(no subject)
Gosh, it's been awhile since I last posted. Figured it was time for a Christmas update.
We had a great Christmas, lots of family, lots of food. It was such a busy 3 days, I'm not sure when I'll recover. I got lots of great presents (a beautiful pair of diamond earrings) and lots of stuff for our house. Now only if we had a new one to put all these lovelies in.
Christmas this year was quite different. We all sensed something was missing. We watched the video of my grandfather and it brough back many memories and tears. We made it through, though. For the first time, we began to laugh at all the crazy things he used to do. I'm so thankful that finally we can laugh and remember the good times instead of dwelling on the fact that he is gone.
I visited my father last night for our Christmas dinner. Things went smoothly, I suppose, no big occurences, no fights. But then again, my father and step-mother were feeling quite well and were quite giddy. Seems like that is the norm lately.
After last night, I've decided that I will quit trying with my father. I've called and attempted to talk to him. I've made every effort that I know of. But repeatedly last night, he kept referring to my step-sister as sweetheart and treating her more like his own that he did me. I understand that they may have a close relationship since she did live with him when my dad remarried. As an outsider looking in, you would think I was the stepchild, not her. To me, it was almost like they were 'showing out' and putting on a show just to prove something to me.
I've never had much of a relationship with my father. At one time, it bothered me. When I saw a father and daughter together, I almost wished that I could be her. Not anymore though. My father is not someone I can look up to, not someone I can count on. He doesn't even know me. And as awful as it sounds, I can't help but feel that my life might be much calmer if we stay to ourselves from now on. I just can't deal with all this crap, all the hurt feelings, all times I've felt left out. So with that being said, I'm done.
We had a great Christmas, lots of family, lots of food. It was such a busy 3 days, I'm not sure when I'll recover. I got lots of great presents (a beautiful pair of diamond earrings) and lots of stuff for our house. Now only if we had a new one to put all these lovelies in.
Christmas this year was quite different. We all sensed something was missing. We watched the video of my grandfather and it brough back many memories and tears. We made it through, though. For the first time, we began to laugh at all the crazy things he used to do. I'm so thankful that finally we can laugh and remember the good times instead of dwelling on the fact that he is gone.
I visited my father last night for our Christmas dinner. Things went smoothly, I suppose, no big occurences, no fights. But then again, my father and step-mother were feeling quite well and were quite giddy. Seems like that is the norm lately.
After last night, I've decided that I will quit trying with my father. I've called and attempted to talk to him. I've made every effort that I know of. But repeatedly last night, he kept referring to my step-sister as sweetheart and treating her more like his own that he did me. I understand that they may have a close relationship since she did live with him when my dad remarried. As an outsider looking in, you would think I was the stepchild, not her. To me, it was almost like they were 'showing out' and putting on a show just to prove something to me.
I've never had much of a relationship with my father. At one time, it bothered me. When I saw a father and daughter together, I almost wished that I could be her. Not anymore though. My father is not someone I can look up to, not someone I can count on. He doesn't even know me. And as awful as it sounds, I can't help but feel that my life might be much calmer if we stay to ourselves from now on. I just can't deal with all this crap, all the hurt feelings, all times I've felt left out. So with that being said, I'm done.