The Kind Of Man
Tsuna wondered what kind of man he was in the future.
It was one thought had always been in his mind since he arrived in the future. In the future so bleak and so different with what he imagined to be. It was among his thoughts even when he was barely grasping what was happening,
What happened to me? This is not real. I’m glad Reborn is alright. This is too much. Kyoko-chan. What should I do? Everything is so different. Mother. I can’t do this. Haru. Why are we here? Father. What is happening? Everyone. Why me? Please don’t let anything happen to them.
Even when he finally found the resolve to find a way to go back to the past,
We have to go back. I don’t know what to do. What am I doing? Am I doing the right thing? I can’t do this. They ask too much of me. I’m not a leader. Why me? Everyone believes in me. Can I really do this? Am I ready? We’re going to get through this.
The thought was constantly in his mind, despite it was often forced into the back of his mind whenever there were more urgent and important things that required his immediate attention. Such as figuring out how to get back to the future, trying to survive training sessions with older Hibari and Lal Mirch, and later, trying to infiltrate the Millefiore base.
The first thought that came to him about his future self was what made him lying in a coffin in a middle of nowhere, most likely, dead. A thought that he tried to deny, and was afraid to acknowledge. Because there should be no reason he should be dead in the span of ten years from now, unless… unless… there was someone who wanted him dead, and that meant he could be someone that someone thought deserve to die. He tried to ignore that depressing thought.
Gokudera was the first guardian he met in the future. He was nothing like the Gokudera he knew, he was much more mature, and calmer, but it might be because his Tenth was no longer with him. However, what scared him most wasn’t the Storm guardian’s insistence in eliminating a man named Irie Shuichi, but the raw pain, the desperation and the haunted look he saw in his supposedly right hand man. That the Gokudera -who would obligingly follow his boss’ will even when it wasn’t asked of him despite it was against his own will- would even dare to suggest killing someone to his younger self. It made him wonder whether he had no longer any qualm in making decision regarding human lives, whether he had little care of the death of other people, and made his friends to do it. It made him wonder what kind of man he became and he wasn’t sure he liked the man.
Then he met older Yamamoto, who was very much the same, yet very much different. Yamamoto had spoken highly of his future self, of how great he became, but this came from the man who considered him amazing when he nearly caused him fall to his death, the man who despite everything still considered all the happenings related to the mafia was merely a game, and the man whose eyes and laughter no longer held the playful, cheerful impression. The sight of a familiar figure that once brought him relief now only filled him with sadness. Because what kind of friend that let his important person had such haunting and sad look in his eyes? Because of that, he wasn’t sure he liked the person he became.
It mattered little to him that he was the one who actually built the underground base that provided shelter to the remaining members from the hunt and facilities that actually kept young Chrome alive, that he was the one who made the decision to destroy the rings to avoid more bloodshed. Because it meant that he had taken up the responsibility as the tenth Vongola, fully conscious of bringing along his friends into the mafia business that he was started to aware of was not all fireworks and picnics. Because it meant he left his friends weak and vulnerable, despite how strong and reliable he knew they could be. And he hated it more than anything.
Then older Hibari appeared. Older Ryohei followed not long afterwards. Unlike Gokudera and Yamamoto, the ten years seemed to bring them little change. Hibari was still the same Hibari who used his tonfa to emphasize his point and hated the crowds. Ryohei was still the boxer he remembered, along with his extreme energy and forgetfulness. Regardless it brought him the slightest bit comfort to the guilt gnawing inside him for seeing how much his friends and family were forced to endure in the future.
However, as he spent more time with the remaining guardians who weren’t switched, he started to wonder of what kind of man he really was in this future. Ryohei and Hibari might seem the same with their younger selves, but the changes were there, albeit much subtler. The first thing he noticed from Ryohei was how much he regarded him highly. He had openly suggested that it was himself, as the Tenth Vongola to make the decision regarding the Millefiore despite he was aware of that the Tsuna standing before him was the younger, naïve, and inexperienced Tsuna. He admitted that the older brother of Kyoko might not be the brightest among the guardians, but he had matured a great deal in the years enough to tell the difference between him and his older self. And it made him think whether that Ryohei saw so little difference between them that he treated him no differently with the infamous Vongola leader. He wasn’t sure what to think about that possibility. He wasn’t really sure whether to be appalled or to be pleased or even to be proud at the implication.
And there was Hibari. Unlike Ryohei, there were few words exchanged between them, compared to the blows they had exchanged during their training sessions. He was a type of man whose actions spoke louder than words. The Hibari he knew would never actually bother to help anyone let alone mind others’ business unless they interested him enough. He couldn’t help but to wonder why Hibari even bother to actually help with his training, thinking there was nothing interesting with him; especially he should have been weaker than his future self. It never occurred to him that the Hibari would voluntarily join the Vongola and acted as one of the guardians. It made no sense at all, at least to him. Although he vaguely suspected from his remarks that he possibly matched the strongest guardian in strength, when his younger self could barely avoid the other’s tonfa and shrink in fear around him. He never voiced this question out loud, even to Reborn, thinking it was irrelevant.
When he heard of the blueprint of the Millefiore base that somehow was gotten into their possession, his first thought was Mukuro, as ridiculous as it seemed to him, and Reborn seemed not to expect the Mist guardian to aid them, either. However, when he openly spoke up about the possibility, he was surprised to find it was agreed upon readily by Ryohei who said that it was like Mukuro to help the mafia indirectly. The statement caught him off guard. Like Hibari, Mukuro was among the guardians he least expected to actually help the Vongola, but he had seen the fact by his own eyes. It made him wonder what reason they found to stay with the Vongola and wondered whether he had a part in it.
Now, as he ran with the others, heading out to infiltrate the Millefiore base, he couldn’t help to keep glancing over his shoulder, half-expecting the Cloud guardian to suddenly appear and join them. It had been difficult decision when he heard that Hibari had gone to engage the enemy forces on his own. It was hard to believe that not long before Hibari had been his ordinary self by threatening and telling them that he wouldn’t fight alongside with them because he was strong enough without them. But when he thought of it further, Hibari had indicated subtly that he wouldn’t join them, but not for the same reason he gave them. It was just like Mukuro had done, helping them without giving any reason behind their actions. And they weren’t the only ones. Reborn. Ryohei. Kyoko-chan. Haru. Bianchi. Fuuta. Gianini. Lal Mirch…
In the end, he decided, it didn’t matter what kind of man he was in the future. As he ran through the hallways to infiltrate the Millefiore base, he thought of Reborn who remained behind and kept watch on their progress, he thought of Hibari who was currently facing the enemies on his own, he thought of the girls who waited for them, he thought of the children who were clueless of everything, he thought of Chrome who was trying to survive on her own without Mukuro, he thought of Mukuro whose condition unknown, he thought of the people who was with him now, going into the unknown.
It didn’t matter what kind of man he was in the future, as long as he was worthy of this people that became his friends, his family.