Under Her Skin 21
Title: Under Her Skin 21
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Home 5.16
Disclaimer: See chapters 1-20
Warning: Still reeling from the untimely robbery of Diane Neal from SVU.
Author's Note: I tried to move into the next few episodes in this one, found myself clinging to images of missing Casey.....sorry, I indulged my feelings this time around.
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Detective Olivia Benson was in a complete state of shock, an insane mixture of bliss and confusion currently waging an internal war between her mind and her heart.
She had barely finished snapping at her partner that she really, honestly didn't care at all about ADA Casey Novak, in response to his insinuation that she had more than "professional courtesy" feelings for her; when, suddenly, said ADA had drifted aimlessly into her line of vision.
Drifted past, tears streaming down her face, looking so incredibly desolate that Olivia's arms ached to reach out and support her.
Shit, Olivia thought, as she looked guiltily at her partner, shoved her hands deeply into her pockets.
Surprised, she saw *actual* compassion on his face, the slight tilt of his head in the ADA's direction, the silent message that it was ok to go to the counselor, to offer support to their troubled friend.
To do what she could to ease their ADA's woefully expressed feelings of isolation.
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Feelings, Olivia knew, that she had helped create.
Feelings, she also knew, that she could help make go away.
Her mind said to let Elliot handle it, but her heart?
Her heart, just this once, had silenced her mind.
Taking a deep breath, stepping out of the shadows, she'd placed gentle hands on Casey's shoulders; couldn't stop there, had to sit and take her into her arms, and for that brief moment, all was right with the world.
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ADA Casey Novak was exactly where she wanted to be, safe in the arms of the last person she had ever dreamed would be holding her.
The only person who, in spite of their differences, had always managed to be there for her, always present with that gentle strength; a hand at the small of her back, a reassuring word, a shoulder to cry on.
Did it matter that that person was a co-worker, a sometime adversary, another woman?
What mattered, Casey thought, was that when push came to shove, Olivia was *always* there for her.
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It would have been so easy, for both of them, to just remain on that bench forever; safe in the shelter of the wordless communication that so easily flowed between them, the unspoken language that they had spoken, as naturally as if it had always been, from the moment they had met.
But this wasn't a fantasy world, things were much more complicated than they needed to be, and Elliot was clearing his throat behind them.
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Note to self: kill Elliot, Olivia thought; mentally chastised herself, remembered that this was just a moment, a deliciously beautiful moment, that never would've happened had the counselor not been so obviously upset.
Realized that, had Elliot been the one to step forward first, it would be his shoulder she was crying on right now.
Resigned to that truth, cursing her fate, already missing the heaven that was this first and most likely only physical contact between herself and the oft confusing ADA, Olivia resignedly pulled away; placed a gentle finger under Casey's chin, gently urged the counselor to look into her eyes, visibly forced the emotions out of her own.
Threw the walls back up.
"Hey Case, you ok?"
Because I, for one, am not.
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I was, Casey thought, right up until you pulled away.
Noticed the guarded look in the detective's eyes, felt the amazing comfort of the moment replaced by awkward silence, remembered, vaguely, that her and Olivia weren't exactly on the best of terms.
Filed away the purely incomparable sensation of Olivia's embrace, knowing that the memory of it would be a precious gift she would treasure forever.
Straightened, acknowledged Elliot's presence, accepted the handkerchief he offered.
Wiped her face, replied, "Yeah, sorry. Thanks."
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"No apologies necessary, we understand," Elliot reassured, as he gently helped her to her feet.
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Olivia saw the confusion, the hurt, the acceptance on Casey's face.
One of us had to do it, she thought, one of us had to be strong enough to put an end to what could never be allowed to start.
Forgive me, Casey.
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Like the true survivor she was, Casey shook off the moment's weakness and rose to her feet, proclaiming that it was time to arrange a meeting between the Nesbit boys and their mother.
"Do you need a ride back, Case?" Elliot had asked, as Olivia visibly fought the urge to throw her arms right back around the now composed ADA, hands shoved firmly into her pockets.
He noticed, smirked, thought that these two were so far in denial they might as well go boating in Egypt.
"No El, thanks. I'm actually having lunch with a friend, she'll be here any minute to pick me up."
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Ouch, thought Olivia, holy reality check.
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Elliot saw his partner flinch, knew what she was thinking.
Another woman, huh?
Never saw *that* one coming.
Wondered if Olivia knew who this mystery "friend" was, decided from her reaction that she probably did.
Couldn't wait to see the competition.
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Imagine Olivia's surprise when none other than former judge Mary Conway Clark pulled up to collect Casey.
"Detectives Benson, Stabler, I trust you've been taking good care of my girl?"
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Elliot's jaw dropped.
No *freakin'* way!
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Was it just my imagination, or did she seem to be directing that comment at *me*? thought Olivia, who tripped over her tongue as she tried to stammer out an intelligent response.
Shot a grateful look to Elliot, who stepped in with "Yeah Judge, we have. She's our girl, too, you know."
"Good, good to hear," Mary had replied, "I knew I wasn't wrong when I told Casey's parents how *lucky* she was to have been assigned to the SVU. Ready Casey?"
Casey, unaware that the Judge had discussed *anything* with her parents, was struck dumb.
Nodded, meekly, and slid into the car.
"Casey, enjoy your lunch. See you in the morning," Elliot said, as he gallantly shut the passenger door behind her.
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Note to self: Let Elliot live another day, Olivia thought, as she absorbed the impact that the Judge knew about her conversation with Casey's father.
Wondered how much more she knew.
Resolved to pay a certain bartender a visit, to see if her newly acquired partner in deception could enlighten her at all.
Even if, she thought, that meant facing the woman in Casey's life that would be holding her tonight.
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"Liv?" Elliot repeated, wondering where in the hell his partner had gone in her mind.
Olivia, guilty, told Elliot to shut the hell up.
"I was just asking," he repeated, "where it was that we needed to go next?"
Unwilling to admit that she wanted his help, unable to admit that she felt the need for the pain that seeing the gorgeous bartender was going to inflict, she gave him the bar's address.
At his questioning look, she simply implored, "Please, just drive."
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Mary, completely amused by her own actions, laughed all the way to the restaurant.
Casey, frustrated, seriously considered how much of an impact could be achieved by tossing *any* projectile inside of a car.
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"I don't want to talk about it," Casey stated, emphatically, to the conspiratorial look the Judge was shooting in her direction.
Mary, undaunted, replied, "You two are cute together."
Casey glared, asked the waiter for the specials.
Mary laughed out loud, threw up her hands, stated, "Fine, I get it, you win. But Case?"
An eloquent eyebrow arched up.
"He's married."
Casey rolled her eyes, resolved to *not* give the Judge the satisfaction of a reaction.
Failed, miserably, as her self-control snapped at the idea of herself in an illicit affair with the very married, very Catholic, father of four.
Tipped her mental hat to her friend, burst into a fit of much needed laughter.
Wished it were Olivia here with her.
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"So that's interesting, huh, that Casey's hanging out with Judge Clark," Elliot started, unable to believe that their incredibly sexy ADA was dating a woman *so* obviously her senior.
"Judge *Conway* Clark, Elliot," Olivia corrected, "and Casey used to clerk for her."
"Oh," he replied, secretly amused at yet another example of the fact that Olivia was already much more involved than she was willing to admit.
Went back to concentrating on the road, asked, "So why the bar?"
"Just need a drink," she'd replied.
Was obviously lying.
"And?"
"And I've got a contact there, ok?"
Yeah, right, he thought, replied, "Any case I'm aware of?"
"No, just a little something I've been working on," she sighed, almost regretting that she'd chosen to take Elliot to meet the competition, already hating the comments she was already hearing him make about the blonde knockout.
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"Hi Jenny, this is my partner, Elliot Stabler," Olivia had started, as soon as they'd taken their seats at the bar.
"Nice to meet you, Elliot," she'd replied, "what's your pleasure?"
You, naked, his obviously appreciative gaze implied.
His mouth, however, said, "Just a beer, thanks."
As Jenny turned and poured his beer, he realized that Olivia hadn't ordered, yet was already halfway through a Captain & Coke.
Hmmmm.
"So," he grinned, "how do you two know each other?"
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Jenny, guilty, looked at Olivia, her eyes pleading for an out.
Olivia, guilty as well, answered quickly, "Jenny here was a great help to me, a little while back, on a case I couldn't find a way to break."
It *was*, actually, kind of the truth.
"Really? I don't remember her on any witness list," Elliot, undeterred, replied.
What the hell were these two up to?
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Olivia, ever the smooth liar, responded, "She wasn't, El, she just happened to be a sympathetic ear to the musings of a befuddled detective, once upon a time, and talking things out with her made me see the solution that I had been missing."
Seeing his disbelief, Jenny quickly stepped in, stating, "You know the plight of the bartender, always the neighborhood shrink, for just the price of a drink."
He excused himself to use the men's room, still clearly not buying their story, realizing that neither one of them was going to tell him the truth.
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As he disappeared from sight, Olivia quickly filled Jenny in on the day's events, leaving out the part about the embrace on the bench.
Jenny, true to form, assured Olivia that their secret was safe, that Mary and Casey went *way* back, and that the Judge hadn't a clue of their little deception.
"But why would she have called Casey's parents?" Olivia had asked, to which Jenny replied, "For what it's worth, I think they called her, to check up on their daughter. They do that. It drives Casey nuts, but she knows that they trust Mary, value her opinion, and don't mean any harm by it."
"I don't suppose you would want to explain to me why they feel the need to check up on her at all, why you don't seem surprised by this information at all, or who the guy in the Yankees cap was, would you?"
Jenny took a deep breath, considered her options, decided that she had already deceived her friend enough.
"Sorry Olivia, I just think that she needs to tell you herself, in her own time."
Olivia shrugged, grudgingly accepted that the other woman was right, smiled as a fresh drink was placed on the bar in front of her.
"As much as I hate to admit it," Olivia said, taking a healthy swallow of the heavenly concoction, "I think you're right."
Jenny sighed in relief, not really sure that she could have denied the intense detective if she had continued to push for the answer, noticed that Olivia had something more to say.
Seemed unwilling to say it.
"Olivia?"
"Yeah Jen?"
"Whatever it is, that you're deciding whether or not to tell me?"
Olivia, caught, replied, "Am I that obvious?"
"I'm a bartender Liv, reading people is what I do."
"Point taken," Olivia replied, a sheepish grin making her look absolutely adorable.
Down girl, Jenny thought; continued, "Whatever it is, I promise, you can trust me with it."
Olivia sighed, opened and shut her mouth; said quickly, as if afraid she wouldn't get it out, "She's had a really rough day. If you can help it, don't let her be alone tonight."
Jenny saw what it had cost the detective to speak those words, thought that she was going to have to *eventually* do something to get the two of them together; realized, quite clearly, that to push them together tonight, when Casey was so obviously emotionally fragile, would be a huge mistake.
Agreed, on the condition that Olivia would pick the counselor up in the morning, to spend the night at Casey's apartment.
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Then Elliot was back at the bar, their drinks disappeared quickly when he gently reminded Olivia that they had an early morning ahead of them, and the detectives were out the door.
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"Who is she?"
"A friend, Elliot, nothing more."
My ass, his inner voice said.
At his look of disbelief, she rolled her eyes and looked away, mumbling, "You'd never believe it if I told you."
"Try me."
Deep breath, head shake.
"C'mon Liv, you took me there for a reason. Please, partner, tell me why?"
"Ok fine, but if I tell you El, it's *gotta* stay between me and you. Not Munch, not Fin, not the Cap, just us. Deal?"
"Deal."
"She's a friend of Casey's, the friend that helped me make her problems go away."
His jaw dropped, clearly unexpecting this admission, as she continued, "And Casey doesn't know that we've been talking, doesn't know how we helped each other to help her, and neither of us wants her to know. And El?"
"Yeah?" Elliot replied, noticing the sudden moisture in his partner's eyes.
"I'm pretty sure they're a couple."
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No *wonder*, went his little voice.
Outwardly, he replied, "Well, if they are? Good for them, she seems like a really great girl."
I mean, seriously, how was he *actually* supposed to respond to that?
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"Yeah," Olivia admitted, "she really is. But I think, given the politics of the DA's office, that Casey would prefer to keep it private."
And, Olivia inwardly added, I don't like the taste that calling them a couple just left in my mouth.
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"Their secret's safe with me, and Liv?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks for trusting me with this."
"You're my partner," she replied, quickly falling back on her standard reply for everything where Elliot was concerned.
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Finally home, at last, Olivia headed for the bedroom, for the sleep that her exhausted body so desperately needed.
Stripped off her clothes, noticed the slight stain of makeup on the shoulder, the mark that Casey's tears had obviously left behind.
Lifted the shirt to her face, smelled the faint trace of the ADA still clinging to the soft material, felt sudden tears spring to her eyes.
Thought of Jenny, their conversation, her instructions to not leave Casey alone tonight.
Tossed the shirt to the floor, resolved to help it find it's way to the hamper in the morning; crawled into bed, replayed, over and over again, the moment on the bench in her mind.
Grabbed her pillow, tightly in her arms, curling up around the poor substitute and trying to go to sleep.
Was tortured, relentlessly, by images of the bartender and the ADA; on the dance floor, on the couch, in Casey's bed.
Cursed, gave into temptation, stretched across the floor and grabbed the only little piece of Casey that she could get.
Pulled the shirt to her face, inhaled deeply, clung to the ADA's scent as she cried herself to sleep.
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"What the hell are you doing here?" Casey asked as she answered the door, clearly irritated.
Unimpressed with her friend's lack of hospitality, Jenny cheerily answered, "Hello to you, too. Miss me?"
Casey rolled her eyes, pure venom in her voice as she replied, "Actually, no. I'm tired, I've had a very trying day, and I want to go to bed."
Innocently, Jenny asked, "Oooh, can I come?"
"No, you cannot! I swear, you see one little softcore lesbian flick, next thing you know......." and the rest was lost, as Casey ranted all the way to her bedroom, a clearly amused Jenny left laughing in the doorway.
Slam!
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"Casey!!!!"
Silence.
"Ohhh Miss Novak!!!!!"
Nothing.
Completely amused with herself, Jenny picked up her phone.
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"Novak."
"I need a blanket."
Click.
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Casey, considering that she had *just* programmed this phone, managed not to toss it.
Grabbed a blanket, marched directly to the living room, threw it at her friend.
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"What, no "orange blanket" for me tonight?"
Casey stuck her tongue out.
"Look, Case, I'm here because I heard about the nature of the Nesbit case, figured you might need a friend. Please, don't be mad at me, ok?"
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Casey, guilty, simply threw her arms around her friend.
"Thank you, and I'm sorry I'm so cranky, it's just....."
"Yes?"
The counselor hesitated, yawned, said, "I'm just really tired, you know? I appreciate you, I do, but can we please just talk about this in the morning?"
"Sure. Good night, Casey."
"Sweet dreams, Jen," the counselor threw back, over her shoulder as she headed off to bed.
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The next morning, amazingly true to character, Casey was running late.
Avoided, quite fantastically, discussing the nature of her irritation from the day before.
Cursed as she looked at the kitchen clock, realizing that she'd have to take a cab to make it to work on time today.
Burnt the toast, spilled her coffee, managed to score an impressive double run in her stocking.
"I friggin' hate mornings!" she'd wailed, which her friend met with an amused smile.
"What?"
"Nothing, nothing at all," Jenny had replied, returning to her bowl of cereal.
Smirked, as Casey's phone rang.
"Novak."
Tried, desperately, to hide her amusement at Casey's adorably clueless expression; failed, miserably, not that the counselor noticed.
"Who was that?" Jenny, innocently, inquired.
"That was Olivia," Casey replied, "her and Elliot are here to pick me up."
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"What?"
Elliot merely grinned at his partner.
"Stop it Stabler, I'm warning you...."
He threw his hands up, said, "Ok, I give, but you know what?"
She ignored him.
Unaffected by her refusal to respond, he continued, "You have a heart, I think, a little bit of a soft spot for Novak."
She flipped him the bird.
"It's nice," he said, "I think she really needed this today. But Liv?"
Ignored.
"How'd you know where she lived?"
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Refusing to answer his question at all, Olivia caught her breath as Casey appeared at the entrance, stunning in all black.
Fitting attire, given Olivia's mood, her absolute desolation at the memory of how she'd spent the night before.
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Casey had approached the car, smiled shyly as the detectives greeted her, thanked Elliot for the steaming cup of coffee he'd passed to her.
Took a sip, eyes closed in pure bliss, as she recognized that *somebody* knew exactly how she liked her coffee.
"Munch," Olivia squeaked, as she caught the ADA's purely orgasmic reaction in the rearview mirror.
"Huh?" Casey had replied, pretty sure that Olivia had spoken, yet unaware of what she'd said.
"Munch," Olivia repeated, "told me that you ruin coffee as badly as I do. So I figured, vanilla, extra cream and sugar; glad to see, since you're still drinking it, that I got it right."
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Touched by the duo's attention to detail, aware that the skittish Detective Benson would bolt if she praised her too much, Casey had replied, "It's perfect. Thanks."
Left it at that, jumped right into the business of the ambush they were about to spring on Marilyn Nesbit, outlined her strategy as they headed off to collect the boys.
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Ambush, it was.
Brilliant, it was.
Once they'd collected the Nesbit brothers, Olivia and Casey had walked, side by side, into the ADA's office, Adam right behind them.
When Marilyn had jumped out of her seat, her attorney verbally attacking Casey, Olivia had quite menacingly put herself between the women and her counselor.
Adam, clearly distraught, had lashed out at his mother; the obviously unstable woman, enraged by Adam's attack, had turned on Casey, demanding, "What have you done to my son?"
Was smart enough, at least, to recognize the warning in the detective's eyes; eyes which darted, dangerously back and forth, between the defendant and the counselor, clearly relaying the message that Casey had better not be harmed.
Then Elliot was in the room, following Daniel, who Casey gleefully introduced to Marilyn's attorney; the attorney, Brockmorton, was clearly at a loss.
Didn't even interfere, at all, when Olivia and Elliot arrested her client, didn't follow as they led her out of the room.
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Later that evening, after all of the legal processing had been completed, Casey stopped by the precinct.
"Congratulations counselor, another slam dunk," Elliot said, greeting his favorite ADA with an enormous grin.
Casey thanked him, replied, "I couldn't have done it without you and your partner," looked around, asked, "where's Liv?"
Uh-oh, he thought, here we go again.
"Bathroom. Why, what's up?"
"I just thought, you know, maybe you guys would like to go out and celebrate."
"I'm beat," Elliot replied, "but I could use a couple to take the edge off. Where'd you have in mind?"
"I have this friend that works in a bar, a few blocks down from the courthouse, and she'll take care of my cop buddies for free. Whaddaya think?"
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Elliot, completely entertained, wasn't going to miss *this* for the world.
Recovered, quickly, as he remembered that Olivia's friendship with the bartender was a complete secret.
Grinned, broadly, as Olivia returned from the ladies room.
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"Hey Case, I heard you got her on facilitation, and Adam's going to get the counseling he needs. That's great," Olivia had said, adding, "and I hear Daniel has applied to be his legal guardian?"
Stopped talking, when she noticed the look on Elliot's face.
Looked from her partner to Casey, to her partner again, asked, "What?"
"Elliot has just accepted an invitation, for both of you, to allow me to buy you a celebratory drink," Casey had replied, a sense of belonging *finally* in her eyes.
"Sounds great," Olivia replied, grabbing her coat and asking, "O'Malley's?"
"No," Elliot responded; waited, as Olivia turned to face him.
Grinned, as the counselor continued to walk ahead of them.
Took a few steps past Olivia, placed a friendly arm around the ADA's shoulders, tossed back, "Casey has a friend she wants us to meet. Bartender, will hook us up for free, right Case?"
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Stunned, Olivia stood rooted in place.
Shook it off, willed her feet to carry her forward.
Mentally re-added: Kill Elliot.
DOINK DOINK