(no subject)
'm feelin MUCH better. I don't know why. Last night I still had a few pangs of anger and dismay, but you know, it really hasn't been that long. We've sorta been off and on all summer, so this past time just made it final. Poor boy just doesn't know what he wants. And that's ok, because if he doesn't KNOW he wants me, then I don't want someone that conflicted in my life anyway. I just hope he finds happiness (not that fake stuff) somehow, someday. *shrug* That's all I can do. I guess the only thing that hurts me overall, is that he wasn't able to be honest enough to communicate throughout the relationship. I'm not gonna say he was awful, because he was still better to me than anyone ever has been. I'll always love the time that we had, I got a dream that I've had since I was probably 14 fulfilled, and he was so much more than I ever could have imagined. I just can't be so spoiled to think that something that awesome could last forever. But. I'll do my time being bored, and occasionally lonely.. and I'll find someone better. That will stay forever. Maybe not immediately, but certainly someday.
I'm getting my car fixed on Wednesday, which is happy good times for me, until it breaks again. But you know.
School's paid for, I got my presciption reimbursed, and I'll be getting money from the insurance company. These are all stupendous things.
The only two things looming over my head right now is calling Bill back, because he tried to call me, and I have to at least match his efforts, although going back is not an option. I honestly don't feel like talking to him right now. The other being whether or not I even want to call Jeremy back to meet him, so he can have his things back. Not sure I want to see him. Not sure I even want to deal with it yet. I'm feeling better, but not that much better. Originally, I thought that since the ring was a gift, and was sized and made specifically for me, I wanted to keep it. It gave me hope, and it's just beautiful. He also said I could. Now, though, I think I may give it to him, because I don't want that hope, I don't really want to remember that I wanted to spend my life with someone who clearly carelessly threw around his feelings and that ring didn't really signify anything at all. Kind of sad, actually. I don't know. I'll give it some more thought.
I just don't like being bored and lonely. Gay boys have been keeping me somewhat occupied when I'm not at work, but my friends are scattered, and our schedules clash. Maybe I need to meet some new people.
I'm getting my car fixed on Wednesday, which is happy good times for me, until it breaks again. But you know.
School's paid for, I got my presciption reimbursed, and I'll be getting money from the insurance company. These are all stupendous things.
The only two things looming over my head right now is calling Bill back, because he tried to call me, and I have to at least match his efforts, although going back is not an option. I honestly don't feel like talking to him right now. The other being whether or not I even want to call Jeremy back to meet him, so he can have his things back. Not sure I want to see him. Not sure I even want to deal with it yet. I'm feeling better, but not that much better. Originally, I thought that since the ring was a gift, and was sized and made specifically for me, I wanted to keep it. It gave me hope, and it's just beautiful. He also said I could. Now, though, I think I may give it to him, because I don't want that hope, I don't really want to remember that I wanted to spend my life with someone who clearly carelessly threw around his feelings and that ring didn't really signify anything at all. Kind of sad, actually. I don't know. I'll give it some more thought.
I just don't like being bored and lonely. Gay boys have been keeping me somewhat occupied when I'm not at work, but my friends are scattered, and our schedules clash. Maybe I need to meet some new people.