what i learned this summer
I guess I should probably update. I mean, I go so long in between entries, I start feeling guilty. I've been writing in a different journal. I guess it's not really a journal...it's more like a daily letter to my husband. I just realized I was forgetting stupid little things that happen between us. A couple times a week something special will happen and I think to myself, "I never want to forget this moment." Inevitably, I do forget. I didn't realize how much I forgot until I read a large portion of my old journal. So I was inspired to start something new. Maybe eventually I will put it into a book for him. But I’m getting a little ahead of myself. He doesn’t know anything about it.
I have to say, this summer flew by. It seems like we did so much running around that it was hard to catch my breath. At the same time it was a summer of self discovery and learning. I learned how strong I can be. How much I can handle. I learned my IQ level. And I’m not talking about the knowledge test, it's what I call the "I Quit" level. I found out that it was higher than I gave myself credit for. I didn't walk away from difficulties. As a matter of fact, I faced them head on and I was honest about my feelings. And by the way, the IQ level has nothing to do with my marriage. I haven't once thought about quitting on that.
I've spent a lot of time over the last couple months really focusing on my friendships. And not how they impact me and make a difference in my life, but how I can unselfishly give myself to others. I’ve read a lot of books and have been working on it daily. I’ve studied the concept of “being a good friend”. The no-strings kind of friendship. I tell you what, it's an amazing feeling to know you're making a difference in other peoples' lives.
I've also said goodbye to some friendships. I heard a while back that people are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Some of those seasons are over now. Although it seems sad, I have come to terms with it and feel at peace with it.
There was a younger girl who was involved with our business. Her boyfriend was actively involved and she was around for a good year. When her and her boyfriend broke up, she walked away and shut me out. She couldn't separate our business with our friendship and unfortunately, it's hard to keep a friendship going when one participant isn't trying at all. It broke my heart because I had spent months pouring into her and loving her. I just spoke to her the other day after months of nothing. I found out she’s getting married this weekend. They started dating probably 6 months ago. She didn’t invite me because she didn’t want me to feel awkward, considering the fact I’m still good friends with her ex boyfriend.
When I look at that situation, I realize she was in my life for a reason. She provided me with someone to serve unconditionally and love and help. She kept me excited about our business and our future. She inspired me to be a better person and learn how to be a better leader. Now, I feel like I barely know her, but thank God she was placed in my life for that time period. I hope I provided her with as much as she gave me.
Anyway, this post is heading in all different directions.
I finished a book last night called Letters to Karen. It’s a compilation of letters a father wrote to his daughter when she got engaged, trying to provide wisdom to her as she entered married life. It’s a little old fashioned in some areas, but in others, I thought it was spot on. One thing I read to Ninja last night was “Sex begins at breakfast.” The father was a minister and he counseled many couples. One lady told him how for women, sex begins at breakfast because the whole day can be used as foreplay. If Ninja is loving and present all day, I am much more eager to rock him at night. If there is any turmoil during the day, I feel disconnected and it’s harder to get into that zone. So when I read him that quote last night, he nodded like he understood. Ten minutes later, he was in the kitchen making dinner. Come to find out, he made French toast, hashbrowns, and eggs! I laughed so hard when I realized what he was doing. Needless to say, sex started immediately after breakfast in that case. ;)
I set a personal goal for myself. As you all know, we own our own business where we market for big companies on the internet. One part of the business for me is selling makeup and jewelry. I set a goal to save $2000 from my retail profit to buy my sister her first car. She has no idea. I want to purchase it then pick her up and have her drive. When we are done driving around, I want to ask her if she likes it. If she does like “our new car”, I just want to hand her the keys and give it to her. Ninja agreed with my idea, so I’m trying really hard to sell it quickly to make that happen soon. It is a lot of fun to set goals like that because when I set selfish goals, I barely get off my butt to do anything about it.
Anyway....I'm rambled long enough. Hope everyone is enjoying fall. :)
*hugs*
S.