cela n'existe pas. I know now.

[lilaccanopy]

So we're all kind of screaming the same.

we, like star dust wanting to be seen in the eyes, in the depths of our souls.

One gaze is enough & can just turn my neurotic into the worse pathetic wreckish witch...
thank you for telling me I exist with your eyes & question marks. thank you.

Hey can you believe I smiled in between my latest post and now?
sighs.
sometimes even breathing is just way too difficult and Gosh how I get angry inside of me when I sound so miserable.

I know all these paths, I've tread them too many times, why the heck I'm going there again?
to find what? to know what?
the more I go down the more I awake the dark twin in me.
and then it's not so easy to love myself...

though I do.
Thank Goddess I'm still there for me for I just feel like I have nothing no one to rely on.
why do I feel this?

and screw all that fucking crap that will tell me I'm an artist this is how fucked up we all are.
all I know is that we're all so lonely at times. no matter what.

whatever.
I still wish there were more.

thanks for those who sent me kind words and support.




I close my eyes swirling in the music of shivers
I know your name I know your door
Fresh air of spring perfume in my lungs I breathe
can I climb up the stairs of your mind
certain rages can never subside
lush scent in the garden the orchid tides is coming
Freja take me by the hand like me she always love another dance
invisible gates nothing ever remains out of reach
wash the darkness with the pure
we can see the horizon we are a light
pink tourmaline and emeral in my veins
assuage the rime on the feather path with your question marks
they enter me
they caress me
they smile to me
they kiss me through
they obsess me
we all need reasons to be beautiful & to scatter the inside gem in glows(...)







Blinded by the flames falling into a well
well well well
down down down
is there any other end
I don't want to hear the blazing tongues
it hurts in the dark
I need to jump on my merry-go-round of poems
I can't stand this dress of wounds and bruises in the mirror
break the glass
I swam in the abyss of the hopeless romantics
I wanted to find their underwater graveyards
Did you know there is avalanche of stars in the depths of the ocean
It's only in my head
I can't stand the leaking
final door there is no answer
some silence cut me and some words slashed the core of me
I am still standing on this long empty road under a coma sky
I need to read my roads to elsewhere
teach you my language
The little ghosts tiptoed trying to find their place to hide
in me the enemy
I can't stand this bleeding
Where is my ship to another emotion galaxy
I cannot translate the rampage in my garden
flowers and petals disorder
can I swim to the tender share
where there exist a twisted & lonely soul care(...)







Siren in the darkest seas of me
screaming alarm S.O.S...S.O.S...
Terrifying void and lack of sense at the end of the cord
entangled wires oh so meaningless echoes of my veins
deadly descent for my soul fireflies
Hades hold me tight in his arms
The real violence is here before my eyes
when I could just vanish unnoticed in the light of my pain
Swallow more of the unsaid
A lack of word
a lack of glowing stitches from your soul
deadly strikes me
I can forever walk that haunted manor of dust
I can cling to memories and kiss my fears
silence of soul
seperation of self
surrender of sunset
sudden outward sorrow
such overflowing sighs
no elation no sacrifice just the wonderful black out
I'm crawling back to the Nihilist poets attic
fucking blurry ink and dots
soaking words
who's got an umbrella and a magical parachute
to fall in my hell
to reach my den
to take my hand
there is nothing no one and you won't understand(...)








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