(no subject)
I can't remember the last time i posted... but I have something on my mind that I am currently fuming about. Despite the fact that i should be working on my homework, i am instead upset, again, about this great little thing called school.
I don't know about you, but I was pushed into going to college. There is no other direct way of saying it, even though there are plenty more politically correct ways to phrase. I was told since i was little I could be anything I wanted to be, and could strive for anything I wanted to. However, at some point on my way from childhood to choosing my adult path, I was informed that striving for anything less than above the status quoe was not to be done, let alone actually falling into it. At this point, my goal was to figure out what i wanted to do with the rest of my life. It was only natural, and this was such a small thing to ask of a 17 year old, of course.
I now look back on the last years of high school, and the first years of college with such regret. Had I known that whatever I had chosen to be my life's ambition would very well nearly suck the life out of me, I would have decided to be someone so much more whimsical and quite frankly, not as ambitious.
The fact that I am supposed to graduate in about a year, and yet am scared shittless on weather or not I can actually achieve the degree I have been working on (college wise) since the fall of 2004.... well, quite frankly it makes me sick. Which it has, in all the most figurative and literal terms. I have not gone to class in about a week, and before then, have skipped probably more class this semester than I have since I started 1st grade. Why pray tell may you ask. Oh, no reason, just the fact that I cannot sit for tests well, which is foundation upon which school is structured. Now, if tests alone are my problem, why can't I just talk to the professors, and see if I can't get help in that area. Here is why my dears..... apparently, I "should just change to business" if i can't figure out "these basic problems" that are on the tests I so drastically fail.
I'll admit, of the 5 classes I am in right now, I have had 4 first tests:
Structural Analysis (second time around): 30
Reinforced Concrete: anywhere from a 15-30 I'm betting, as I have not gotten back the test, but only came in more than half way through the testing and finished less than half the test.
Water Resources: 96
Hydrology: 115/125 (take home test)
So, I'm either right there, knowing exactly what to do... or don't know a thing.
It certainly tells me that the specialty I want to go into is correct, however, getting there in the midst of all these other classes does not seem to be working for me.
I am, therefore, left to battle it out. Fighting between wanting to give up, and being told to give up by professors, and being told by my family and friends outside school that I should stick it out... I'm so close.... I'm going to achieve something very few do.
That's fine, but is it really worth me making myself sick day after day?
I don't know about you, but I was pushed into going to college. There is no other direct way of saying it, even though there are plenty more politically correct ways to phrase. I was told since i was little I could be anything I wanted to be, and could strive for anything I wanted to. However, at some point on my way from childhood to choosing my adult path, I was informed that striving for anything less than above the status quoe was not to be done, let alone actually falling into it. At this point, my goal was to figure out what i wanted to do with the rest of my life. It was only natural, and this was such a small thing to ask of a 17 year old, of course.
I now look back on the last years of high school, and the first years of college with such regret. Had I known that whatever I had chosen to be my life's ambition would very well nearly suck the life out of me, I would have decided to be someone so much more whimsical and quite frankly, not as ambitious.
The fact that I am supposed to graduate in about a year, and yet am scared shittless on weather or not I can actually achieve the degree I have been working on (college wise) since the fall of 2004.... well, quite frankly it makes me sick. Which it has, in all the most figurative and literal terms. I have not gone to class in about a week, and before then, have skipped probably more class this semester than I have since I started 1st grade. Why pray tell may you ask. Oh, no reason, just the fact that I cannot sit for tests well, which is foundation upon which school is structured. Now, if tests alone are my problem, why can't I just talk to the professors, and see if I can't get help in that area. Here is why my dears..... apparently, I "should just change to business" if i can't figure out "these basic problems" that are on the tests I so drastically fail.
I'll admit, of the 5 classes I am in right now, I have had 4 first tests:
Structural Analysis (second time around): 30
Reinforced Concrete: anywhere from a 15-30 I'm betting, as I have not gotten back the test, but only came in more than half way through the testing and finished less than half the test.
Water Resources: 96
Hydrology: 115/125 (take home test)
So, I'm either right there, knowing exactly what to do... or don't know a thing.
It certainly tells me that the specialty I want to go into is correct, however, getting there in the midst of all these other classes does not seem to be working for me.
I am, therefore, left to battle it out. Fighting between wanting to give up, and being told to give up by professors, and being told by my family and friends outside school that I should stick it out... I'm so close.... I'm going to achieve something very few do.
That's fine, but is it really worth me making myself sick day after day?