card aisle and read random cards for a while and see if he found me. I think he was on to me (I was zogging and zugging a lot) and the fact that I was on to him - because he never showed up after about 15 minutes in the card aisle. I found a line and checked out as quickly as possible looking for the man the whole time. No sign of him. Very scary situation.
How's that for an update?
On an unrelated note - I'm showing toe-cleavage today, and I don't like it.
Get ready to be scared you three.
Yesterday I got back to ol' Chicago after a weekend away at the graduation of my dear brother Dan. I had been in the process of exhausting my food supply for 2 weeks prior to my departure to NH, with the plans to embark on a massive shopping extravaganza upon my return. And that's exactly what I did.
Because of the extreme lack of food, I arrived at the store sans grocery list and decided it would be the best idea to zig as well as zag my way through all the aisles, ensuring that I would not miss any essential addition to my cart.
About halfway through my adventure I noticed that I was seeing the same man in every aisle that I was in. No sweat, I thought to myself. He must be a zig zagger too. When I reached the opposite end of the store from where I had begun, there he was. Odd - I observed - he's not carrying any items except for an Osco bag from a previous purchase. He has no shopping cart or basket, and he doesn't really seem to be looking at anything.
Being the eternal optimist and giving people the benefit of the doubt until my opinion is 300% defeated I chalked it up to a coincidence. Maybe I needed more food. I'd simply began to zog and zug instead of zig and zag. There is less of a pattern when one zogs and zugs, so if he was still following me, then I would lay the smack down (read: tell the store manager...a young man probably my junior with a cracking voice and pimples. Surely he'd know what to do).
Scallops sound great for dinner! I went to the opposite end of the store and got some fish for dinner, and ta da! There he was!. Mind you he's already been to this side of the store once (at the beginning of our excursion). I took my fish and went halfway across the store to the chip aisle and went to the front of the store. No sign of him at first, but then I saw him walking towards me (a fair distance away) so I went to the ice cream aisle (at the end again) and lo and behold, he wanted ice cream too. I went to the chip aisle again and walked down it only to almost run into him at the end of the aisle. He was walking by all the aisles (at a quickened pace) looking down each one. He saw me, but kept walking (I can only assume it would've been a little too obvious if he stopped right there). I was getting pretty *fucking* (that's for you Uncle Dave) freaked at this point, but I decided I'd stop in the card aisle and read random cards for a while and see if he found me. I think he was on to me (I was zogging and zugging a lot) and the fact that I was on to him - because he never showed up after about 15 minutes in the card aisle. I found a line and checked out as quickly as possible looking for the man the whole time. No sign of him. Very scary situation.
How's that for an update?
On an unrelated note - I'm showing toe-cleavage today, and I don't like it.