SJ Fic: Life As It Happens Chapter 2 - A Trial Of Memory in Fire
Disclaimer: It all belongs to the Beeb.
I don't know how many of you were waiting for it, but here we go again. The return of Sarah Jane and Handy... Oliver he's reminding me. Carrying on with their life and how they manage it with everything that happens on Bannerman Road.
Summary: The encounter with the alien book may have settled some things for Oliver, but has left old wounds gaping.
Rating: PG
A sharp cry that echoed through the house had Sarah bolting from her bed, pulling her dressing gown around her, only to run into Luke in the hallway. "Mum, something's the matter with Dad!"
Luke calling Oliver 'dad' gave her pause as she was unused to it, but she laid her hands on his shoulders to stop him from rushing in. "It's alright, Luke. Well not alright but," she sighed wearily, "Since we had that run in with the alien book he's been reacting this way."
"Why?" Luke looked at the door that stood between him and the man he considered his father.
"I'm not sure," Sarah admitted softly, "but I have my suspicions." She squeezed his shoulders then pulled him to her. "You need to leave early in the morning." She kissed his forehead. "Back to bed, Luke. I'll talk to," there was a pause as she decided what to say, "your dad. We'll get this sorted."
In the privacy of their home, Luke still enjoyed a hug from his mum and leaned into her for a moment, before disappearing behind his door once more with only a look back at Oliver's door to show his reluctance. Taking a deep breath, Sarah Jane moved to Oliver's door and pushed it open. The covers wound around Oliver like a great serpent he wrestled with as he tossed and turned restlessly.
Moving to the side of his bed, she settled on the edge then laid her hand on his back. "Oliver?"
"No! You can't! Don't hurt her!" Oliver cried out. "Don't tell," he whimpered.
"Oliver," Sarah rubbed between his shoulders comfortingly. "It's me. It's Sarah Jane. You need to wake up."
"Wha?" His eyes opened and he looked up at her blearily. "What?"
"You were calling out again," she understated the case, "You woke me."
"Oh, I'm sorry, Sarah." Oliver struggled up to his elbows so he could look at her.
"Not just me, Luke too." She added, hoping that this last bit of information would be the leverage she needed to convince him to talk.
"Damn," he slammed his fist into the bed. "Damn it."
"I think it's time we talk." Sarah reached up and cupped his cheek. "Or rather, you talk."
Silence reigned for several minutes before Oliver's head dropped. "You're going to hate me."
"Do you think that little of me? Of us? Of what's developed between us?" Sarah asked bluntly, trying to shock him out of his funk.
"NO! No, of course not." Oliver looked up at her with a scowl. "I just," his words trailed off. "You don't know what I did."
"You. The Doctor. You did what was necessary. You were fighting the Daleks. I can only imagine what the Time Lords had to do," she paused. "The worst you will hear from me, I'm fairly certain, is I told you so."
Oliver let a little laugh escape him at that. "Yeah, if that's the worst of it I'll be doing well." He looked at her, pain reflected in his eyes. "If you're so sure that you're not going to hate me, why do you want to hear it?"
"Because you need me to hear it or you won't believe that I don't hate you. That I couldn't hate you." Sarah took his hands and her own and looked down at the bed. "Please Oliver; I can't bear seeing you like this any longer." A tear streaked her face. "Can't you please trust me and talk to me?"
There was silence for another long moment, time stretching out like an eternity. "I was in my eighth regeneration when I was recalled to Gallifrey. It shouldn't have been that bad. I mean they're Daleks. Basically big metal cockroaches. Not easy to get rid of permanently, but I'd beaten them back before," he shook his head. "They kept changing things. Always were one step ahead of us. Any race that could be an ally to us they burned. Any race we thought might side with them even out of fear or if they'd be forced - well we'd change things wouldn't we. Made certain that they'd never be in the position to help," he breathed out slowly. "We insured that some races never even evolved, just because they might have given a strategic advantage to the Daleks."
He looked up at Sarah Jane, his eyes haunted. "I did that, Sarah. I made certain that entire races fell. There were so many. So many that we stood aside and watched fall because they weren't important enough to save. Earth. Trion. Some planets, planets where my past rested on their shoulders - they had to survive," his eyes closed.
"Yes, I…" Sarah paused. "I think we ran into a survivor of one of those races last year. Eve. Her race could see the time lines. How they shifted."
Oliver nodded. "Could have been us or the Daleks that razed their planet, Sarah," he held her gaze. "I don't even know which. Couldn't tell you, which is ironic really since I did most of the razing. I was their greatest warrior wasn't I? The oncoming storm. When I arrived people feared for their lives as much as they were relieved." He curled himself around his knees and started a bit when Sarah's hand came to rest between his shoulders, "I used to have so much mercy - but all that was gone. Gone in the face of a war I caused."
"You caused?" Sarah stopped but didn't look away from him. "What do you mean you caused?"
"Well it was wasn't it?" Oliver scowled certain that everything he had built here was torn to shreds. "I'm the one who never listened to you. You told me to destroy the Daleks. If I had, if I had stopped it when they started then the Time War would never have happened. I didn't think I had the right."
Sarah's eyes widened. "That's why you did what you did on the Crucible. You killed them. All of them."
"To stop it happening again." Oliver nodded.
"Why didn't the Doctor?" Sarah frowned, trying to work it out in her head.
"He said Rose had fixed him." Oliver shrugged and breathed out, his gaze falling to the bed once more, one hand pulling from Sarah's and twisting the spread between his fingers nervously. "All high minded and beyond all that again. He couldn't see the mistake he made. Some races. Some people just aren't redeemable." He didn't move as he continued to speak, "Left to survive, the Daleks would have continued trying to do what they'd done. The universe at risk. It wasn't worth all those high minded ideals."
He knew Sarah was more like the Doctor now than she had been before. So he was certain that this was it. The point at which everything would collapse under its own weight, where he'd be asked pointedly to leave. So he'd never expected the next words that Sarah Jane spoke.
"You're right," she said softly. "There was nothing to redeem in the Daleks. Certainly nothing when they were created or at the end on the Crucible." She saw his gaze come up slowly to meet hers. "Their only purpose was to destroy and time and again that is what they did. Whether they came from our universe or another," she licked her lips and reclaimed the hand that pulled at the spread. "What happened in the Time War, what the Time Lords made you do - doing their dirty work. It wasn't right. It wasn't fair. No one individual should have been made to feel that they were responsible for all of that."
"I killed them." The statement was simple. Matter of fact even. It drew Sarah Jane up short.
"You killed who?" Sarah asked
"Remember when I told you they died. That all the Time Lords had died." Oliver's voice was nearly a monotone.
"Yes," Sarah's heart sped up, not knowing if she wanted to hear this.
"I killed them. It was me." Oliver pronounced like a judge announcing a death sentence.
For the first time in hearing this, Sarah's faith was shaken. Still she wasn't about to give up. Giving up on Oliver or, for that matter, the Doctor since this confession belonged to him as much as to his clone. "Surely not."
"Oh it was." Oliver didn't see where there was any redemption for him. "It was the final paradigm. As evil as Davros' Crucible." Silence echoed through the room for a moment. "Rassilon wanted to use his 'Ultimate Sanction'. It would have destroyed all life and time. Everything. Instead I locked Gallifrey, Skaro, the Time Lords and the Daleks in a moment. The moment. Forever burning. Leela. Romana. My granddaughter, Susan. Even my mother." His eyes closed again. "Burning."
The horror of the choice he'd been left to make weighed on her. To save the universe but to condemn his people. Friends. Family. She couldn't imagine making that choice. Tears streamed down her face as she cried for him. Nothing ever seemed to be fair for the Doctor. He never seemed to catch a break. She couldn't help her oldest, dearest friend.
Oliver. Oliver she could help. Moving closer to him, she settled her hands on his shoulders. "I understand," the tears didn't stop running down her face and as his gaze met hers, the gates opened up for his own flood of tears. "It wasn't your fault. You made the only choice left to you." She said in a shaky voice.
Sarah pulled him close to her, both their bodies shaking as they grieved for everyone and everything that had been lost. They stayed there, wrapped around one another, clinging to one another in desperation. Slowly Oliver pulled away. "I think," he took a deep breath and gathered himself, "I think I'll be okay."
"I know you will be," Sarah smiled at him softly. "Not right away, but you will be alright." She stood slowly and looked towards the door, then held her hand out to him. "I think though, I would much rather not sleep alone."
Oliver's gaze came up, expecting to see pity in her eyes and cursing himself for looking. Instead, all that he saw was Sarah's smile and her eyes full of love. Love for him. "Please, Oliver." She stretched out her fingers, "I've been alone in that bed far long enough, don't you think?"
Oliver couldn't find any words that would do what he felt justice, so he simply stood, let her wrap her small hand around his and draw him out the door towards her room.
I don't know how many of you were waiting for it, but here we go again. The return of Sarah Jane and Handy... Oliver he's reminding me. Carrying on with their life and how they manage it with everything that happens on Bannerman Road.
Summary: The encounter with the alien book may have settled some things for Oliver, but has left old wounds gaping.
Rating: PG
A sharp cry that echoed through the house had Sarah bolting from her bed, pulling her dressing gown around her, only to run into Luke in the hallway. "Mum, something's the matter with Dad!"
Luke calling Oliver 'dad' gave her pause as she was unused to it, but she laid her hands on his shoulders to stop him from rushing in. "It's alright, Luke. Well not alright but," she sighed wearily, "Since we had that run in with the alien book he's been reacting this way."
"Why?" Luke looked at the door that stood between him and the man he considered his father.
"I'm not sure," Sarah admitted softly, "but I have my suspicions." She squeezed his shoulders then pulled him to her. "You need to leave early in the morning." She kissed his forehead. "Back to bed, Luke. I'll talk to," there was a pause as she decided what to say, "your dad. We'll get this sorted."
In the privacy of their home, Luke still enjoyed a hug from his mum and leaned into her for a moment, before disappearing behind his door once more with only a look back at Oliver's door to show his reluctance. Taking a deep breath, Sarah Jane moved to Oliver's door and pushed it open. The covers wound around Oliver like a great serpent he wrestled with as he tossed and turned restlessly.
Moving to the side of his bed, she settled on the edge then laid her hand on his back. "Oliver?"
"No! You can't! Don't hurt her!" Oliver cried out. "Don't tell," he whimpered.
"Oliver," Sarah rubbed between his shoulders comfortingly. "It's me. It's Sarah Jane. You need to wake up."
"Wha?" His eyes opened and he looked up at her blearily. "What?"
"You were calling out again," she understated the case, "You woke me."
"Oh, I'm sorry, Sarah." Oliver struggled up to his elbows so he could look at her.
"Not just me, Luke too." She added, hoping that this last bit of information would be the leverage she needed to convince him to talk.
"Damn," he slammed his fist into the bed. "Damn it."
"I think it's time we talk." Sarah reached up and cupped his cheek. "Or rather, you talk."
Silence reigned for several minutes before Oliver's head dropped. "You're going to hate me."
"Do you think that little of me? Of us? Of what's developed between us?" Sarah asked bluntly, trying to shock him out of his funk.
"NO! No, of course not." Oliver looked up at her with a scowl. "I just," his words trailed off. "You don't know what I did."
"You. The Doctor. You did what was necessary. You were fighting the Daleks. I can only imagine what the Time Lords had to do," she paused. "The worst you will hear from me, I'm fairly certain, is I told you so."
Oliver let a little laugh escape him at that. "Yeah, if that's the worst of it I'll be doing well." He looked at her, pain reflected in his eyes. "If you're so sure that you're not going to hate me, why do you want to hear it?"
"Because you need me to hear it or you won't believe that I don't hate you. That I couldn't hate you." Sarah took his hands and her own and looked down at the bed. "Please Oliver; I can't bear seeing you like this any longer." A tear streaked her face. "Can't you please trust me and talk to me?"
There was silence for another long moment, time stretching out like an eternity. "I was in my eighth regeneration when I was recalled to Gallifrey. It shouldn't have been that bad. I mean they're Daleks. Basically big metal cockroaches. Not easy to get rid of permanently, but I'd beaten them back before," he shook his head. "They kept changing things. Always were one step ahead of us. Any race that could be an ally to us they burned. Any race we thought might side with them even out of fear or if they'd be forced - well we'd change things wouldn't we. Made certain that they'd never be in the position to help," he breathed out slowly. "We insured that some races never even evolved, just because they might have given a strategic advantage to the Daleks."
He looked up at Sarah Jane, his eyes haunted. "I did that, Sarah. I made certain that entire races fell. There were so many. So many that we stood aside and watched fall because they weren't important enough to save. Earth. Trion. Some planets, planets where my past rested on their shoulders - they had to survive," his eyes closed.
"Yes, I…" Sarah paused. "I think we ran into a survivor of one of those races last year. Eve. Her race could see the time lines. How they shifted."
Oliver nodded. "Could have been us or the Daleks that razed their planet, Sarah," he held her gaze. "I don't even know which. Couldn't tell you, which is ironic really since I did most of the razing. I was their greatest warrior wasn't I? The oncoming storm. When I arrived people feared for their lives as much as they were relieved." He curled himself around his knees and started a bit when Sarah's hand came to rest between his shoulders, "I used to have so much mercy - but all that was gone. Gone in the face of a war I caused."
"You caused?" Sarah stopped but didn't look away from him. "What do you mean you caused?"
"Well it was wasn't it?" Oliver scowled certain that everything he had built here was torn to shreds. "I'm the one who never listened to you. You told me to destroy the Daleks. If I had, if I had stopped it when they started then the Time War would never have happened. I didn't think I had the right."
Sarah's eyes widened. "That's why you did what you did on the Crucible. You killed them. All of them."
"To stop it happening again." Oliver nodded.
"Why didn't the Doctor?" Sarah frowned, trying to work it out in her head.
"He said Rose had fixed him." Oliver shrugged and breathed out, his gaze falling to the bed once more, one hand pulling from Sarah's and twisting the spread between his fingers nervously. "All high minded and beyond all that again. He couldn't see the mistake he made. Some races. Some people just aren't redeemable." He didn't move as he continued to speak, "Left to survive, the Daleks would have continued trying to do what they'd done. The universe at risk. It wasn't worth all those high minded ideals."
He knew Sarah was more like the Doctor now than she had been before. So he was certain that this was it. The point at which everything would collapse under its own weight, where he'd be asked pointedly to leave. So he'd never expected the next words that Sarah Jane spoke.
"You're right," she said softly. "There was nothing to redeem in the Daleks. Certainly nothing when they were created or at the end on the Crucible." She saw his gaze come up slowly to meet hers. "Their only purpose was to destroy and time and again that is what they did. Whether they came from our universe or another," she licked her lips and reclaimed the hand that pulled at the spread. "What happened in the Time War, what the Time Lords made you do - doing their dirty work. It wasn't right. It wasn't fair. No one individual should have been made to feel that they were responsible for all of that."
"I killed them." The statement was simple. Matter of fact even. It drew Sarah Jane up short.
"You killed who?" Sarah asked
"Remember when I told you they died. That all the Time Lords had died." Oliver's voice was nearly a monotone.
"Yes," Sarah's heart sped up, not knowing if she wanted to hear this.
"I killed them. It was me." Oliver pronounced like a judge announcing a death sentence.
For the first time in hearing this, Sarah's faith was shaken. Still she wasn't about to give up. Giving up on Oliver or, for that matter, the Doctor since this confession belonged to him as much as to his clone. "Surely not."
"Oh it was." Oliver didn't see where there was any redemption for him. "It was the final paradigm. As evil as Davros' Crucible." Silence echoed through the room for a moment. "Rassilon wanted to use his 'Ultimate Sanction'. It would have destroyed all life and time. Everything. Instead I locked Gallifrey, Skaro, the Time Lords and the Daleks in a moment. The moment. Forever burning. Leela. Romana. My granddaughter, Susan. Even my mother." His eyes closed again. "Burning."
The horror of the choice he'd been left to make weighed on her. To save the universe but to condemn his people. Friends. Family. She couldn't imagine making that choice. Tears streamed down her face as she cried for him. Nothing ever seemed to be fair for the Doctor. He never seemed to catch a break. She couldn't help her oldest, dearest friend.
Oliver. Oliver she could help. Moving closer to him, she settled her hands on his shoulders. "I understand," the tears didn't stop running down her face and as his gaze met hers, the gates opened up for his own flood of tears. "It wasn't your fault. You made the only choice left to you." She said in a shaky voice.
Sarah pulled him close to her, both their bodies shaking as they grieved for everyone and everything that had been lost. They stayed there, wrapped around one another, clinging to one another in desperation. Slowly Oliver pulled away. "I think," he took a deep breath and gathered himself, "I think I'll be okay."
"I know you will be," Sarah smiled at him softly. "Not right away, but you will be alright." She stood slowly and looked towards the door, then held her hand out to him. "I think though, I would much rather not sleep alone."
Oliver's gaze came up, expecting to see pity in her eyes and cursing himself for looking. Instead, all that he saw was Sarah's smile and her eyes full of love. Love for him. "Please, Oliver." She stretched out her fingers, "I've been alone in that bed far long enough, don't you think?"
Oliver couldn't find any words that would do what he felt justice, so he simply stood, let her wrap her small hand around his and draw him out the door towards her room.