New Findings... and the Barn

[lilbean20]

its amazing how at one moment everything can change. I don't understand it. Everything is one way, and then all of a sudden, one thing is said, and everything is changed. At least I know a few of my feelings now. I understand a lot more things now and I know a little bit of what I want. I just can't wait for the summer to finally hit and for me to get a little freedom. I'm gonna get a cell phone over the summer. Yay for me. kind of exciting cause it'll be mine... and I'll have to maintain it. ooo some responsibility for jillybean. its about time. I'm gonna be 21. I need at least one bill to pay. lol. Hopefully this summer will be a good one. I know that I'm gonna have a blast at the barn. I'm gonna learn a lot. its quite exciting. I've made some pretty close friends this year. Hopefully they will make it to my birthday party that I'm havin this summer. I can't wait till my birthday. I'm gonna be 21 and an adult finally. Its about damn time. Jillybean has done a lot of growing up this semester. I know what I want to do for the rest of my life. All I have to decide is where. and honestly, if I'm meant to be with Harry, then we will be together. If not, then we'll be great friends. We will figure everything out this summer. I know that I love him. Hes great to me. I'm just confused thats all. I guess its the I'm gonna be on my own thing. The maturing thing. and I don't want to hurt him, thats the last thing that I want to do. hes one of those people that would do anything for the person that he loves. Thats a good thing, but not always the best thing... sometimes you just have to fight to get things. and not have them given to you. and not like the arguing fight... the kind of things that you have to work for. yeah thats what I meant.
So anyways... I had an interesting day at the barn. got kicked... stepped on... been there from 8am till 5pm... not always the greatest thing in the world. Poor Amanda. she was so freaked out today cause things weren't getting done like they were supposed to be. I feel bad for her. Shes a good person, and she tends to let people walk all over her. I hate it when I'm like that... I'm the same damn way. Oh well... I'm just too soft hearted. damn me... Well... I'm off to bed... another day at the barn is nearing...