(no subject)
tonight is aepi formal, and tomorrow is senior formal. i'm not going to either. a couple weeks ago, i missed out on chi o formal.
(on a side note: why the f*ck do i still pay dues, honestly?? i don't go to sh*t... i missed chi overboard last quarter for isc, missed sigma chi derby days and chiolympics this week, missed the fountain party last week and i haven't cared enough to go to a frat mixer since probably the beginning of sophomore year. what a waste of almost $200 a quarter...)
i remember during prom season, we said that formals were difficult--because they brought to the surface all the tensions and things that you could gloss over during the rest of the year. but you couldn't run away from date choices, from group choices, from all of that--not during prom season, when not making a choice was no longer going to cut it.
this is what i feel like right now--that indecision just isn't going to cut it.
(i'm pretty certain about what i should do. but i don't have the courage yet to do it... i need time, and that's perhaps the one thing i don't have anymore, not at this point. i need to decide now--tomorrow--and i'm just having mini panic attacks thinking about it.)
i think it's significant that he didn't ask me to senior formal.
i'm really, really tired. maybe tonight i'll sleep before one, for once....?
/e: yeah, right... sleep before four, maybe?