Thoughts
Yesterday morning in the pool (I've been there 3 times this week already) I was thinking about this weight-loss journey I am on. I remembered how I had read that I should visualise where I want to go/what I want to be, as a motivation thing. So I decided to try and put myself into the feeling of being thin (something that's hard to do because I haven't been thin since I was about 19). I was trying to work out what would be different.
I guess for many years I have always thought "if I am thin, I will be a happy person", or "if I get thin, I will be successful". But yesterday I tried to put myself into those "thin" shoes... and I realised that I will be the same - same person, no better, no worse. Fitter, yes, able to do things I can't do now, probably more confident. But apart from that, I will be the same person.
But then that got me thinking about the weightloss groups I have been involved with over the years. And this is no offence whatsoever to anyone in them, but they are full of the viewpoint "I am disgusting now - I will be happy and a real person when I get thin". Its like we buy into the 'fat people don't deserve to be happy' view that so many people seem to have. Being overweight diminishes us as people, in the eyes of the world ... but more importantly, in my own eyes. So this was my big insight - that it's not ignorant people that are the problem, its my own attitude!
There will always be people around like Leith (Ken's friend) who have issues with anyone who is not stick thin, or the kids yesterday at school who followed me along saying "she's got a big bum". But I should have been able to say "so what? you have a big nose, you have black hair, that's what makes us individuals". But instead I buy into it and think (subconsciously of course) "yep they are right, I'm less of a person than they are because I'm overweight". Why is being overweight the most terrible thing that anyone can be, in so many people's minds?
So I realise that its my problem (and the problem of many people like me) because I have been guilty of thinking that being thin = being a better person, being happy, being worthwhile. I know the health benefits, I know how much better I feel but there are aspects of this attitude that are just wrong. I remember recently on a list I was on for weight watching, how one woman went on about how 'disgusting' she was for being overweight. At the time I thought she was incredibly insensitive, as there were people on the list who weighed more than she did ... but when I thought about it more I realised she's just brainwashed like we all are - so often weight defines our worth as a person, and it shouldn't!
I read somewhere else an interesting observation that women who will happily expose themselves to strangers for brazillian waxes, often won't tell their best friends their weight. It's such a social stigma. A friend of mine expressed concern this week because I have been overdoing it in the pool, and I have been so sore all week. He said "I wouldnt want you to think that it doesnt matter and you should just quit now, because you are working hard towards a goal you have set yourself. But it does worry me sometimes when you push yourself to the max which isnt doing you any good." And I realise that somewhere in my head there is a sort of frantic "if I don't do this, I won't lose weight this week (and I will stay socially unacceptable)".
Hmmm ... basically I have decided to stop living life as if the answer is going to come along when I hit a magic number, or fit into a certain dress size. It's been a process, I no longer think like that most of the time, but there is still parts of it in me, and I guess I need to get my head issues about weightloss straight as I am on the journey.
Ok I will get off my soapbox now :)
I guess for many years I have always thought "if I am thin, I will be a happy person", or "if I get thin, I will be successful". But yesterday I tried to put myself into those "thin" shoes... and I realised that I will be the same - same person, no better, no worse. Fitter, yes, able to do things I can't do now, probably more confident. But apart from that, I will be the same person.
But then that got me thinking about the weightloss groups I have been involved with over the years. And this is no offence whatsoever to anyone in them, but they are full of the viewpoint "I am disgusting now - I will be happy and a real person when I get thin". Its like we buy into the 'fat people don't deserve to be happy' view that so many people seem to have. Being overweight diminishes us as people, in the eyes of the world ... but more importantly, in my own eyes. So this was my big insight - that it's not ignorant people that are the problem, its my own attitude!
There will always be people around like Leith (Ken's friend) who have issues with anyone who is not stick thin, or the kids yesterday at school who followed me along saying "she's got a big bum". But I should have been able to say "so what? you have a big nose, you have black hair, that's what makes us individuals". But instead I buy into it and think (subconsciously of course) "yep they are right, I'm less of a person than they are because I'm overweight". Why is being overweight the most terrible thing that anyone can be, in so many people's minds?
So I realise that its my problem (and the problem of many people like me) because I have been guilty of thinking that being thin = being a better person, being happy, being worthwhile. I know the health benefits, I know how much better I feel but there are aspects of this attitude that are just wrong. I remember recently on a list I was on for weight watching, how one woman went on about how 'disgusting' she was for being overweight. At the time I thought she was incredibly insensitive, as there were people on the list who weighed more than she did ... but when I thought about it more I realised she's just brainwashed like we all are - so often weight defines our worth as a person, and it shouldn't!
I read somewhere else an interesting observation that women who will happily expose themselves to strangers for brazillian waxes, often won't tell their best friends their weight. It's such a social stigma. A friend of mine expressed concern this week because I have been overdoing it in the pool, and I have been so sore all week. He said "I wouldnt want you to think that it doesnt matter and you should just quit now, because you are working hard towards a goal you have set yourself. But it does worry me sometimes when you push yourself to the max which isnt doing you any good." And I realise that somewhere in my head there is a sort of frantic "if I don't do this, I won't lose weight this week (and I will stay socially unacceptable)".
Hmmm ... basically I have decided to stop living life as if the answer is going to come along when I hit a magic number, or fit into a certain dress size. It's been a process, I no longer think like that most of the time, but there is still parts of it in me, and I guess I need to get my head issues about weightloss straight as I am on the journey.
Ok I will get off my soapbox now :)