then you find your only friend in a room with your two-timer
So yesterday could have quite possibly been one of the worst days ever. Period. Work was a bitch, as usual, so it's not even so much that. Things started to go well until Andrew and I were talking about our online journals (he has a Diaryland journal) and I mentioned that I put quotes in my journal from people. Then he said "Yeah, Brandon IM'd me one night and told me that you had one of our conversations on your Live Journal. He thought I didn't know." Well, goddammit, I wasn't aware Brandon was reading my journal. And I know exactly how he got the address.
So anyway, after work Randall and I went to the dumpsters and had a pretty serious talk. I got kinda bummed out, and called Jonathon to talk to him. He was kinda drunk, I could tell. I was like "I've had a pretty shitty night." Then, he said "Well you can just come to my house and we'll have sex, and everything will be okay!" I said "Uh, no." He got all mad and started rambling, and then told me "Well if you're gonna be like that, I'm hanging up."
I really got upset about it. I felt so numb inside, and I realized I was hitting rock bottom when I stuck my hand in a tea urn full of scalding hot water and DIDN'T FEEL IT. So I finished all my stuff up, and asked Christy if I could clock out and sit outside for 15 or 20 minutes. She said yeah, so I clocked out, sat outside by the dumpsters, and smoked 6 cigarettes in a row. Randall and Adam came out there and talked to me, and then I came back in. I was going to help the frontline finish scrubbing, but they were already through. I asked Christy if they were already done, and she shot me a dirty look and said "Yeah, since your 15 minutes turned into an hour." I walked out as she was saying something to me. For one thing, it wasn't an hour. 35 minutes at the MOST. Fuck you, Christy. FUCK YOU.
I feel worse than I've felt in a long time. I have no feelings. I don't care about anything or anyone. I feel so alone, and right now, that's the way I think it should be. I'm sure I'll be over it in a few days. I believe that my job makes me this way. I think it makes all of us that work there this way.
*flips off the world*
*turns around, hangs head*
*shuffles away*
So anyway, after work Randall and I went to the dumpsters and had a pretty serious talk. I got kinda bummed out, and called Jonathon to talk to him. He was kinda drunk, I could tell. I was like "I've had a pretty shitty night." Then, he said "Well you can just come to my house and we'll have sex, and everything will be okay!" I said "Uh, no." He got all mad and started rambling, and then told me "Well if you're gonna be like that, I'm hanging up."
I really got upset about it. I felt so numb inside, and I realized I was hitting rock bottom when I stuck my hand in a tea urn full of scalding hot water and DIDN'T FEEL IT. So I finished all my stuff up, and asked Christy if I could clock out and sit outside for 15 or 20 minutes. She said yeah, so I clocked out, sat outside by the dumpsters, and smoked 6 cigarettes in a row. Randall and Adam came out there and talked to me, and then I came back in. I was going to help the frontline finish scrubbing, but they were already through. I asked Christy if they were already done, and she shot me a dirty look and said "Yeah, since your 15 minutes turned into an hour." I walked out as she was saying something to me. For one thing, it wasn't an hour. 35 minutes at the MOST. Fuck you, Christy. FUCK YOU.
I feel worse than I've felt in a long time. I have no feelings. I don't care about anything or anyone. I feel so alone, and right now, that's the way I think it should be. I'm sure I'll be over it in a few days. I believe that my job makes me this way. I think it makes all of us that work there this way.
*flips off the world*
*turns around, hangs head*
*shuffles away*