i've had an interesting past few weeks...with more to come..
i make bad decisions. yes most people my age make most of the same bad decisions, but i don't ever wanna find myself like this again.
obviously i'm still going to have fun, and although i found myself saying those very famous words "i'm never drinking again", i know i'm going to. but at least now i know more about it, and who to do it with, and more importantly who i can count on. It's all about experience and learning what's ok..so at least now i know what i can..or can't.. handle.
I dunno what i would have done without matt. we're STILL going through some dificult times but at least i know i can count on him to be there for me when i really need him.
I think what's most difficult right now is that throughout the 2 years we went out, we weren't really being ourselves. we were being, as corny as it sounds, "spadanger". I guess what I mean is we were being what made eachother happy. the problem now is we've both given up on being fake and we're showing who we really are: He's being the cocky asshole he is(yea i know, biased opinion) and i'm being the insecure bitch i am.
Whats most important to me right now is to figure out who I am, make myself happy, and keep moving on with my life no matter how afraid i am to move on. this way i can learn to love myself and hopefully once I've done that, i can learn to love someone else...whoever that may be.
I think i've said this before but i'm extremely afraid of change. i love the way things are with my life now. i mean yea there are things id like to change..but at least i know how things are now. i hate going into the unknown..its scary, and the fact that i'm leaving in less than 5 months to be on my own is sort of terrifying. i'm just gunna keep pushing myself. i know i have so many more amazing things ahead of me so i just gotta keep going.
I have a lot coming up. April looks like its going to be one of the busiest months I've had in a while and all the months after that look equally packed. I hope I don't freak and go into overload seeing as I havn't done anything these past few months due to senioritis haha.
April: Cinderella, DISNEY ahhh!, & fashion show
May: nothin really just tons of bdays, the senior trip, relay for life, and weeks of pushing myself through school which i'm sure will seem like months with graduation so soon.
June: PROM (i still don't know what I'm doing after which is really depressing =/), band dinner, GRADUATION! (holy shit i'm graduating!)
July: family reunion (what? i didnt know i had enough family to have a reunion haha), 4th of July party, PARIS!!! (yes i'm going to paris for a week and a half with my aunt, uncle, and sister. its going to be amazing)
August: oh boy...i'm leaving for school on august 16th...i'm so nervous...and excited...but mostly nervous. I'm leaving so early!
& now i'm going to clean my room and get some work done for my term paper on animal farm...cya
obviously i'm still going to have fun, and although i found myself saying those very famous words "i'm never drinking again", i know i'm going to. but at least now i know more about it, and who to do it with, and more importantly who i can count on. It's all about experience and learning what's ok..so at least now i know what i can..or can't.. handle.
I dunno what i would have done without matt. we're STILL going through some dificult times but at least i know i can count on him to be there for me when i really need him.
I think what's most difficult right now is that throughout the 2 years we went out, we weren't really being ourselves. we were being, as corny as it sounds, "spadanger". I guess what I mean is we were being what made eachother happy. the problem now is we've both given up on being fake and we're showing who we really are: He's being the cocky asshole he is(yea i know, biased opinion) and i'm being the insecure bitch i am.
Whats most important to me right now is to figure out who I am, make myself happy, and keep moving on with my life no matter how afraid i am to move on. this way i can learn to love myself and hopefully once I've done that, i can learn to love someone else...whoever that may be.
I think i've said this before but i'm extremely afraid of change. i love the way things are with my life now. i mean yea there are things id like to change..but at least i know how things are now. i hate going into the unknown..its scary, and the fact that i'm leaving in less than 5 months to be on my own is sort of terrifying. i'm just gunna keep pushing myself. i know i have so many more amazing things ahead of me so i just gotta keep going.
I have a lot coming up. April looks like its going to be one of the busiest months I've had in a while and all the months after that look equally packed. I hope I don't freak and go into overload seeing as I havn't done anything these past few months due to senioritis haha.
April: Cinderella, DISNEY ahhh!, & fashion show
May: nothin really just tons of bdays, the senior trip, relay for life, and weeks of pushing myself through school which i'm sure will seem like months with graduation so soon.
June: PROM (i still don't know what I'm doing after which is really depressing =/), band dinner, GRADUATION! (holy shit i'm graduating!)
July: family reunion (what? i didnt know i had enough family to have a reunion haha), 4th of July party, PARIS!!! (yes i'm going to paris for a week and a half with my aunt, uncle, and sister. its going to be amazing)
August: oh boy...i'm leaving for school on august 16th...i'm so nervous...and excited...but mostly nervous. I'm leaving so early!
& now i'm going to clean my room and get some work done for my term paper on animal farm...cya