Closure
I realize that writing now I've dealt with alot, and I had taken a time out from writing about my life, to settle my life out. And today seems more fitting. One year ago today I did what I thought I could never do. And I can say today, that perhaps, it was the best decision, but the least wanted. I also told myself that I would not write in the journal again til today, why, don't ask me, I cannot begin to explain it, but here I am, and I will try to update more often, as now I feel some amount of closure.
Steve ended our relationship on July 4th, he is a careless, verbally abusive person that I'm happy to have rid myself of. And this will be my last rant of him, as for this moment I will not discuss anything about him, nor even begin to remember him ever again. I loved his family and where he came from, but over time, he became mentally unstable, angry at even the most "calm" times. I had tried to help him through it, but everything I said was an inconvenience or he would put me down, his ego is rather large and to compensate for his weaknesses, of which there are many, he would berate me and make me feel like I was nothing, which I tried to rationalize due to his life swirling down. And through all my rationalizing, I also was drastically killing my self esteem, which hit it's real low end in June, when I took a 2 week trip to Texas to visit him. We fought so much during the trip and I hated myself more and more, felt guilty for things that I thought were wrong when in fact it was just nothing at all, even his parents were trying there best to defend him and his actions, but in the end, he's just a selfish brute, with no ambition, so weak that he lets a leg injury be his downfall (and as a side note, my brother suffered 3-4 years with a leg injury at the age of 10 and never let it phase him, steve had cellulitis and would whine and bitch about even the slightest amount of pain...what a piss-ant), plus I got a hint that Steve was drinking and lying about it. If he drinks his way through life, fine, but I don't want to be a part of that, especially when he says "violence is my life" and that "being a watchdog is my job/duty." Worst "watchdog" I've ever beheld...my dog is better at "guarding" than he is. So with all that said and out of my system, Steve, your awful in bed, your selfish, your cruel and manipulative, I hope you suffer, I really do, because you tore me up over time and I hope your happy with the way you've turned out, because your family and friends will move on without you due to the way you treat others, I made you move from the server so that I can have some amount of peace, what you did was wrong and I will not have my reputation nor my dignity torn down because of you. Have a nice life.
Ok, now I feel a bit better. Since today is July 26th, I wanted to say, Matt, we've been through quite a bit of hell for awhile now, I'm glad we set aside our differences and are still friends, I'm sorry for what happened a year ago, and I'm sorry that I still feel a bit angry with you from time to time. But I will move on just as you have, your a good person, sometimes a bit crazy...but who isn't. I'll still hold a spot in my heart for you because you were and always will be my friend first and foremost.
Today I hung out with Chris and Paquaa, I drove all of us to Shady Grove and we played some soul calibur 3 at Tim's place with a few of his friends and then went for wings at some bar, pretty nifty. We ended up talking about D&D the whole way and back, I'm going to be playing a Full Elf Druid, no name yet determined, and the stats haven't been rolled yet, but I'm a bit excited that I'm going to be playing it again, it's been a looooong time. I also took Leah to the groomer...$91 but it was sort of worth it, I don't have 3-4 hours to spare to groom the dog, and they made sure that she was really taken care of all around, which is nice, she's all trimmed like the show girl she really is. I'm working at Starbucks ALOT, but they keep messing with my hours, so I'm always closing...even though I only agreed to about 2 nights a week of closing the store. So I'm pretty wiped every night. C'est la vie. Anyways, I'm off, raid tonight in WoW, Dace is in almost full tier 2 =D
Steve ended our relationship on July 4th, he is a careless, verbally abusive person that I'm happy to have rid myself of. And this will be my last rant of him, as for this moment I will not discuss anything about him, nor even begin to remember him ever again. I loved his family and where he came from, but over time, he became mentally unstable, angry at even the most "calm" times. I had tried to help him through it, but everything I said was an inconvenience or he would put me down, his ego is rather large and to compensate for his weaknesses, of which there are many, he would berate me and make me feel like I was nothing, which I tried to rationalize due to his life swirling down. And through all my rationalizing, I also was drastically killing my self esteem, which hit it's real low end in June, when I took a 2 week trip to Texas to visit him. We fought so much during the trip and I hated myself more and more, felt guilty for things that I thought were wrong when in fact it was just nothing at all, even his parents were trying there best to defend him and his actions, but in the end, he's just a selfish brute, with no ambition, so weak that he lets a leg injury be his downfall (and as a side note, my brother suffered 3-4 years with a leg injury at the age of 10 and never let it phase him, steve had cellulitis and would whine and bitch about even the slightest amount of pain...what a piss-ant), plus I got a hint that Steve was drinking and lying about it. If he drinks his way through life, fine, but I don't want to be a part of that, especially when he says "violence is my life" and that "being a watchdog is my job/duty." Worst "watchdog" I've ever beheld...my dog is better at "guarding" than he is. So with all that said and out of my system, Steve, your awful in bed, your selfish, your cruel and manipulative, I hope you suffer, I really do, because you tore me up over time and I hope your happy with the way you've turned out, because your family and friends will move on without you due to the way you treat others, I made you move from the server so that I can have some amount of peace, what you did was wrong and I will not have my reputation nor my dignity torn down because of you. Have a nice life.
Ok, now I feel a bit better. Since today is July 26th, I wanted to say, Matt, we've been through quite a bit of hell for awhile now, I'm glad we set aside our differences and are still friends, I'm sorry for what happened a year ago, and I'm sorry that I still feel a bit angry with you from time to time. But I will move on just as you have, your a good person, sometimes a bit crazy...but who isn't. I'll still hold a spot in my heart for you because you were and always will be my friend first and foremost.
Today I hung out with Chris and Paquaa, I drove all of us to Shady Grove and we played some soul calibur 3 at Tim's place with a few of his friends and then went for wings at some bar, pretty nifty. We ended up talking about D&D the whole way and back, I'm going to be playing a Full Elf Druid, no name yet determined, and the stats haven't been rolled yet, but I'm a bit excited that I'm going to be playing it again, it's been a looooong time. I also took Leah to the groomer...$91 but it was sort of worth it, I don't have 3-4 hours to spare to groom the dog, and they made sure that she was really taken care of all around, which is nice, she's all trimmed like the show girl she really is. I'm working at Starbucks ALOT, but they keep messing with my hours, so I'm always closing...even though I only agreed to about 2 nights a week of closing the store. So I'm pretty wiped every night. C'est la vie. Anyways, I'm off, raid tonight in WoW, Dace is in almost full tier 2 =D