sj fic: A Change for Sarah Jane Smith - A Trip Down Memory Lane 7/9
Title: A Change for Sarah Jane Smith - A Trip Down Memory Lane 7/9
Author: lilahkat
Characters: Sarah Jane Smith, 10th Doctor, Luke Smith, K-9, Clyde Langer, Brigadier Alistair Lethbridge Stewart, Captain Jack Harkness, Mickey Smith, Wilfred Mott,
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s): Sarah Jane / 10th Doctor
Word count: 2035
Disclaimer: The BBC owns the Universe.
Summary: In a desperate attempt to prove her identity to the Doctor, Sarah Jane engages him in a contest that could very well cost her her life.
Author's Notes: My thanks to Spydurwebb for another masterful beta. To KirstyJay for her help with getting the quotes from the Big Finish Audio Stories. And finally, my beloved Emily who helped me work through exactly how to do this crazy mindbending contest.
"Mind bending contest?" A snort escaped the Doctor. "I somehow doubt that Sarah Jane has the proper equipment in her attic. No matter how many gadgets she collected."
Taking a deep breath, Sarah pushed back her ire. "No, but I have no doubt you have something squirreled away on the TARDIS."
"So that's what this is about, is it?" The Doctor turned and loomed over her, exuding the threatening posture that he'd gotten so used to using since the war. "You need to get into my TARDIS somehow."
"So much for you being a gentleman." Sarah arched her brow at him as she spoke, looking up into his face impassively, not letting her pain at his doubt show. "I'd offer to look in my TARDIS but then you'd accuse me of wanting to kidnap you. So instead, I'll wait right here until you bring whatever you need out here." She gestured to the TARDIS.
The Doctor pursed his lips. "Mr. Smith, contain her," he pronounced before heading to the door of the TARDIS.
Instantly the containment field enveloped Sarah Jane. "Oh that…" Her fists clenched but she knew kicking up a fuss wouldn't help. Instead she fumed silently.
"If you are Sarah Jane, I apologize for this," Mr. Smith said, his voice sounding almost hopeful.
"It's alright, Mr. Smith. I suppose I can understand it really." She smiled slightly. "You missed me, didn't you?"
"It has yet to be conclusively proven that you are, Sarah Jane Smith. However, if you are, I will be relieved at your return." There was a pregnant pause. "The Time Lord perhaps was somewhat irrational."
"That's putting it mildly, but so much like him." Sarah looked at the familiar monitor with a smile. "That knowledge is the only thing that will keep me from kicking his arse for the next century or two."
At that moment, the doors of the TARDIS opened and the Doctor pushed out a piece of equipment Sarah remembered from Karn. Instead of the nervousness she'd expected to feel, nothing but grim determination remained. She'd prove who she was, even if it killed her in the process. The Doctor wheeled the apparatus to the midpoint between her and the TARDIS.
"Let her go, Mr. Smith." The Doctor pulled off his suit jacket and tie.
The containment field dropped and Sarah stepped forward, wondering if she'd even be able to defend herself. Ushas had given her rudimentary training for her telepathic abilities, but given the Doctor had defeated Morbius, all she hoped for was to defend herself long enough for him to discern the truth.
She must have paused long enough for the Doctor to notice, because now he had a slightly smug look on his face as he finished rolling up his sleeves. "Second thoughts? You don't have to do this, Ushas. You just need to tell me where Sarah is so I can bring her back here. I don't want to hurt you. We're the last two Time Lords left."
A frown crossed Sarah's face, wondering how far the Doctor would take that if she were Ushas and not herself. Still true to what she discovered was the norm for Gallifreyan emotions, there wasn't any of the jealousy that she'd once felt towards Rose, now it was just an icy chill that flowed through her. It added a rather cold glint to her gaze as she looked at him. "I don't think you're prepared for that yet, Doctor."
"Your choice, Rani." He took his position at the apparatus. "Don't make me kill you, please."
"Not in my plan to die today." She took a deep breath and stepped up, putting her hands onto the grips and locking her gaze with his.
"Mine neither." The Doctor held her gaze, then nodded and leaned forward into the contact interfaces. "Last chance, Rani."
Memories of her second version of him, lying in her arms dying, if it hadn't been for the act of kindness of the Sisterhood flooded into her mind. She briefly wondered about her own sanity as she leaned into the contact interface in front of her. "En garde, Doctor."
If the familiar words rattled the Doctor at all, he didn't show it, his fingers flicking out to hit the switch and activate the apparatus. It was as though he'd flicked a switch in her brain as well, a sort of mental kicking the door in that had her grinding her teeth as she felt him begin to rifle through her memories. Her life. Her very existence.
"I don't know how you managed this Rani, but I know it's false," the Doctor snarled as he ripped into the memories presented to him.
A flash echoed through her. 'Personality of an old mule.' It wasn't the first time the Doctor had touched her mind, but it was the first time that he'd treated her like an enemy. The pain gave her something to focus on, to stop herself from losing herself under the weight of his mind.
Another flash. Ushas looking at her coldly. 'If you survive, of course. Right now your very genetic code is being mutated to Gallifreyan. You are dying, of course, there is no possible way you can survive that.'
"This isn't real." It was like an echo, hearing the Doctor's physical voice and his mental one at the same time.
'Don't forget me, Sarah-Jane.'<
'No one's ever going to forget you, Doctor.'
"Sarah Jane would feel more. She loved Peter. Asking him to die was one of the hardest things she ever had to do." The Doctor lashed out at her, not understanding or realising how much had changed.
"I don't understand it either, Doctor." She shot back. "It doesn't feel like my own life. I don't feel the love that I think I did for Peter. I feel guilt that the Trickster pulled him into that farce because of me, and anger towards the Trickster. But the sorrow, and that love, it's a faded memory, like it was part of someone else's life."
The echoes in his own memories drew her into his mind like a magnet. Instead of using words to prove who she was, like a missile, she targeted the memories they shared.
'Say it, please. This time. Say it.'
'Yes, some things are worth getting your heart broken for.'
'No. I can't do this anymore.'
"Catch me if you can, Doctor." She focused her now stronger intellect and darted into the labyrinth of his memories. Akin to running down the corridors in which they'd run for their lives, only this time the Doctor chased her as she pulled open the memories to rush into their consciousness. The consciousness they now shared. She pushed through as the pain continued, as she felt herself weaken - having much less life to fight against him with.
'No. The universe has to move forward. Pain and loss, they define us as much as happiness or love. Whether it's a world, or a relationship. Everything has its time. And everything ends.'
'I thought you died. I waited for you and you didn't come back and I thought you must have died!'
'I can't believe it's you.' A scream. 'Okay, now I can.'
"If you're truly Sarah Jane, to win is to lose." While the memories were impressive, the Doctor still didn't believe anything he saw.
"Quoting Rassilon, Doctor." Sarah grimaced in pain. "I'm well aware that I have far fewer years for you to go through than you have for me. Did it occur to you I might not be playing to win?" She took a deep breath as she felt him press into the years without him. The years where loneliness had been her primary companion.
'Harry and I came here every year for dinner to catch up and talk about old times. I still come here every year hoping he'll turn up all bluff and bluster wearing his favorite blazer.'
'Mint tea for me, oh and Nat will have hot chocolate, two of them if you want to get on her good side.'
'Now I know you're imagining things.'
'Oh Brendan, stop honking!'
No way to stop the flow of memories now. The point of no return long since passed as though they both were tumbling down that hill in the Death Zone. Unable to stop the memories as they came unbidden to both their minds. Intertwining. Sharing. Merging.
'Don't forget me.'
'Oh, Sarah. Don't you forget me.'
'Bye, Doctor. You know, travel does broaden the mind.'
'Yes. Till we meet again, Sarah'
'We're talking about the Daleks, the most evil creatures ever invented. You must destroy them. You must complete your mission for the Time Lords.'
'He talks to himself sometimes because he's the only one who understands what he's talking about.'
The Doctor realised that it wasn't possible that the Rani could have done this, been this complete. Not with how their minds were linked now. He hadn't wanted to believe and yet, there was no denying it. "Sarah," he whispered, "my Sarah Jane." His gaze met hers through the apparatus.
Tears ran down her face, his recognition no relief for the pain. "Hello Doctor."
"We have to stop." The Doctor gritted his teeth and closed his eyes, trying to pull his mind from hers. A cry of pain came from his lips as extricating his mind hurt as much as twisting a knife.
A sharp cry from Sarah made it obvious they were still linked, in spite of his best efforts. "Knew this was a bad idea." The look on her face told him her thoughts.
"No. No. NO." The Doctor gritted his teeth. "You are not going to die, Sarah Jane Smith."
"No. I shouldn't. Maybe I'll regenerate." Sarah winced, even as the gallows humour escaped her lips. "If I get stuck, think you can give me a push?"
"You won't need that, not on my watch." The Doctor knew he would never forgive himself if he let her die.
Another set of memories drug them under again.
'Please, don't die.'
'A tear, Sarah Jane? No, don't cry. While there's life there's'
'No!'
'Now just a minute. There's nothing "only" about being a girl, Your Majesty.'
'If you think I'm going to spend my time making cups of coffee for you...'
Terror shot through the Doctor as he realised no matter how he tried he couldn't prevent the rapid descent towards the beginning of Sarah's life. The end of the road for her and possibly both of them in this contest just because of his stubborn refusal to believe in her. He had driven them to this. He could only look into her eyes filled with grim understanding and acceptance as no amount of mental acrobatics seemed to be able to pull them back from the brink that rapidly approached.
'Andrea, grab my hand. Grab my hand. Grab my hand, Andrea.'
'Remember me.'
'NO!'
Lightning flashed. A clown marionette appeared to turn towards the bed. Its painted face more menacing to the young Sarah Jane as any other creature she'd met since.
Sarah's screams chilled the Doctor to his core even reliving them through her memories. He pulled their linked consciousness further into himself in a vane effort to protect her from the terror that she no longer felt.
'Sarah Jane's going to have a better life.'
'She's the best little girl in the world. We'll always be there for you darling.'
"Remind me to have a word with you about crossing over your own time stream." The Doctor refused to acknowledge any other outcome, even as he knew exactly what this oddly double perspective memory of Sarah's parents meant - one where she understood their words and the other where she only knew the contentment and safety that the two faces above her represented.
"I look forward…" Sarah's weakened voice and her white-knuckle grip on the mind bending apparatus left no doubt that she continued only through sheer will power alone. He felt rather than saw her crumple to the floor as he was drawn back into another memory. One he'd already seen before.
'Say it, please. This time. Say it.'
'Goodbye. My Sarah Jane.'
Author: lilahkat
Characters: Sarah Jane Smith, 10th Doctor, Luke Smith, K-9, Clyde Langer, Brigadier Alistair Lethbridge Stewart, Captain Jack Harkness, Mickey Smith, Wilfred Mott,
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s): Sarah Jane / 10th Doctor
Word count: 2035
Disclaimer: The BBC owns the Universe.
Summary: In a desperate attempt to prove her identity to the Doctor, Sarah Jane engages him in a contest that could very well cost her her life.
Author's Notes: My thanks to Spydurwebb for another masterful beta. To KirstyJay for her help with getting the quotes from the Big Finish Audio Stories. And finally, my beloved Emily who helped me work through exactly how to do this crazy mindbending contest.
"Mind bending contest?" A snort escaped the Doctor. "I somehow doubt that Sarah Jane has the proper equipment in her attic. No matter how many gadgets she collected."
Taking a deep breath, Sarah pushed back her ire. "No, but I have no doubt you have something squirreled away on the TARDIS."
"So that's what this is about, is it?" The Doctor turned and loomed over her, exuding the threatening posture that he'd gotten so used to using since the war. "You need to get into my TARDIS somehow."
"So much for you being a gentleman." Sarah arched her brow at him as she spoke, looking up into his face impassively, not letting her pain at his doubt show. "I'd offer to look in my TARDIS but then you'd accuse me of wanting to kidnap you. So instead, I'll wait right here until you bring whatever you need out here." She gestured to the TARDIS.
The Doctor pursed his lips. "Mr. Smith, contain her," he pronounced before heading to the door of the TARDIS.
Instantly the containment field enveloped Sarah Jane. "Oh that…" Her fists clenched but she knew kicking up a fuss wouldn't help. Instead she fumed silently.
"If you are Sarah Jane, I apologize for this," Mr. Smith said, his voice sounding almost hopeful.
"It's alright, Mr. Smith. I suppose I can understand it really." She smiled slightly. "You missed me, didn't you?"
"It has yet to be conclusively proven that you are, Sarah Jane Smith. However, if you are, I will be relieved at your return." There was a pregnant pause. "The Time Lord perhaps was somewhat irrational."
"That's putting it mildly, but so much like him." Sarah looked at the familiar monitor with a smile. "That knowledge is the only thing that will keep me from kicking his arse for the next century or two."
At that moment, the doors of the TARDIS opened and the Doctor pushed out a piece of equipment Sarah remembered from Karn. Instead of the nervousness she'd expected to feel, nothing but grim determination remained. She'd prove who she was, even if it killed her in the process. The Doctor wheeled the apparatus to the midpoint between her and the TARDIS.
"Let her go, Mr. Smith." The Doctor pulled off his suit jacket and tie.
The containment field dropped and Sarah stepped forward, wondering if she'd even be able to defend herself. Ushas had given her rudimentary training for her telepathic abilities, but given the Doctor had defeated Morbius, all she hoped for was to defend herself long enough for him to discern the truth.
She must have paused long enough for the Doctor to notice, because now he had a slightly smug look on his face as he finished rolling up his sleeves. "Second thoughts? You don't have to do this, Ushas. You just need to tell me where Sarah is so I can bring her back here. I don't want to hurt you. We're the last two Time Lords left."
A frown crossed Sarah's face, wondering how far the Doctor would take that if she were Ushas and not herself. Still true to what she discovered was the norm for Gallifreyan emotions, there wasn't any of the jealousy that she'd once felt towards Rose, now it was just an icy chill that flowed through her. It added a rather cold glint to her gaze as she looked at him. "I don't think you're prepared for that yet, Doctor."
"Your choice, Rani." He took his position at the apparatus. "Don't make me kill you, please."
"Not in my plan to die today." She took a deep breath and stepped up, putting her hands onto the grips and locking her gaze with his.
"Mine neither." The Doctor held her gaze, then nodded and leaned forward into the contact interfaces. "Last chance, Rani."
Memories of her second version of him, lying in her arms dying, if it hadn't been for the act of kindness of the Sisterhood flooded into her mind. She briefly wondered about her own sanity as she leaned into the contact interface in front of her. "En garde, Doctor."
If the familiar words rattled the Doctor at all, he didn't show it, his fingers flicking out to hit the switch and activate the apparatus. It was as though he'd flicked a switch in her brain as well, a sort of mental kicking the door in that had her grinding her teeth as she felt him begin to rifle through her memories. Her life. Her very existence.
"I don't know how you managed this Rani, but I know it's false," the Doctor snarled as he ripped into the memories presented to him.
A flash echoed through her. 'Personality of an old mule.' It wasn't the first time the Doctor had touched her mind, but it was the first time that he'd treated her like an enemy. The pain gave her something to focus on, to stop herself from losing herself under the weight of his mind.
Another flash. Ushas looking at her coldly. 'If you survive, of course. Right now your very genetic code is being mutated to Gallifreyan. You are dying, of course, there is no possible way you can survive that.'
"This isn't real." It was like an echo, hearing the Doctor's physical voice and his mental one at the same time.
'Don't forget me, Sarah-Jane.'<
'No one's ever going to forget you, Doctor.'
"Sarah Jane would feel more. She loved Peter. Asking him to die was one of the hardest things she ever had to do." The Doctor lashed out at her, not understanding or realising how much had changed.
"I don't understand it either, Doctor." She shot back. "It doesn't feel like my own life. I don't feel the love that I think I did for Peter. I feel guilt that the Trickster pulled him into that farce because of me, and anger towards the Trickster. But the sorrow, and that love, it's a faded memory, like it was part of someone else's life."
The echoes in his own memories drew her into his mind like a magnet. Instead of using words to prove who she was, like a missile, she targeted the memories they shared.
'Say it, please. This time. Say it.'
'Yes, some things are worth getting your heart broken for.'
'No. I can't do this anymore.'
"Catch me if you can, Doctor." She focused her now stronger intellect and darted into the labyrinth of his memories. Akin to running down the corridors in which they'd run for their lives, only this time the Doctor chased her as she pulled open the memories to rush into their consciousness. The consciousness they now shared. She pushed through as the pain continued, as she felt herself weaken - having much less life to fight against him with.
'No. The universe has to move forward. Pain and loss, they define us as much as happiness or love. Whether it's a world, or a relationship. Everything has its time. And everything ends.'
'I thought you died. I waited for you and you didn't come back and I thought you must have died!'
'I can't believe it's you.' A scream. 'Okay, now I can.'
"If you're truly Sarah Jane, to win is to lose." While the memories were impressive, the Doctor still didn't believe anything he saw.
"Quoting Rassilon, Doctor." Sarah grimaced in pain. "I'm well aware that I have far fewer years for you to go through than you have for me. Did it occur to you I might not be playing to win?" She took a deep breath as she felt him press into the years without him. The years where loneliness had been her primary companion.
'Harry and I came here every year for dinner to catch up and talk about old times. I still come here every year hoping he'll turn up all bluff and bluster wearing his favorite blazer.'
'Mint tea for me, oh and Nat will have hot chocolate, two of them if you want to get on her good side.'
'Now I know you're imagining things.'
'Oh Brendan, stop honking!'
No way to stop the flow of memories now. The point of no return long since passed as though they both were tumbling down that hill in the Death Zone. Unable to stop the memories as they came unbidden to both their minds. Intertwining. Sharing. Merging.
'Don't forget me.'
'Oh, Sarah. Don't you forget me.'
'Bye, Doctor. You know, travel does broaden the mind.'
'Yes. Till we meet again, Sarah'
'We're talking about the Daleks, the most evil creatures ever invented. You must destroy them. You must complete your mission for the Time Lords.'
'He talks to himself sometimes because he's the only one who understands what he's talking about.'
The Doctor realised that it wasn't possible that the Rani could have done this, been this complete. Not with how their minds were linked now. He hadn't wanted to believe and yet, there was no denying it. "Sarah," he whispered, "my Sarah Jane." His gaze met hers through the apparatus.
Tears ran down her face, his recognition no relief for the pain. "Hello Doctor."
"We have to stop." The Doctor gritted his teeth and closed his eyes, trying to pull his mind from hers. A cry of pain came from his lips as extricating his mind hurt as much as twisting a knife.
A sharp cry from Sarah made it obvious they were still linked, in spite of his best efforts. "Knew this was a bad idea." The look on her face told him her thoughts.
"No. No. NO." The Doctor gritted his teeth. "You are not going to die, Sarah Jane Smith."
"No. I shouldn't. Maybe I'll regenerate." Sarah winced, even as the gallows humour escaped her lips. "If I get stuck, think you can give me a push?"
"You won't need that, not on my watch." The Doctor knew he would never forgive himself if he let her die.
Another set of memories drug them under again.
'Please, don't die.'
'A tear, Sarah Jane? No, don't cry. While there's life there's'
'No!'
'Now just a minute. There's nothing "only" about being a girl, Your Majesty.'
'If you think I'm going to spend my time making cups of coffee for you...'
Terror shot through the Doctor as he realised no matter how he tried he couldn't prevent the rapid descent towards the beginning of Sarah's life. The end of the road for her and possibly both of them in this contest just because of his stubborn refusal to believe in her. He had driven them to this. He could only look into her eyes filled with grim understanding and acceptance as no amount of mental acrobatics seemed to be able to pull them back from the brink that rapidly approached.
'Andrea, grab my hand. Grab my hand. Grab my hand, Andrea.'
'Remember me.'
'NO!'
Lightning flashed. A clown marionette appeared to turn towards the bed. Its painted face more menacing to the young Sarah Jane as any other creature she'd met since.
Sarah's screams chilled the Doctor to his core even reliving them through her memories. He pulled their linked consciousness further into himself in a vane effort to protect her from the terror that she no longer felt.
'Sarah Jane's going to have a better life.'
'She's the best little girl in the world. We'll always be there for you darling.'
"Remind me to have a word with you about crossing over your own time stream." The Doctor refused to acknowledge any other outcome, even as he knew exactly what this oddly double perspective memory of Sarah's parents meant - one where she understood their words and the other where she only knew the contentment and safety that the two faces above her represented.
"I look forward…" Sarah's weakened voice and her white-knuckle grip on the mind bending apparatus left no doubt that she continued only through sheer will power alone. He felt rather than saw her crumple to the floor as he was drawn back into another memory. One he'd already seen before.
'Say it, please. This time. Say it.'
'Goodbye. My Sarah Jane.'