Fuck it.

[lilaowow]

I really need to talk. I don't write in my regular journal because I don't want to hear about it from all the same people. I'm afraid my boyfriend will see my paper journal. And I'm too goddamn cheap and lazy and depressed to go see a therapist right now, especially since Patricia made me feel like I was dragging a knife over fresh wounds.

I don't want to go anywhere right now.

I don't want to make myself a healthy sandwich, put carrots and snappeas and nuts into my backpack and go study.

I don't want to make eggs or eat yogurt.

So far this morning I've had a bowl of chocolate ice cream and two happy hippos.

I'm watching Real Housewives of Orange County and I can't get off my ass to do my readings for today. I might have an assignment due today, and I didn't do it.

Bev's voice when I told her I wanted to drop her class made me feel like shit. Like she was so mad at me and I was so horrible for not wanting to be in the class anymore. And now I don't even want to audit it.

Why am I such a fuck up I can't handle 15 credits and 6 hours a week of work?

So fine, I'll get a 4.0 with 12 credits... but what if I don't?

This semester is SO hard and I have no idea why.

There is something wrong with me.