I tell you this old heart is covered in glue
I've been thinking, with the demise of yet another 'relationship' that there really isn't any point. I'm becoming more and more disillusioned. Whats the fucking point? I'm not sure how many more times I can meet someone new, go through the motions of opening up, sifting through all the shit that you hold inside you, sharing it, reliving it, rehashing all the pain, only for it to be thrown back at you when the other person decides that they would really rather just be friends.
This time I'm confused and I really want to fight for a fucking answer as to why, but there's no bloody point. Men are so elusive with their feelings.
you said I must eat so many lemons because I am so bitter oh yes...I am feeling pretty bitter at this moment.
I don't need anyone. But the desire to connect with someone is irrational and inexplicable. I guess it's human nature to find a mate, to find someone that you can pass time with and ultimately grow old with. Someone to share joy and sadness with, someone that evokes emotions in you, who holds you up and makes you feel spectacular.
I don't feel spectacular, I'm still recovering from the wreck that Robin turned me into. One day I was his everything and the next he told me he'd been with someone else and would rather stay with her. The things he said to me on occasions made me feel minuscule and pathetic, they made me doubt the person that I am. Maybe he was right, maybe I'm not the person I think I am. Maybe I'm just horribly rubbish in relationships?..I'm not sure what I need to change about myself or my 'tactics' to make the next one work. I'm just scared to think about how many nexts there is going to be..how long I'll have to continue this cycle. It scares me. I'm terrified of more feelings and more rejection.
So that's why I'm giving up. I'm going to gather the broken shards of my confidence, remind myself that I'm not so bad really and just keep plodding on. Plenty of people go through life on their own, loneliness is just a state of mind.
This time I'm confused and I really want to fight for a fucking answer as to why, but there's no bloody point. Men are so elusive with their feelings.
you said I must eat so many lemons because I am so bitter oh yes...I am feeling pretty bitter at this moment.
I don't need anyone. But the desire to connect with someone is irrational and inexplicable. I guess it's human nature to find a mate, to find someone that you can pass time with and ultimately grow old with. Someone to share joy and sadness with, someone that evokes emotions in you, who holds you up and makes you feel spectacular.
I don't feel spectacular, I'm still recovering from the wreck that Robin turned me into. One day I was his everything and the next he told me he'd been with someone else and would rather stay with her. The things he said to me on occasions made me feel minuscule and pathetic, they made me doubt the person that I am. Maybe he was right, maybe I'm not the person I think I am. Maybe I'm just horribly rubbish in relationships?..I'm not sure what I need to change about myself or my 'tactics' to make the next one work. I'm just scared to think about how many nexts there is going to be..how long I'll have to continue this cycle. It scares me. I'm terrified of more feelings and more rejection.
So that's why I'm giving up. I'm going to gather the broken shards of my confidence, remind myself that I'm not so bad really and just keep plodding on. Plenty of people go through life on their own, loneliness is just a state of mind.