(no subject)
ahh sometimes i really hate when friends vioce their opinions... i mean i am glad because they open your eyes but it reaslly sucks to soak in reality. last night i was tlaking to tara and told her that eric and i kissed but it wasnt like a real kiss. she asked me if jake was still telling me i love you and i was like yeah. and she asked what i was saying back and i told her yes. i mean what am i supposed to do just sit ther all silent when he says it. i mean i do love and care about him but right now i am seeing how i love him. i dont know if i am in love with him or not. then she was telling me all this shit about like if he knew about eric and stuff that he would so hurt. ahh i hate this situation. i dont know what i am feeling. i have such a history with eric and i care about him alot, but then again when it was mine and jakes last night together, we .. yeah... and it was so sweet candles lit music playing and afterwards i cried and i dont know why. there are just things i want him to dofor himself and for me. i dont want to have to push him to do everything. i dont want to be a mom . like i want to stop talking to eric but things are going so well and i dont know if i can... she was liek the way i see it you win either way. jake is still there if eric doesnt work out and if it does you have eric. grr i hate this. i am going to get really wasted this weekend with chrissy fri night and then with tara sat night. i wanna go to the beach on sunday since i got it off. yay! ugh i feel so crappy about this. i am going to go and sulk.