Why didn't you pick up the phone?

[lilacrosebeauty]

This morning after dropping off my brother at work I curled into bed again, I have had bizarre and strange dreams for a few months now, some revolving about past experiences and some not so much, but the one this morning was a mixture of a few things and a bit of new things

Comments

[anonymous]

These are my thoughts, so don't kill me if I am wrong. I had no better place to put it, so might as well put it here. You didn't want the other options.

I knew I was right earlier when I was talking about your iPod, but you didn't want to cede or admit to it. I think its very important that the iPod did happen in your dream. Your reaction today is what made me recall the dream and in reality, its what made something clear.

I remember what you said word for word, but I'd argue that your iPod is perhaps the most valuable thing you have in your position/control. But its more than just the monetary value of it. That can be replaced, no matter the cost or the time, it can be over come. It's the value it has with your music and more importantly your memories.

It's strange, but music ties in well with memories, I am sure you can recall the songs you were listening to when major things happened in your life. And if you can't, I am sure the reverse is true. Music brings back memories. Memories are very potent and powerful things, sure, pictures and videos can reveal the images, but memories are better, they are mental images and they are sort of a pseudo-virtual reality. Memories allow us to not merely see the events, but to live in them.

It's also very pequiliar that you mention the men are hispanic. So I am sure that has some significance, otherwise, why mention them at all? or why remember it? I think perhaps that it is because of your fear in real life of what men of this stereotype usually do. Poor, illegal bastards and portraited very badly, they have nothing to lose for their crimes. A mere deportation or time in jail, its either a life not very different from their current ones, or a life that is better. But that alone can't be it. I remember from a friend who had a similar experience, she was always worried when the hispanics would say things to her, like "Mamacita" its somewhat degrading and what not. It got me thinking. That perhaps its because of your culture, your father was white, sure, but perhaps there are those out there who know your mother was hispanic and who thinks you should return to those roots.

I've heard stories and profiles of people who act and think like that. They are afraid of mixing different races and they usually re-act very badly to it. Black and White. Hispanic or White. Perhaps its from there that jealous came? Eitherway, you are young, beautiful, female and small. You're arguably an easy target, and I believe you know that. Obviously it means you would have a lot to fear from them.

Anyways. I digress. Perhaps I am putting too much weight on the hispanics, but I do think its important, because that's why you mentioned it.

I think, the most important thing is... perhaps was the timing of this dream and the overall theme. Aaron didn't answer the phone the time when you needed him the most. That is what you fear. You fear that he won't be there for you. You fear his empty promises. The day you had this dream, thats what you said. You yourself commented on the empty promises. The promise of caring and of protection and of being there. Perhaps this dream is just that, you thinking of them as being empty?

But its more than just that. It's not just your fear of being ignored, locked up and sealed. And your fear of your man not being there when you needed him the most. It's worse. It's one great fear meeting another gear fear. It's like and axis of evil. Joker and Lex Luthor teaming up to take you down. The weapon. The weapon is prominant. You remember it vividly. It did perhaps the greatest atrocity known to a living (wo)man to you. Or at least thats what I think it represents. You fear it for good reason. Because it dehumanized you. It took away your control, it took away your safety, it took away your previous life. It took a lot from you, and it objectified you. It's a symbol of what I think is the greatest of sins. It didn't kill you, instead it killed everything as you knew it. It made you suffer and tormented you, and personally, I think thats worse than death. You have to live with those memories, you have to live with those events. And I know you kept it in, you didn't tell anyone. The knife/claw is responsible for that. It's what cut you off from the world.