(no subject)
I leave for tokyo in less then 5 hours....
this has been the most fucked up day.
My parents forgot that i was leaving today. THEY FORGOT. Which is fine I dont give a shit I have never needed them for anything.
But they fought again and well thats normal but its the day before I leave. They fought over money and family like always. I hate it when they hit each other and I don't know whether its better to stop them and get hit myself or to just let them beat each other up. I dunno I fucked either way cause I let both happen.
I've never met two people that hated each oher more then my parents. I've been wondering this over and over and over again since elementary school. WHY WONT THEY JUST GET DIVORCED? But I learned it's not that easy. Especially when money, family fueds, and a child is involved. I hate it. As much as I hate my mom and dad for all the nothing they've done for me, I love them so much. I feel so bad for them. Why can't they just get along and be happy. LIFE IS SO SHORT way too short to be miserable.
You see, no one really gets it. Seeing a parent hurt or crying feels like shit. Would you sacrifice your own happiness to make a parent feel better?
I leave for tokyo in 4 hours but really dont want to go now.
I want my parents to get divorced right now. I want to live with my uncle until I go to college. I'm so sick of it. 16 years living in a home that hates you. Each year I keep thinking......only X amount of years left.
1 more year and I'm free....free. One more year and I'm so close to cracking.
FUCK. ALL I EVER WANTED FROM LIFE IS TO BE HAPPY. FOR PEOPLE TO BE HAPPY. FUCK ALL THIS DRAMA AND HATE.
I just want my mom and dad to be happy. For my boyfriend to be happy.
LIFE IS WAY TOO SHORT to be wasted on this shit.
I can't sleep, I haven't eaten anything all day. Sometimes I think I'm crazy and I realized it's probably genetic. My dad's dad is a fucking lunatic that hit his wife and his children and now he's got alzheimer's. My dad is slowly going crazy. After fighting with my mom and he jumped into the shower and just started screaming over and over and over. The screaming turned into sobbing that turned into pathedic little whimpers. My dad is so miserable.....I feel so....helpless. I went downstairs and my mom was just....smiling laughing at his lunacy and pain. But my mom! She was sobbing so hard.....
Why...this maddnes this horrible depression that spreads like a wildfire over my family?
I could care less about vacationing to Tokyo and China.....I would give everything for my family to get along.
God I have been wishing for them to divoce since what 4th grade?? I am so tired.
So tired.
On the upside. I have amazing friends and god I love them. Maggie and I are leaving and going away from my problems. Jen would be going but....eh....I guess we've kind of lost touch. I got a sony vaio so i can reach people from China.
Alex Kuntzman is the most amazing boy since boy george. For the first time in.....years I feel like I have a best friend again. This time someone that is optimistic and high energy and full of laughter.
Corby the most gorgeous girl I've ever seen and I love you. I miss you already. :-(
Keith....there are so many things wrong with our relationship. But we can work them out....because despite what anybody says about us or our relationship....I love you deeply and I know you love me too...
2 months seems like forever right now, but it'll fly and when you finally discover what you want and who you are. You know I'll be there for you. Live it up, life is too short to hesitate.
Right now I've had the most fucked up day...between keith and my parents and leaving the country....
I just....want to sink into a pool and forget.....forget
forget that my parents hate each other and hate me
forget that my boyfriend wants to screw around
forget that I don't really know what I want to do with my life
forget.
and smile.
I love you Keith.
I feel crazy....like I'm losing my mind...again.
haha the Cerutti's are awake now...time to get ready to leave the country.
Love,
Julia
this has been the most fucked up day.
My parents forgot that i was leaving today. THEY FORGOT. Which is fine I dont give a shit I have never needed them for anything.
But they fought again and well thats normal but its the day before I leave. They fought over money and family like always. I hate it when they hit each other and I don't know whether its better to stop them and get hit myself or to just let them beat each other up. I dunno I fucked either way cause I let both happen.
I've never met two people that hated each oher more then my parents. I've been wondering this over and over and over again since elementary school. WHY WONT THEY JUST GET DIVORCED? But I learned it's not that easy. Especially when money, family fueds, and a child is involved. I hate it. As much as I hate my mom and dad for all the nothing they've done for me, I love them so much. I feel so bad for them. Why can't they just get along and be happy. LIFE IS SO SHORT way too short to be miserable.
You see, no one really gets it. Seeing a parent hurt or crying feels like shit. Would you sacrifice your own happiness to make a parent feel better?
I leave for tokyo in 4 hours but really dont want to go now.
I want my parents to get divorced right now. I want to live with my uncle until I go to college. I'm so sick of it. 16 years living in a home that hates you. Each year I keep thinking......only X amount of years left.
1 more year and I'm free....free. One more year and I'm so close to cracking.
FUCK. ALL I EVER WANTED FROM LIFE IS TO BE HAPPY. FOR PEOPLE TO BE HAPPY. FUCK ALL THIS DRAMA AND HATE.
I just want my mom and dad to be happy. For my boyfriend to be happy.
LIFE IS WAY TOO SHORT to be wasted on this shit.
I can't sleep, I haven't eaten anything all day. Sometimes I think I'm crazy and I realized it's probably genetic. My dad's dad is a fucking lunatic that hit his wife and his children and now he's got alzheimer's. My dad is slowly going crazy. After fighting with my mom and he jumped into the shower and just started screaming over and over and over. The screaming turned into sobbing that turned into pathedic little whimpers. My dad is so miserable.....I feel so....helpless. I went downstairs and my mom was just....smiling laughing at his lunacy and pain. But my mom! She was sobbing so hard.....
Why...this maddnes this horrible depression that spreads like a wildfire over my family?
I could care less about vacationing to Tokyo and China.....I would give everything for my family to get along.
God I have been wishing for them to divoce since what 4th grade?? I am so tired.
So tired.
On the upside. I have amazing friends and god I love them. Maggie and I are leaving and going away from my problems. Jen would be going but....eh....I guess we've kind of lost touch. I got a sony vaio so i can reach people from China.
Alex Kuntzman is the most amazing boy since boy george. For the first time in.....years I feel like I have a best friend again. This time someone that is optimistic and high energy and full of laughter.
Corby the most gorgeous girl I've ever seen and I love you. I miss you already. :-(
Keith....there are so many things wrong with our relationship. But we can work them out....because despite what anybody says about us or our relationship....I love you deeply and I know you love me too...
2 months seems like forever right now, but it'll fly and when you finally discover what you want and who you are. You know I'll be there for you. Live it up, life is too short to hesitate.
Right now I've had the most fucked up day...between keith and my parents and leaving the country....
I just....want to sink into a pool and forget.....forget
forget that my parents hate each other and hate me
forget that my boyfriend wants to screw around
forget that I don't really know what I want to do with my life
forget.
and smile.
I love you Keith.
I feel crazy....like I'm losing my mind...again.
haha the Cerutti's are awake now...time to get ready to leave the country.
Love,
Julia