Conquering Heroes and Clinic Duty (Abandoned Me Pt. 14/??)
Conquering Heroes and Clinic Duty (Abandoned Me Pt. 14/??)
Disclaimer: Not mine. Never was. Never will be. Though Cuddy and House would be happier if I had custody.
Pairing: House/Cuddy and Cameron/Wilson (eventually)
Spoiler: S4 Finale
Rating: PG-13
AN: This was fun. ggls I went looking for a case that actually happened to give to House. snickers Oh man... I can see why the guy hates Clinic duty.
Three donor tours later and the piles of paperwork having decreased only slightly, Cuddy was able to stop being disappointed and admit to herself, at least, that Cameron’s reality check was a good thing. That didn’t mean she had to like it.
“Hail the conquering hero…”
Looking up, Cuddy couldn’t help but smile as saw him leaning in her doorway, holding a file and a bottle of champagne in one hand and swinging his cane with the other. He was a welcome distraction - which was a strange feeling considering a couple of months ago she’d have winced to see him at her office door - and thoughts of her and Cameron’s discussion faded.
“Dr. Gregory House, Board Certified Diagnostician with double specialties in Nephrology and Infectious Disease reporting for duty…” He limped up to her desk. “So where do you want me first? The desk? Janitor closet? Maybe the sleep lab…”
“I was thinking the clinic, House.” Cuddy said with a smile as she dug up a pair of coffee mugs from her desk.
House popped the cork on the champagne and poured the first mug full and slid it back to her. “Clinic, huh? Kinky… Are we talking in the waiting room or one of the exam rooms? I mean the exam rooms are more private - but the walls are pretty thin… Then again - I didn’t think exhibitionism was your thing…”
A chuckle escaped her lips. “House…” She watched as he filled the second mug and set the bottle aside on the desk.
“Ah ah…” House smirked and leaned into her across her desk. The fact that she leaned in to him as well didn’t escape him. “It just seems dirtier than normal because you’re really…” He leaned closer. “…Really tempted to take me up on it, Cuddy.” He stressed her last name to show that he was adhering - at least mostly - to her set boundaries for work. The fact that his lips were so close to hers that he could feel her breath on them, he happily ignored.
“In your dreams, House.” Cuddy purred then pulled back and lifted her mug, her eyes sparkling. “What are we drinking to?”
“Well I was thinking me passing might be worth a drink - especially since those board guys didn’t seem to like me much…” House smirked. “They seemed to think amnesia should have had more effect on my overall me-ness.”
“Like a few lost memories is going to stop you from being an ass…” She rolled her eyes in disbelief.
“Exactly… What were they thinking?” House scoffed playfully.
“I’ve absolutely no idea, House.” Cuddy shook her head and raised her glass. “To you being you… but doing your clinic hours.”
“Awww… You’re making me blush…” House batted his eyelashes in mock coquettishness before he clinked his mug against hers and they both drank.
“I don’t suppose I can get you in a lab coat?” Cuddy asked as she set her mug down.
“And mess with my unique sense of style…” House smoothed down the lapels of his jacket, which did absolutely nothing for his rumpled button down or the t-shirt beneath it.
“Didn’t think so…” Cuddy sat back down and made shooing motions with her hands. “Go… I thought you were bored.”
“Not bored while I’m bothering you…” House grinned as he rocked against his cane.
“I’ve got work to do, and so do you…” Cuddy forced herself to concentrate on her paperwork, hoping he would get bored. The familiar three beat gait against the floor of her office told her she’d been right.
“So do you want stir fry for supper? If you’re going to be late, I’ll stop at the store on the way home.” House asked from the doorway.
“Sounds good…” She stole a glance upward and smiled at him, before she put her attention back on her paperwork. “See you tonight, House.”
“Later, babe…” House snuck it in as he limped off towards the clinic. He couldn’t see it but his words only brought a smile to Cuddy’s face.
When he arrived at the clinic desk, he reveled in the wince the nurse on duty gave, even though he didn’t know the specifics why. “Dr. House signing in at two o’clock.”
“You’re back?” She eyed him warily.
“Bored. Certified. And everything…” He said with an evil grin across his face.
She held out a file as she rolled her eyes. “Exam room one…”
“Right toe…” He snatched the file and a cherry lollipop on a second pass. “No seriously, my right toe - I think someone stepped on it.” He smirked as the nurse shook her head and he limped off to the exam room.
Pushing open the door, House regarded the reasonably attractive teenager warily as he read the chart. “So… Marianne, right?” She nodded without saying anything as he settled down on the stool in front of the bed she was sitting on. “It says here you’re not sexually active…”
“No, I’m not…” The girl shook her head earnestly.
“Interesting… Because the results from your pregnancy test came in…” House snapped the file shut and sighed. “And it’s positive. So either, it’s an alien abduction incident or you’re lying… I’m betting on the later. So again, are you sexually active?”
“No…" The girl answered with wide eyes. "Generally I just lay there.”
Closing his eyes, he reached into his pocket and popped open his bottle of Vicodin. Tapping out two into the palm of his hand, he tossed them back and dry swallowed them. He was fairly certain that the pain of dealing with this girl was reasonable use of his pain meds. “Oh. Kay. Any idea who the father is?”
“No, who?” The girl looked up at him with a blank expression on her face.
“Third option, stupidity.” House shook his head then started writing out a script. “This is for your pre-natal vitamins…” He handed the girl the first slip. “This …” He wrote out the second. “Is a referral to an OB… You’re going to want to talk options.” He stood and limped out of the room, hearing a faint, ‘Thank you’ from the patient as he went.
Two hours of mostly the same later, House had substantially less Vicodin than he had started with and no patience left. “Dr. House signing out at four o’clock.”
To his surprise, the nurse actually smiled at him. “I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it - but this has to be a new record for you. Two hours of actually seeing patients - not just hiding in an exam room and watching TV or playing your Gameboy.”
“You mean that was an option…” House put his hand to his mouth, smirking as the nurse scowled. “Oh snap… You got me good.”
He limped back to Cuddy’s office. “Cuddy SO owes me hot sex after today.” The best part of the head shaking from the others around, was that he knew what they didn’t. That Lisa would very likely happily put out. He chuckled as he arrived at her door and saw her head down over her desk, completely oblivious as he walked inside. “Now, I know why me offering to do clinic duty turned you on… You’re a closet sadist aren’t you?”
Cuddy looked up then looked at the clock. “You actually treated patients for a full two hours…” That was way beyond his normal tolerance.
“The magic Vicodin bottle says - ‘Pill level indicates it is decidedly so’…” House rattled his pills.
“Greg…” She stood as she broke her own rules. He’d been doing so well on cutting down on his pill use since the amnesia that this wasn’t what she wanted to see. “Did your leg actually hurt?”
The guilt he felt at the disappointment he heard in her voice made him lash out. “Actually I was trying to improve my rapport with my patients - talk to them from their level. The only way I could get that stupid was to get high.”
“You just got your license back… Do you want to loose it again - probably permanently?” Cuddy crossed her arms over her chest.
“Aren’t I supposed to be head of diagnostics?” House asked.
“Clinic duty is a part of your contract and we don’t have a patient in Diagnostics.” Cuddy sighed. “Look - you don’t need to do a full two hours of clinic everyday… Give me one hour a day in Clinic and the rest of the time you can help out in ER. Cameron would love having an extra set of hands down there.”
House thought about it for a minute. “Alright - but only during Clinic hours.” It stood to reason that most of the stupid cases went to the Clinic during daylight hours, and the ER only got emergencies - which while still caused by stupidity, in most cases there’d be more adrenaline involved at least.
“Done… And you can go back to Diagnostics as soon as you find a case.” Cuddy looked up at him. “I’ll grab my purse and we can head out.”
Watching as she shut down her computer and packed up her briefcase - a slight smile crossed House’s lips - he knew Cuddy - and he knew the only reason she was leaving on time was because he was there to go home with.