your going to wish you didn't write this invitation
anonymous
March 20 2007, 04:54:10 UTC
i randomly came across your journal in a bright eyes community. you don't even know me anyways. how could i resist.
i've never cheated on anyone i've never intentionally caused pain.
but i do have regrets...
sometimes there are memories so wild that you wish they could be weeded out of your garden. you convince yourself they are not real. my early childhood sexual education are among the most painful of them all.
when my friend and i discovered our 'erections' he convinced me to show him mine. i remember how oddly shaped his was because he was uncircumcised. i thought it was like a funny turtle.
that night we rubbed ourselves in our pyjamas, side by side sharing a bed. it was the kind of exuberant child sleep over behaviour that had gotten out of hand. i felt so ashamed. i knew i wasn't a homosexual. in fact i was a very strong christian and i felt i had done something evil. i felt that god would never forgive me.
for 3 weeks strong i cried myself to sleep. hot tears streaming down my pillow. i shut myself up tight so nobody would hear. but they did hear. my mother knew, i think she knew all along, and as she sat outside with her soft hair nodding on the door, she said my name. she set me free. i came outside and i told her everything that had happened between my friend.
she was obviously shocked, and i think she told a.j.'s parents. but anyways a.j. certainly never confronted me about the issue. as the years trod on our friendship passed into anonymity. somehow i think my body never forgot him.
sharing sexual experiences in this naive way is a part of growing up. these stories are as innoccuous as our adolescence, and to think i've spent my entire life trying to forget them. its sad that we always outlaw even the most innocent and accidental sexual behaviour.
i've never cheated on anyone
i've never intentionally caused pain.
but i do have regrets...
sometimes there are memories so wild that you wish they could be weeded out of your garden. you convince yourself they are not real. my early childhood sexual education are among the most painful of them all.
when my friend and i discovered our 'erections' he convinced me to show him mine. i remember how oddly shaped his was because he was uncircumcised. i thought it was like a funny turtle.
that night we rubbed ourselves in our pyjamas, side by side sharing a bed. it was the kind of exuberant child sleep over behaviour that had gotten out of hand. i felt so ashamed. i knew i wasn't a homosexual. in fact i was a very strong christian and i felt i had done something evil. i felt that god would never forgive me.
for 3 weeks strong i cried myself to sleep. hot tears streaming down my pillow. i shut myself up tight so nobody would hear. but they did hear. my mother knew, i think she knew all along, and as she sat outside with her soft hair nodding on the door, she said my name. she set me free. i came outside and i told her everything that had happened between my friend.
she was obviously shocked, and i think she told a.j.'s parents. but anyways a.j. certainly never confronted me about the issue. as the years trod on our friendship passed into anonymity. somehow i think my body never forgot him.
sharing sexual experiences in this naive way is a part of growing up.
these stories are as innoccuous as our adolescence, and to think i've spent my entire life trying to forget them. its sad that we always outlaw even the most innocent and accidental sexual behaviour.
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