Mormons
2 Weeks ago two missionaries came to my door. I was home alone. At first I was like shit how do I get them to go away quickly without being mean or getting hurt then I realized they were from the church of Jesus Christ and the Latter Day Saints. I feel safe with this church, not only because I have only had positive experiences with it but the absence of symbols and repetitious prayer and ceremony found in every other church makes it less threatening. I like the culture of it, there is so much caring. I have frequently wished I were more like the Mormons. I have never known a group of people that seemed so truly happy. If I weren’t a lesbian I would move to Utah after graduation, I might do that someday any way.
I am also somewhat ashamed as to how little I know about the Book of Mormon. Since the day they first came the missionaries have returned to speak to me 4? Times now. We talk for a couple of hours, I ask questions and have been impressed by their level of knowledge. I like everything the book says, it makes so much more sense then the Bible alone. I haven’t found anything really objectionable. The feminist in me likes the way Eve is portrayed. The only concrete complaint I have previously heard is that the text is very racist. There is a lot of talk about light but I don’t think that is what the person was talking about. Maybe I just have a hard time seeing it because the Mormons I have previously known have not been racist and one of the two missionaries who came to my door, Elder AJ, is a black man originally from Nigeria who now lives in Norway. The other, Elder Milton, is a white man from Los Vegas. They are both good guys, people I would want to be friends with if I met them elsewhere. It is cool to hang out with people close to my age.
I like talking about God and religion in general, though I find it hard to discuss with most. Amy, a schizophrenic friend in high school, and I used to talk about God all the time. I wanted to believe in God so much. Amy had an incredibly strong faith in God but wouldn’t justify it with, “When I___, I feel ____.” “I have felt____” or “One night I saw/heard ____.” The intersection between religion and severe mental illness is unavoidable to the educated. It is quite clear that most people who think they are hearing the voice of God are hallucinating the question is, is anyone hearing the voice of God.
I have been fortunate to have never been spoken to by “God.” I can’t say the same for everyone in my family. I used to feel “God’s” presence but anti-psychotics took care of that. I am sort of temped to share this with the Mormons every time they ask me if I have “felt the spirit” but generally conversations where I disclose this to someone who is religious but not mentally ill end in one of 2 ways. A. They try to convince me that I need to stop taking medication that is dampening my senses or B. They concede that I am “different” and the real God probably won’t come to me. I am not sure which makes me feel worse.
I wish there was some line I could draw in-between normal religious experience and the other stuff.
I am also somewhat ashamed as to how little I know about the Book of Mormon. Since the day they first came the missionaries have returned to speak to me 4? Times now. We talk for a couple of hours, I ask questions and have been impressed by their level of knowledge. I like everything the book says, it makes so much more sense then the Bible alone. I haven’t found anything really objectionable. The feminist in me likes the way Eve is portrayed. The only concrete complaint I have previously heard is that the text is very racist. There is a lot of talk about light but I don’t think that is what the person was talking about. Maybe I just have a hard time seeing it because the Mormons I have previously known have not been racist and one of the two missionaries who came to my door, Elder AJ, is a black man originally from Nigeria who now lives in Norway. The other, Elder Milton, is a white man from Los Vegas. They are both good guys, people I would want to be friends with if I met them elsewhere. It is cool to hang out with people close to my age.
I like talking about God and religion in general, though I find it hard to discuss with most. Amy, a schizophrenic friend in high school, and I used to talk about God all the time. I wanted to believe in God so much. Amy had an incredibly strong faith in God but wouldn’t justify it with, “When I___, I feel ____.” “I have felt____” or “One night I saw/heard ____.” The intersection between religion and severe mental illness is unavoidable to the educated. It is quite clear that most people who think they are hearing the voice of God are hallucinating the question is, is anyone hearing the voice of God.
I have been fortunate to have never been spoken to by “God.” I can’t say the same for everyone in my family. I used to feel “God’s” presence but anti-psychotics took care of that. I am sort of temped to share this with the Mormons every time they ask me if I have “felt the spirit” but generally conversations where I disclose this to someone who is religious but not mentally ill end in one of 2 ways. A. They try to convince me that I need to stop taking medication that is dampening my senses or B. They concede that I am “different” and the real God probably won’t come to me. I am not sure which makes me feel worse.
I wish there was some line I could draw in-between normal religious experience and the other stuff.