(no subject)
And I have to say, I'm a little depressed by it. Not so much because I'm older, because I'm sort of mentally stuck at 17. Not because of my personal life, which is pretty damn good. I think it's a combination of talking to friends recently who really took some risks to try to succeed professionally in careers at which most people fail, and facing mortality. Yeah, real light stuff.
When I was little, I had a very distinctive look and was a real drama queen. I always loved theater and was decent at it. In high school, I was very involved in the drama department and developed a real love for the behind-the-scenes stuff. But I was raised with a very middle-class ethic and expectations: go to college, get a degree in something practical that you can support yourself with. Any suggestion of going outside the box was laughed off as silly fantasy. I wish I would have been braver and more confident and willing to risk failure to at least try. I know I couldn't make it as an actress, but writing? Maybe. Production stuff? It was at least worth a shot. Instead, I chose to go to college and graduate school, get married and have kids. I feel like I blew my opportunity to take the risk. I don't blame my parents; not only am I responsible for my own decisions, they acted in what they perceived to be my best interests. I am frustrated with myself though. I have too many responsibilities for now to be in a position to take a risk. It's disappointing.
And the whole mortality thing. My parents turned 60 this year. My dad is only 8 years younger than his mom was when she died. Frankly, I have a close and loving relationship with my parents and I want them to live to 120. It's kind of scary.
On the plus side, Mr. C got me a beautiful necklace, my in-laws got me a gift card to Barnes & Noble, my kids made me cards, and my parents are getting me some jewelry. Also, tiggergirl wrote me fic. I think it's time to stop wallowing in self-pity and go watch more season 1 DS.
List o'musical randomness
1. Rob Thomas's new song sounds like it was done by that Max guy who did all the NSync and Britney stuff. It has a "Just don't tell me that" or "See right through you" vibe.
2. Out of the blue the other day, two of the thinglets burst out singing, "Mamamamama Mama's Boy..." which cracked me the hell up. I'm doing at least one thing right if Blitzkrieg Bop is the first thing they ask for when we get in the car, and even the kid who can barely talk yells along with the "hey, ho" part. Little punklets, how I do love them.
3. Is it really a list if it only has 2 items? I had more but it's all gone(gone)gone(gone), the truth remains...