hms
sometimes i wish someone would just reach out to my brother. i know i can't do it. i was really sad that today in prayer, everyone forgot to pray fo my bro. yea i know, i should be the one praying fo my bro. but hey, i still feel weird in this group. i'm learning.... but yea... when they forgot to pray fo my bro, my eyes started to well up. of course, being me, i tried super hard to suck it up and i did.
neways... so yea after that ... jon changed the meeting to be at his room. i really wanted it to be in our room, which it was suppose to. but i think i was really pissed off when jon was joking around saying "hey... we're gonna do it in our [my] room... im the president ... " ooh did that push my button.
just got an IM from my cousin ...
C: why didnt you go to anh's party?
C: van was there.
C: anyways, it just sucks that you didnt make an effort to make it to her party
C: good night.
sighs... it's not that i didnt make an effort to go to her party... i was at skool this weekend. i was welcome week assistant ... needed to stay at skool 'cuz i had things to do. and i really needed a break from HOME... didn't have a good time the week b4 i moved in... ish w/ parents.... ive been so bz since skool started.. i'd made plans for that in advance. i wanted to go. i feel bad, cuz anh [bday girl] thinks that i was ignoring her calls or seomthing? i dont have reception in my room, so i get my messages like way later, when i take my phone out of my room, out of this side of SPROUL at least ... she thinks i was lying when ignore her IM, cuz she said she IM me when i wasnt idled.. the thing is, i wasnt at my computer at that time... i turned off that idle thing, too... so ill never be idle. skools been a little crazy since welcome week...perks of moving in early? u gotta work.. become a WWA. and stupid me... i icalled her sunday morning to tell her tha ti couldnt mamke it because i was at skool which was true... but the dumb thing is, that i didnt even know that sunday was her actual bday, for some reason i thought sunday was the 2nd... at least that is what i wrote in my journal when i was writing down sermon notes... i know i really hurt her... i never thought she actually wanted me to be there... or expected me too at least... i dunnos, maybe bcuz in the past .... eh.. i dunnos.. ... but i know one thing fo sho, i screwed up and i hurt her. but yea.. i know when i call her 2morrow, she prolly wont believe me... it makes things a lot worse when i mixed up the dates and thought sunday was still the 2nd. i wanted to go... i did, just i guess a lot things conflicted... i wish skoo wouldve started earlier, or her bday later... i guess everything happens for a reason... it doesnt matter much now... because all i know is that i hurt her, and i feel horrible... i dont think i can really make it up to her... it's one of those things that u'll prolly end up remembering... all i can do is pray
things been so hectic. josh yang talking to me about prayer thing... and me trying to get involved in iCC, aPHIo... and be more involved in IV. i've been hurt by IV, but i guess God's putting me here now to learn and grow... i wish there was 48 hrs in a day... ahh and on wed... ACA first meeting...
sighs, finances... i hate it. im short approx 1000 each quarter.. i gotta work my butt off now to make 1000 each quarter to pay fo skooling. stupid financial aid. parents didnt want me to borrow a lot, infact they wanted me to not borrow at all... but i borrowed a bit, but not enuff...
man.. now that everythings quiet... im justl ooking back at the week... i've hurt my parents this week too... altho they don't show it, i know i hurt them. i've been so antsy figety stressed ... that my feelings have turned into unpleasant actions... and man, my parents tolerating it... usually they just yell at me or get upset.. but they didnt show ne sign of it.. they still love me... and my bro's been upset w/ me too... i absolutely get no reception in my dorm... and all the times my family have called me, i've missed them all, i dont get it until a few hrs later and by that time its late... stupid phone service contract wont end until JAN 05. i need a new one sooon.
ah, i just needa break from everything... and do i mean everthing... even tho skoo just started, im overwhelmed w/ all the 247la.org thing, voteandpray.com, campuschurch.net, figuring out my major, and evertying thats kiling me right now.. my friggen schedule. fcurrently enrolled in 4 classes + odditting one = 5 frikken classes. i need to figure out what imma do soon, like which one im going to drop!
i just remember what my bro caleb said... "u can never be too busy for your family" ... the one thing i learned from caleb... and guess what, i let my busyness take control of what i shouldve/couldve been doing w/ my family
Father, help me. I can't do alone...
neways... so yea after that ... jon changed the meeting to be at his room. i really wanted it to be in our room, which it was suppose to. but i think i was really pissed off when jon was joking around saying "hey... we're gonna do it in our [my] room... im the president ... " ooh did that push my button.
just got an IM from my cousin ...
C: why didnt you go to anh's party?
C: van was there.
C: anyways, it just sucks that you didnt make an effort to make it to her party
C: good night.
sighs... it's not that i didnt make an effort to go to her party... i was at skool this weekend. i was welcome week assistant ... needed to stay at skool 'cuz i had things to do. and i really needed a break from HOME... didn't have a good time the week b4 i moved in... ish w/ parents.... ive been so bz since skool started.. i'd made plans for that in advance. i wanted to go. i feel bad, cuz anh [bday girl] thinks that i was ignoring her calls or seomthing? i dont have reception in my room, so i get my messages like way later, when i take my phone out of my room, out of this side of SPROUL at least ... she thinks i was lying when ignore her IM, cuz she said she IM me when i wasnt idled.. the thing is, i wasnt at my computer at that time... i turned off that idle thing, too... so ill never be idle. skools been a little crazy since welcome week...perks of moving in early? u gotta work.. become a WWA. and stupid me... i icalled her sunday morning to tell her tha ti couldnt mamke it because i was at skool which was true... but the dumb thing is, that i didnt even know that sunday was her actual bday, for some reason i thought sunday was the 2nd... at least that is what i wrote in my journal when i was writing down sermon notes... i know i really hurt her... i never thought she actually wanted me to be there... or expected me too at least... i dunnos, maybe bcuz in the past .... eh.. i dunnos.. ... but i know one thing fo sho, i screwed up and i hurt her. but yea.. i know when i call her 2morrow, she prolly wont believe me... it makes things a lot worse when i mixed up the dates and thought sunday was still the 2nd. i wanted to go... i did, just i guess a lot things conflicted... i wish skoo wouldve started earlier, or her bday later... i guess everything happens for a reason... it doesnt matter much now... because all i know is that i hurt her, and i feel horrible... i dont think i can really make it up to her... it's one of those things that u'll prolly end up remembering... all i can do is pray
things been so hectic. josh yang talking to me about prayer thing... and me trying to get involved in iCC, aPHIo... and be more involved in IV. i've been hurt by IV, but i guess God's putting me here now to learn and grow... i wish there was 48 hrs in a day... ahh and on wed... ACA first meeting...
sighs, finances... i hate it. im short approx 1000 each quarter.. i gotta work my butt off now to make 1000 each quarter to pay fo skooling. stupid financial aid. parents didnt want me to borrow a lot, infact they wanted me to not borrow at all... but i borrowed a bit, but not enuff...
man.. now that everythings quiet... im justl ooking back at the week... i've hurt my parents this week too... altho they don't show it, i know i hurt them. i've been so antsy figety stressed ... that my feelings have turned into unpleasant actions... and man, my parents tolerating it... usually they just yell at me or get upset.. but they didnt show ne sign of it.. they still love me... and my bro's been upset w/ me too... i absolutely get no reception in my dorm... and all the times my family have called me, i've missed them all, i dont get it until a few hrs later and by that time its late... stupid phone service contract wont end until JAN 05. i need a new one sooon.
ah, i just needa break from everything... and do i mean everthing... even tho skoo just started, im overwhelmed w/ all the 247la.org thing, voteandpray.com, campuschurch.net, figuring out my major, and evertying thats kiling me right now.. my friggen schedule. fcurrently enrolled in 4 classes + odditting one = 5 frikken classes. i need to figure out what imma do soon, like which one im going to drop!
i just remember what my bro caleb said... "u can never be too busy for your family" ... the one thing i learned from caleb... and guess what, i let my busyness take control of what i shouldve/couldve been doing w/ my family
Father, help me. I can't do alone...