sj fic: a change for sarah jane smith - fraying connections 8/9
Title: A Change for Sarah Jane Smith - Fraying Connections 8/9
Author: lilahkat
Characters: Sarah Jane Smith, 10th Doctor, Luke Smith, K-9, Clyde Langer, Brigadier Alistair Lethbridge Stewart, Captain Jack Harkness, Mickey Smith, Wilfred Mott,
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s): Sarah Jane / 10th Doctor
Word count: 3997
Disclaimer: The BBC owns the Universe.
Summary:After their disastrous Mind Bending contest, will Sarah Jane and the Doctor find each other once more or will it continue to spiral further apart.
Author's Notes: My thanks to Spydurwebb for another masterful beta.
When last we saw our heroes, Sarah Jane had managed to pilot her TARDIS to Bannerman Road, much to the shock of all the former companions and her children who were assembled discussing what action to take next. While the Doctor refused to believe Sarah Jane had perished, when all of their friends accepted that this new Time Lord was in fact Sarah transformed, the Doctor clung to his belief that she was in fact the Rani. In a desperate attempt to prove her true identity to him, Sarah challenges the Doctor to a mind bending contest and only too late does he accept this is his Sarah Jane.
With disastrous results...
"Goodbye, My Sarah Jane..."
Pulling himself from the floor where he'd crumpled, the Doctor moved to the unconscious Sarah Jane's side. A vague memory floated up. One of Sarah's. 'I think he's dying.' He heard her voice, worried about him right after his mind bending battle with Morbius.
"Not on my watch you don't," he muttered determinedly and repeatedly as his hands moved over her, checking her heart beats. "Come on Sarah. How many times did I scare you? That's what you're doing now, isn't it? Getting back at me by scaring me witless." His running commentary did nothing to soothe his nerves as she remained unresponsive - neither regenerating nor awakening. "Let's get you somewhere more comfortable, yeah?"
Picking up her tiny, seemingly frail form in his arms, he crept down the stairs towards her bedroom, praying to long forgotten Gallifreyan gods that something would wake her before he had to explain to Luke how he'd been so stubborn that he nearly killed the lad's mother. The only other Timelord in the universe. His Sarah Jane. Reverently, he laid her on the bed, her still body, pale skin and dark silken hair bringing to mind a fairy tale princess.
"A kiss from a prince, is it? Can't believe that's what you'd need to wake you. 'sides the fact that I'm hardly a prince. More a toad if you come to it." He kept up his one sided dialogue. "This isn't exactly how I pictured our first kiss, you know. Not that I did picture it much. Alright so that might be a lie." He rubbed the back of his neck, continuing to watch for any response from her. "You being unconscious and me panicking was definitely not how it was supposed to go. Alright, so my panicking might be a bit more realistic than, you know, what I imagined. You were definitely not supposed to be unconscious, though." It was a comparison he violently pushed aside when the realisation of how most fairy tales ended occurred to him.
"Sarah Jane Smith isn't a princess waiting to be rescued, is she now?" His hand ran through her hair and his thumb rested along her cheekbone. "You survived, on your own. And look at you, piloting a TARDIS home. You're alive. Anything else can be fixed. Where there's life, right, Sarah Jane?" The lack of response from Sarah ate at him, leaving him wondering if perhaps her earlier suggestion of giving her a 'push' might be the least of what he'd have to do.
A faint flutter like a butterfly's wing in his consciousness as another memory bubbled to the surface. 'All the cells of his body have been devastated by the Metebelis crystals, but you forget, he is a Time Lord. I will give the process a little push and the cells will regenerate. He will become a new man.' It took a moment before he realized that it was from the wrong point of view. He'd never witnessed this. Another of Sarah's memories.
Another flutter and his eyes widened. "Oh you amazing, clever girl." A broad grin crossed his face as he tapped his own temple. "You're in here aren't you?" He moved to the cheval glass perched in the corner, almost expecting to see Sarah Jane looking back at him even though he knew it was impossible. "All tangled up. Now, how do we get you back where you belong? Do I push you to regenerate?" A sharp pain hit behind his eyes. "Owww! Alright Sarah, message received. No need for that."
He could feel her rummaging about in his memories now. "Oy, rude." He mock complained. "Going to have to teach you manners about being telepathic along with reminding you about not crossing your own time line." He smiled slightly as he could sense her ignoring him while she looked for a memory to convey what she needed to. The next flutter wasn't a caress as his own memories rose unbidden. First, him kissing Grace back in his eighth body before the war, then Jack kissing his previous self, followed by him kissing Martha, then finally his previous self kissing Rose to take the Bad Wolf into himself. "Seriously, isn't that a bit cliché?"
Another mental stomp and a decidedly stomach churning sensation of disappointment communicated how Sarah felt about that. Something it took him a moment to decipher. "That's not what I meant at all. It's got nothing to do with whether I want to snog you or not. That's exactly the point - this isn't about want, it's about necessity."
A definite impression of disbelief floated up, followed by the same less than gentle fluttering as she seemed to be searching for something again. He couldn't stop wincing as she clumsily paged through his memories. He stepped away from the mirror and looked at her form still unmoving in the bed. He sat on the edge of the bed and held her upper arms. "Sarah. Sarah! SARAH STOP! What are you looking for?"
A flush of heat passed through him, along with several memories from Sarah's point of view of times when... The heat translated to a full blush. In a sudden flash of insight he knew what she wanted. "I really was very fond of you."
Again his stomach churned as the memories of the kisses with the others rose up again. "It wasn't you, Sarah. There was nothing wrong with you, it was me." He stood up and jammed his hands in his trouser pockets as he began to pace.
A shiver went through him as her presence went icy. "I'm not lying." It got colder still. "I'm not." He sighed. "Every regeneration is different." Flashes of the three different regenerations that had definitely been kissing his companions popped up. "I was much younger then." The cold front in his mind didn't move. "I'd become very fond of Jo." It somehow didn't surprise him that he could hear echoes of his third self in his voice. A continuous dull aching hurt from Sarah rose. "Alright, yes, I was more than fond. Then she left. Completely unaware of how I felt. I was just a bachelor uncle to her, Sarah. Then this other bright spark waltzes into my life. Just as young, just as beautiful. Even more attractive, because you were just as loyal, but oh so clever. I was a coward, Sarah Jane. It seemed impossible. Why would you have ever wanted me?"
Relief flooded him as he felt her soften, the cold receding some. "When I regenerated, I tried to prove myself right. Except I couldn't. Even Harry being with us didn't distract you from me. The longer you stayed, the more important you became to me. My best friend. I wanted you to be more than that, but how? I wasn't a human and you weren't Gallifreyan. I wasn't even certain how to start and if I did, I might have chased you away. I couldn't risk that. So instead, I kept you as close as I could without taking the risk."
The Doctor knew what her next question was before she even found a way to formulate it. "When the Time Lords called, it reminded me. They could be cruel, Sarah Jane. I remembered how I was exiled and what they did to Zoe and Jamie. I couldn't risk that with you and once you were gone all my fears grew. I couldn't come back. The best I could do was bring you K-9 and leave him for you."
There was a sense of expectation from her now. "I still don't like that we're doing this because we have to, Sarah." He crossed back to the bed and perched on the side of it. Contrary to what she thought, it was hardly a hardship to kiss Sarah Jane. Only the circumstances bothered him. Lowering himself down, he claimed her lips, a buzzing that grew in volume filling his ears, and an electrical charge filling the air, making the air he breathed into her mouth feel thick. The fluttering butterfly wing sensation seemed to carry the charge, as though it escaped him all at once.
The shock of her absence in his mind; had he truly become used to it so quickly; was followed by the welcome sensation of her lips moving against his and then he felt her reluctantly withdraw and gently push him away. "Sarah?" He asked apprehensively.
"We need to talk. Actually talk." Sarah pulled back out of temptation's way.
"Might have been reluctant at first," the Doctor pouted, "doesn't mean I want to stop."
"Only minutes ago I nearly died proving to you I wasn't the Rani." Sarah reminded him, "I really think we need to talk before we go further."
"I'm sorry. So sorry for that, Sarah." He looked up, meeting her eyes guiltily. "And we'll fix this. I promise you."
"Fix it?" Sarah frowned as the Rani's warning about the Doctor's self hatred surfaced. "How can you want to kiss me, but want to put back all the barriers that keep us apart? Even if you're freer with your kisses now, you still keep everyone away. All because there are no Gallifreyans left. Because humans grow old and die. Yet I'm a Gallifreyan now and you want to change me back." She stood and crossed to the mirror, gazing at herself and wondering what he saw. "Did it occur to you that I don't want to fix it? That perhaps I'd rather just carry on. Being Gallifreyan isn't something I would have chosen for myself, but now that I am. I don't want to spend my life looking for a way to go back."
The Doctor followed her with his eyes. "Sarah, you don't know what that will mean. Luke, Clyde, Rani. All your friends. All your family. They'll grow old. They'll wither and die. Are you willing to watch that?"
"Humans face death every day, Doctor. How many times have I seen it in my life? My parents, Andrea Yates, Harry, so many people and aliens along our travels? Even if I wasn't Gallifreyan, I'm already familiar with death. Anything could happen to anyone, anytime and I would have to watch. But at least neither of us would have to be alone anymore." She crossed back to him, holding his gaze.
"I'm not worth it, Sarah. You deserve more. So much more." As Wilf's words echoed in his mind the forlorn expression that crossed the Doctor's face was enough to break anyone's heart.
"You don't get to make those decisions for me, Doctor. I'll be the judge of what I deserve." Sarah's voice was low and insistent, willing him to understand and take off the blinders that stopped him from seeing anything but his own viewpoint.
"You don't understand. You can't." With his words, Sarah's hearts sank. As much as he disliked his own race, he hated himself. She hadn't wanted to believe the Rani but it seemed as though her insight into the Doctor wasn't as inaccurate as Sarah had believed. The seeds were there even in the beginning. A sudden sense of hopelessness rose up in her but before he could see her despair, she reached out, pulling him flush against her, her mouth meeting his, hot and demanding.
For a moment, the Doctor was frozen, shocked by her actions then he pulled back and held her gaze. "Slowly," he rumbled, "No need to rush." He brought his hands up and caressed her temples, knowing it was time to give away his younger self's secret. He felt the shiver pass through her as his fingertips grazed her skin, her pupils dilating. "I like how humans kiss, but this is how Gallifreyans kiss."
"You…" Sarah's voice was breathless. "You did kiss me."
"Told you I was a coward." A crooked grin graced his face, his eyes fluttered shut as she brought her fingers up, mimicking his gentle caress. The flush of arousal he expected, but it was the sizzle of a connection, like an electrical charge passing between them that took him by surprise. "Sarah."
A soft moan escaped her as she felt it as well, "What?" She looked questioningly into his eyes as they opened.
Their eyes held each other, as their fingers brushed each other's temples once more. This time their gasps were simultaneous. The Doctor's mind was whirling. It shouldn't have been possible, not without the ceremony to facilitate it. "I don't know. It's probably just a side effect of what happened with the mind bending."
"Not permanent then?" A shot of longing passed through her. As much as what she'd found out made her despair for him, she couldn't put aside the longing to be with him. For them to be a part of one another.
He turned his hand to brush his knuckles against the same points, causing them to both shudder. "At this point, I'll worry about that later."
Sarah could feel his desire through the connection even though his body didn't show any outward signs. She looked up at him questioningly. "Something the Rani didn't think to share, eh?" He smiled reassuringly. "Gallifreyans don't reproduce this way, so this…" He ran his fingers down her neck. "… Is more about connection for those who indulge."
Sarah chewed her lip; nervously, even as she leaned into his caress.
"Everything works the same way, Sarah, its just there's no rush, no urgency." He licked his lips then brushed them against her ear as he whispered. "Time Lords have all the time in the universe, so when we indulge, we're very, very thorough. Does that agree with you?"
A shiver ran up her spine as his breath caressed her ear. "I think I could be convinced." She pushed aside her doubts and worries for the moment to concentrate completely on him and the fulfillment of something she'd been waiting a lifetime for, regardless of what would come tomorrow. Focusing on him, she pulled him closer to the bed, her hands slipping beneath the layers of clothing, her slender fingers stroking over cool skin questing for other places that seemed to send electrical current through their connection.
His hands weren't idle as they explored beneath her clothing as well. The synchronicity of their movements ended when the Doctor began to divest her of her blouse. "Can't wait any longer to see you, my Sarah Jane."
A blush coated her skin and she was once again thankful for how she'd regenerated. "At least I don't look old anymore."
"You never looked old to me." He pushed away her blouse reverently, his fingers drawing patterns over the skin he exposed.
"Liar," Sarah quipped as she turned her attention to pulling away his tie and unbuttoning his shirt. A soft smile crossed her face at his shocked gasp as she traced endearments on his skin in old High Gallifreyan.
"Sarah?" His eyes were alight. "How long did it take for you learn High Gallifreyan?"
"Not as long as you'd think. Only a couple of years in the Vortex. The Rani used virtual learning techniques for a lot of things," Sarah admitted.
The Doctor nodded, well aware of the time distortion effect of the Vortex which when added to the general lack of need to sleep in their species which meant that she'd likely spent far longer in the Vortex than she actually thought. Even with a Time Lord's perfect time sense, the Vortex was difficult for inexperienced, younger Gallifreyans.
Inexperienced, younger Gallifreyans. Sarah's transformation was becoming more real to him the more he learned about her time away.
A brush of her fingers against a psi-point pulled him out of those thoughts and into the here and now. A growl escaped him and he settled hard on the bed, pulling her with him to straddle his lap. "What you do to me." He leaned close breathing in her scent, memorizing its subtleties. Fresh like an ocean breeze and he could almost pick up a hint of the red grass that filled the valley below Mount Perdition.
Sarah gasped, her skin pebbling as he grazed his lips along the crook of her neck and over her collarbone, just barely touching her skin. She threaded her fingers through his hair, her eyes drifting shut. The slow pace was maddening and yet, she didn't feel any need to rush him. His thoroughness in exploring her body, each second he spent, more erotic than anything she'd ever experienced before.
Instinctively, she understood this mating dance, almost knowing where his tongue or lips will land next, as though he's picking up from her where brings her the most pleasure. She couldn't help but wonder if she'd be able to do the same to him. She'd always known him well, but this was something more.
"Sarah," The Doctor laughed as Sarah pushed him over and took over the exploration. "I'm actually impressed. Never thought your patience would hold that long."
"Hush you," She growled playfully, before punctuating her statement by drawing her tongue against the flat plain of his stomach. It drew a gasp from him, followed by silence. Just as she knew it would.
Her exploration of him; his neck, fingers, his belly button-less stomach, his lean muscular legs; taught her as much about her new nature as it did about him. She learned every subtlety of textures on his skin, the differences in temperature, even how sensitive it would be, just from a simple brush of her fingers. His scent was a mix of heather, mint and electricity now, but as she concentrated she could still find faint whiffs of his former selves. Some unfamiliar, like leather, or the musty smell of old books. Some welcome and familiar, like the scent of a warm wool scarf and a good glass of wine.
She relished the sense of just knowing what pleased him most. From nuzzling at his shoulder, to drawing his fingers one by one into her mouth and teasing them with her tongue, to nipping at the top on one angular hip and peppering it with kisses. Sure in the knowledge that before she did it, that he'd reach for her hand and pull her up to be face to face with him once more.
"You're much better at this than I expected." The Doctor grinned playfully at her as he brushed a lock of hair from her face and drew his fingers against her temple once more.
"I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or an insult." She groused at him. "I bet I've a fair bit more…" He put his finger on her lips to silence her.
"Still older than you, missy." He ran his fingers down her neck, grinning as her eyes fluttered shut and the annoyed expression disappeared, replaced by a look of pleasure. Just as he knew it would.
When her eyes flew open, fixing on his once more, his grin grew. "Connection. You said this is about connection for Time Lords. It's more than just feeling what the other feels."
"The Rani must have missed the finer points of the Gallifreyan birds and bees talk, eh?"
He can't help but quip, even though it's obvious she wasn't paying attention, too caught up in her internal realization.
"So when it feels like I know what you want… What you need?" Sarah's eyes widened.
"It's because you really can." He gently caught her round the waist and turned them, so that she would be beneath him once more, but this time catching her lips to silence her questions. "Sometimes my Sarah Jane, experiencing is so much better than explaining."
Their fingers knit together as he pinned her hands above her head, their eyes locked together, as his body settled into the cradle of her legs. She lifted her hips and he slid forward, his length sheathing itself inside of her. As their bodies moved, it was a perfectly choreographed dance, graceful and beautiful. Knowing without thought how precisely to move to give the other pleasure.
Pleasure that amplified between the two of them, building and reflecting back and forth, increasing as they experienced what the other felt. The sensations heightened as he thrust into her and her body pulsed around him. Before, she'd felt trapped within his mind, now it was as though they were filling each other, bits of themselves filling every empty space within the other.
It seemed to Sarah that it was everything she ever hoped for with the Doctor, as they sank further and further into one another. Moving closer and closer to their release with each thrust, each time their bodies met, their minds and bodies ebbing and flowing together as they moved.
Even with a Time Lord's innate sense of time, it seemed as though time froze in the seconds where their pleasure peaked, their bodies unable to contain the sensations any longer. As though eternity passed in those seconds, a feeling of completion filling both of them in a way neither felt before.
It couldn't last, even as much as both wished it would.
Their minds began to slip away from one another as their bodies came down from their release, even though neither of them released the other from their embrace. Sarah rested her head against his chest, unwilling to break the spell they'd woven together by letting the reality that she'd been trying to escape back in.
She should have known it would have been his guilt that broke it, something that when she first met him would never have been an issue. As the final threads that were their connection slipped from her mind, echoes of his current thoughts made their way through. 'I should never have taken advantage of you like this, my Sarah Jane. I'm so, so sorry. I promise I won't be so selfish as to make you live like this. I will find a solution.'
Even as his hand stroked her hair, making her never want to leave his side, she closed her eyes as she resigned herself to what she must do.
Author: lilahkat
Characters: Sarah Jane Smith, 10th Doctor, Luke Smith, K-9, Clyde Langer, Brigadier Alistair Lethbridge Stewart, Captain Jack Harkness, Mickey Smith, Wilfred Mott,
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s): Sarah Jane / 10th Doctor
Word count: 3997
Disclaimer: The BBC owns the Universe.
Summary:After their disastrous Mind Bending contest, will Sarah Jane and the Doctor find each other once more or will it continue to spiral further apart.
Author's Notes: My thanks to Spydurwebb for another masterful beta.
When last we saw our heroes, Sarah Jane had managed to pilot her TARDIS to Bannerman Road, much to the shock of all the former companions and her children who were assembled discussing what action to take next. While the Doctor refused to believe Sarah Jane had perished, when all of their friends accepted that this new Time Lord was in fact Sarah transformed, the Doctor clung to his belief that she was in fact the Rani. In a desperate attempt to prove her true identity to him, Sarah challenges the Doctor to a mind bending contest and only too late does he accept this is his Sarah Jane.
With disastrous results...
"Goodbye, My Sarah Jane..."
Pulling himself from the floor where he'd crumpled, the Doctor moved to the unconscious Sarah Jane's side. A vague memory floated up. One of Sarah's. 'I think he's dying.' He heard her voice, worried about him right after his mind bending battle with Morbius.
"Not on my watch you don't," he muttered determinedly and repeatedly as his hands moved over her, checking her heart beats. "Come on Sarah. How many times did I scare you? That's what you're doing now, isn't it? Getting back at me by scaring me witless." His running commentary did nothing to soothe his nerves as she remained unresponsive - neither regenerating nor awakening. "Let's get you somewhere more comfortable, yeah?"
Picking up her tiny, seemingly frail form in his arms, he crept down the stairs towards her bedroom, praying to long forgotten Gallifreyan gods that something would wake her before he had to explain to Luke how he'd been so stubborn that he nearly killed the lad's mother. The only other Timelord in the universe. His Sarah Jane. Reverently, he laid her on the bed, her still body, pale skin and dark silken hair bringing to mind a fairy tale princess.
"A kiss from a prince, is it? Can't believe that's what you'd need to wake you. 'sides the fact that I'm hardly a prince. More a toad if you come to it." He kept up his one sided dialogue. "This isn't exactly how I pictured our first kiss, you know. Not that I did picture it much. Alright so that might be a lie." He rubbed the back of his neck, continuing to watch for any response from her. "You being unconscious and me panicking was definitely not how it was supposed to go. Alright, so my panicking might be a bit more realistic than, you know, what I imagined. You were definitely not supposed to be unconscious, though." It was a comparison he violently pushed aside when the realisation of how most fairy tales ended occurred to him.
"Sarah Jane Smith isn't a princess waiting to be rescued, is she now?" His hand ran through her hair and his thumb rested along her cheekbone. "You survived, on your own. And look at you, piloting a TARDIS home. You're alive. Anything else can be fixed. Where there's life, right, Sarah Jane?" The lack of response from Sarah ate at him, leaving him wondering if perhaps her earlier suggestion of giving her a 'push' might be the least of what he'd have to do.
A faint flutter like a butterfly's wing in his consciousness as another memory bubbled to the surface. 'All the cells of his body have been devastated by the Metebelis crystals, but you forget, he is a Time Lord. I will give the process a little push and the cells will regenerate. He will become a new man.' It took a moment before he realized that it was from the wrong point of view. He'd never witnessed this. Another of Sarah's memories.
Another flutter and his eyes widened. "Oh you amazing, clever girl." A broad grin crossed his face as he tapped his own temple. "You're in here aren't you?" He moved to the cheval glass perched in the corner, almost expecting to see Sarah Jane looking back at him even though he knew it was impossible. "All tangled up. Now, how do we get you back where you belong? Do I push you to regenerate?" A sharp pain hit behind his eyes. "Owww! Alright Sarah, message received. No need for that."
He could feel her rummaging about in his memories now. "Oy, rude." He mock complained. "Going to have to teach you manners about being telepathic along with reminding you about not crossing your own time line." He smiled slightly as he could sense her ignoring him while she looked for a memory to convey what she needed to. The next flutter wasn't a caress as his own memories rose unbidden. First, him kissing Grace back in his eighth body before the war, then Jack kissing his previous self, followed by him kissing Martha, then finally his previous self kissing Rose to take the Bad Wolf into himself. "Seriously, isn't that a bit cliché?"
Another mental stomp and a decidedly stomach churning sensation of disappointment communicated how Sarah felt about that. Something it took him a moment to decipher. "That's not what I meant at all. It's got nothing to do with whether I want to snog you or not. That's exactly the point - this isn't about want, it's about necessity."
A definite impression of disbelief floated up, followed by the same less than gentle fluttering as she seemed to be searching for something again. He couldn't stop wincing as she clumsily paged through his memories. He stepped away from the mirror and looked at her form still unmoving in the bed. He sat on the edge of the bed and held her upper arms. "Sarah. Sarah! SARAH STOP! What are you looking for?"
A flush of heat passed through him, along with several memories from Sarah's point of view of times when... The heat translated to a full blush. In a sudden flash of insight he knew what she wanted. "I really was very fond of you."
Again his stomach churned as the memories of the kisses with the others rose up again. "It wasn't you, Sarah. There was nothing wrong with you, it was me." He stood up and jammed his hands in his trouser pockets as he began to pace.
A shiver went through him as her presence went icy. "I'm not lying." It got colder still. "I'm not." He sighed. "Every regeneration is different." Flashes of the three different regenerations that had definitely been kissing his companions popped up. "I was much younger then." The cold front in his mind didn't move. "I'd become very fond of Jo." It somehow didn't surprise him that he could hear echoes of his third self in his voice. A continuous dull aching hurt from Sarah rose. "Alright, yes, I was more than fond. Then she left. Completely unaware of how I felt. I was just a bachelor uncle to her, Sarah. Then this other bright spark waltzes into my life. Just as young, just as beautiful. Even more attractive, because you were just as loyal, but oh so clever. I was a coward, Sarah Jane. It seemed impossible. Why would you have ever wanted me?"
Relief flooded him as he felt her soften, the cold receding some. "When I regenerated, I tried to prove myself right. Except I couldn't. Even Harry being with us didn't distract you from me. The longer you stayed, the more important you became to me. My best friend. I wanted you to be more than that, but how? I wasn't a human and you weren't Gallifreyan. I wasn't even certain how to start and if I did, I might have chased you away. I couldn't risk that. So instead, I kept you as close as I could without taking the risk."
The Doctor knew what her next question was before she even found a way to formulate it. "When the Time Lords called, it reminded me. They could be cruel, Sarah Jane. I remembered how I was exiled and what they did to Zoe and Jamie. I couldn't risk that with you and once you were gone all my fears grew. I couldn't come back. The best I could do was bring you K-9 and leave him for you."
There was a sense of expectation from her now. "I still don't like that we're doing this because we have to, Sarah." He crossed back to the bed and perched on the side of it. Contrary to what she thought, it was hardly a hardship to kiss Sarah Jane. Only the circumstances bothered him. Lowering himself down, he claimed her lips, a buzzing that grew in volume filling his ears, and an electrical charge filling the air, making the air he breathed into her mouth feel thick. The fluttering butterfly wing sensation seemed to carry the charge, as though it escaped him all at once.
The shock of her absence in his mind; had he truly become used to it so quickly; was followed by the welcome sensation of her lips moving against his and then he felt her reluctantly withdraw and gently push him away. "Sarah?" He asked apprehensively.
"We need to talk. Actually talk." Sarah pulled back out of temptation's way.
"Might have been reluctant at first," the Doctor pouted, "doesn't mean I want to stop."
"Only minutes ago I nearly died proving to you I wasn't the Rani." Sarah reminded him, "I really think we need to talk before we go further."
"I'm sorry. So sorry for that, Sarah." He looked up, meeting her eyes guiltily. "And we'll fix this. I promise you."
"Fix it?" Sarah frowned as the Rani's warning about the Doctor's self hatred surfaced. "How can you want to kiss me, but want to put back all the barriers that keep us apart? Even if you're freer with your kisses now, you still keep everyone away. All because there are no Gallifreyans left. Because humans grow old and die. Yet I'm a Gallifreyan now and you want to change me back." She stood and crossed to the mirror, gazing at herself and wondering what he saw. "Did it occur to you that I don't want to fix it? That perhaps I'd rather just carry on. Being Gallifreyan isn't something I would have chosen for myself, but now that I am. I don't want to spend my life looking for a way to go back."
The Doctor followed her with his eyes. "Sarah, you don't know what that will mean. Luke, Clyde, Rani. All your friends. All your family. They'll grow old. They'll wither and die. Are you willing to watch that?"
"Humans face death every day, Doctor. How many times have I seen it in my life? My parents, Andrea Yates, Harry, so many people and aliens along our travels? Even if I wasn't Gallifreyan, I'm already familiar with death. Anything could happen to anyone, anytime and I would have to watch. But at least neither of us would have to be alone anymore." She crossed back to him, holding his gaze.
"I'm not worth it, Sarah. You deserve more. So much more." As Wilf's words echoed in his mind the forlorn expression that crossed the Doctor's face was enough to break anyone's heart.
"You don't get to make those decisions for me, Doctor. I'll be the judge of what I deserve." Sarah's voice was low and insistent, willing him to understand and take off the blinders that stopped him from seeing anything but his own viewpoint.
"You don't understand. You can't." With his words, Sarah's hearts sank. As much as he disliked his own race, he hated himself. She hadn't wanted to believe the Rani but it seemed as though her insight into the Doctor wasn't as inaccurate as Sarah had believed. The seeds were there even in the beginning. A sudden sense of hopelessness rose up in her but before he could see her despair, she reached out, pulling him flush against her, her mouth meeting his, hot and demanding.
For a moment, the Doctor was frozen, shocked by her actions then he pulled back and held her gaze. "Slowly," he rumbled, "No need to rush." He brought his hands up and caressed her temples, knowing it was time to give away his younger self's secret. He felt the shiver pass through her as his fingertips grazed her skin, her pupils dilating. "I like how humans kiss, but this is how Gallifreyans kiss."
"You…" Sarah's voice was breathless. "You did kiss me."
"Told you I was a coward." A crooked grin graced his face, his eyes fluttered shut as she brought her fingers up, mimicking his gentle caress. The flush of arousal he expected, but it was the sizzle of a connection, like an electrical charge passing between them that took him by surprise. "Sarah."
A soft moan escaped her as she felt it as well, "What?" She looked questioningly into his eyes as they opened.
Their eyes held each other, as their fingers brushed each other's temples once more. This time their gasps were simultaneous. The Doctor's mind was whirling. It shouldn't have been possible, not without the ceremony to facilitate it. "I don't know. It's probably just a side effect of what happened with the mind bending."
"Not permanent then?" A shot of longing passed through her. As much as what she'd found out made her despair for him, she couldn't put aside the longing to be with him. For them to be a part of one another.
He turned his hand to brush his knuckles against the same points, causing them to both shudder. "At this point, I'll worry about that later."
Sarah could feel his desire through the connection even though his body didn't show any outward signs. She looked up at him questioningly. "Something the Rani didn't think to share, eh?" He smiled reassuringly. "Gallifreyans don't reproduce this way, so this…" He ran his fingers down her neck. "… Is more about connection for those who indulge."
Sarah chewed her lip; nervously, even as she leaned into his caress.
"Everything works the same way, Sarah, its just there's no rush, no urgency." He licked his lips then brushed them against her ear as he whispered. "Time Lords have all the time in the universe, so when we indulge, we're very, very thorough. Does that agree with you?"
A shiver ran up her spine as his breath caressed her ear. "I think I could be convinced." She pushed aside her doubts and worries for the moment to concentrate completely on him and the fulfillment of something she'd been waiting a lifetime for, regardless of what would come tomorrow. Focusing on him, she pulled him closer to the bed, her hands slipping beneath the layers of clothing, her slender fingers stroking over cool skin questing for other places that seemed to send electrical current through their connection.
His hands weren't idle as they explored beneath her clothing as well. The synchronicity of their movements ended when the Doctor began to divest her of her blouse. "Can't wait any longer to see you, my Sarah Jane."
A blush coated her skin and she was once again thankful for how she'd regenerated. "At least I don't look old anymore."
"You never looked old to me." He pushed away her blouse reverently, his fingers drawing patterns over the skin he exposed.
"Liar," Sarah quipped as she turned her attention to pulling away his tie and unbuttoning his shirt. A soft smile crossed her face at his shocked gasp as she traced endearments on his skin in old High Gallifreyan.
"Sarah?" His eyes were alight. "How long did it take for you learn High Gallifreyan?"
"Not as long as you'd think. Only a couple of years in the Vortex. The Rani used virtual learning techniques for a lot of things," Sarah admitted.
The Doctor nodded, well aware of the time distortion effect of the Vortex which when added to the general lack of need to sleep in their species which meant that she'd likely spent far longer in the Vortex than she actually thought. Even with a Time Lord's perfect time sense, the Vortex was difficult for inexperienced, younger Gallifreyans.
Inexperienced, younger Gallifreyans. Sarah's transformation was becoming more real to him the more he learned about her time away.
A brush of her fingers against a psi-point pulled him out of those thoughts and into the here and now. A growl escaped him and he settled hard on the bed, pulling her with him to straddle his lap. "What you do to me." He leaned close breathing in her scent, memorizing its subtleties. Fresh like an ocean breeze and he could almost pick up a hint of the red grass that filled the valley below Mount Perdition.
Sarah gasped, her skin pebbling as he grazed his lips along the crook of her neck and over her collarbone, just barely touching her skin. She threaded her fingers through his hair, her eyes drifting shut. The slow pace was maddening and yet, she didn't feel any need to rush him. His thoroughness in exploring her body, each second he spent, more erotic than anything she'd ever experienced before.
Instinctively, she understood this mating dance, almost knowing where his tongue or lips will land next, as though he's picking up from her where brings her the most pleasure. She couldn't help but wonder if she'd be able to do the same to him. She'd always known him well, but this was something more.
"Sarah," The Doctor laughed as Sarah pushed him over and took over the exploration. "I'm actually impressed. Never thought your patience would hold that long."
"Hush you," She growled playfully, before punctuating her statement by drawing her tongue against the flat plain of his stomach. It drew a gasp from him, followed by silence. Just as she knew it would.
Her exploration of him; his neck, fingers, his belly button-less stomach, his lean muscular legs; taught her as much about her new nature as it did about him. She learned every subtlety of textures on his skin, the differences in temperature, even how sensitive it would be, just from a simple brush of her fingers. His scent was a mix of heather, mint and electricity now, but as she concentrated she could still find faint whiffs of his former selves. Some unfamiliar, like leather, or the musty smell of old books. Some welcome and familiar, like the scent of a warm wool scarf and a good glass of wine.
She relished the sense of just knowing what pleased him most. From nuzzling at his shoulder, to drawing his fingers one by one into her mouth and teasing them with her tongue, to nipping at the top on one angular hip and peppering it with kisses. Sure in the knowledge that before she did it, that he'd reach for her hand and pull her up to be face to face with him once more.
"You're much better at this than I expected." The Doctor grinned playfully at her as he brushed a lock of hair from her face and drew his fingers against her temple once more.
"I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or an insult." She groused at him. "I bet I've a fair bit more…" He put his finger on her lips to silence her.
"Still older than you, missy." He ran his fingers down her neck, grinning as her eyes fluttered shut and the annoyed expression disappeared, replaced by a look of pleasure. Just as he knew it would.
When her eyes flew open, fixing on his once more, his grin grew. "Connection. You said this is about connection for Time Lords. It's more than just feeling what the other feels."
"The Rani must have missed the finer points of the Gallifreyan birds and bees talk, eh?"
He can't help but quip, even though it's obvious she wasn't paying attention, too caught up in her internal realization.
"So when it feels like I know what you want… What you need?" Sarah's eyes widened.
"It's because you really can." He gently caught her round the waist and turned them, so that she would be beneath him once more, but this time catching her lips to silence her questions. "Sometimes my Sarah Jane, experiencing is so much better than explaining."
Their fingers knit together as he pinned her hands above her head, their eyes locked together, as his body settled into the cradle of her legs. She lifted her hips and he slid forward, his length sheathing itself inside of her. As their bodies moved, it was a perfectly choreographed dance, graceful and beautiful. Knowing without thought how precisely to move to give the other pleasure.
Pleasure that amplified between the two of them, building and reflecting back and forth, increasing as they experienced what the other felt. The sensations heightened as he thrust into her and her body pulsed around him. Before, she'd felt trapped within his mind, now it was as though they were filling each other, bits of themselves filling every empty space within the other.
It seemed to Sarah that it was everything she ever hoped for with the Doctor, as they sank further and further into one another. Moving closer and closer to their release with each thrust, each time their bodies met, their minds and bodies ebbing and flowing together as they moved.
Even with a Time Lord's innate sense of time, it seemed as though time froze in the seconds where their pleasure peaked, their bodies unable to contain the sensations any longer. As though eternity passed in those seconds, a feeling of completion filling both of them in a way neither felt before.
It couldn't last, even as much as both wished it would.
Their minds began to slip away from one another as their bodies came down from their release, even though neither of them released the other from their embrace. Sarah rested her head against his chest, unwilling to break the spell they'd woven together by letting the reality that she'd been trying to escape back in.
She should have known it would have been his guilt that broke it, something that when she first met him would never have been an issue. As the final threads that were their connection slipped from her mind, echoes of his current thoughts made their way through. 'I should never have taken advantage of you like this, my Sarah Jane. I'm so, so sorry. I promise I won't be so selfish as to make you live like this. I will find a solution.'
Even as his hand stroked her hair, making her never want to leave his side, she closed her eyes as she resigned herself to what she must do.