(no subject)
Hey everyone,
I just got off the phone and I thought i'd update this.
I'm home for all of you who do not know. I've been home for a few days now.
Anyways school is starting in 5 days and I'm going to be getting real busy with yearbook/school/possibly my job and potianlly my social life lol. Anyways I did a lot of thinking while I was out West, and I've come to some conclusions, and some ideas and defiently priorities I need to get into place this yr. As Brittany would say, have our ducks in a row and not scattered all thru the pond ahah. Anyways I figured something out tonight. And I've desided to an extent to stop trying to just give up on Tyler. Shocking yes, I can only imagine the faces and boo's I'm gettin right now haha. But seriously I hate that I've let so many guys walk over me, but this is different. What Tyler did was wrong, and we all know that, himself the most probably. But I have defiently made Tyler feel very bad for it. There was alcohol involved, a needy chick and shit went down. Everyone has faults, and everyone makes mistakes. Now I'm not going to actaully say what all happened, because most people know and well I can't even say that he cheated on me, because we weren't officailly together, but he was my world truly. Anyways why I'm bringing this up, is because I was talkin to someone about what happened between Tyler and myself, and this guy said, I don't no what you see in him, but you must be seeing something you like. And for once I actaully came back with an answer that I've never really been able to verbalize, atleast not to that extent. Just how much I want to walk away from Tyler, and just turn my back on him, I don't want to give up on what we have...and I don't mean our relationship on a physical note, but what he has become to be as a friend. Anyways this is what I told the guy who I was talking to tonight, my reasons for seein so much in Tyler. What I see in him, is that
he has a really big heart, and treats me for the most part really well, he'll do anything for his friends, and no matter what kinda shit he's going thur and has on his mind, he'll always listen when you need him...thats what i see in him truly, he might not seem like that to you, cause you'reanother guy and have never really hung out with him one on one, but he's a sweetheart he is...maybe i give to much sumtimes, and maybe im blinded to the fact of sum of the things he does, but when you just except sumone for who they are, and don't try to change them, you fall inlove with them and not how they act, and not how you want them to act, it just, stuff falls into place. Also we've always had so much shit thrown at us, and we've gotten thru a lot of shit together, he's become my bestfriend and i mean hes always tried to make stuff work, if i stop he continues or vice versa...i think thats why. I really don't no what is going to happen between Tyler and myself, it's hard because I still love him to death, we're just friends right now, and I do really like that. I mean what happened at that party sorta put a wedge to an extent between us...I mean I forgave him and everything, but it's not going to be the same for a long time, or even ever really.
I think all you guys(good friends) no that I am very passionate about life and don't like giveing up. I'm not one to leave a friend hanging, and I've always been willing to go out of my way for you guys. Thats why I hope all of you can support me in my desicions thus forth. I might not always make the right ones, the best ones, or the correct ones, but noing you guys are going to be there when I fall means a lot to me. I don't always know what to do, or even what I'm doing haha, but I do know for the most part you guys are always there for me :0). This entry is sorta all over the place, but it makes sence to me. I just guess, how much life throws at me, how hard things seems to get, I really don't want to give up, or give in, and thats why I get so depressed lately, because I keep letting life get me down, and I never used to do that. Anyways I'm rambling. I just wanted to leave a small note about what actaully goes thur my head about Tyler...and its sad when I think that I would take him back in a heartbeat if I didn't mind getting hurt. But I don't want to put myself in those situations anymore. I still want to be close with him, and I guess, friends is going to have to do...it should be easier this time, because I'm chossing it this time, not him. Even tho, he's so much stronger then me in this department its sad. I threw my selfcontrol out the window when I fell inlove with Tyler. Anyways it's like 3:50 I should jet to bed. Stupid Tyler buying me coffee at like 11pm :0). haha it's my fault for asking for it.
Anyways hope everyone had a good night, and that everyone is using there last days of freedome wisely :0)
Quote - If you have a screen door, and no screen, you're a redneck! Tyson :0)
LiL SwEeT PeA
I just got off the phone and I thought i'd update this.
I'm home for all of you who do not know. I've been home for a few days now.
Anyways school is starting in 5 days and I'm going to be getting real busy with yearbook/school/possibly my job and potianlly my social life lol. Anyways I did a lot of thinking while I was out West, and I've come to some conclusions, and some ideas and defiently priorities I need to get into place this yr. As Brittany would say, have our ducks in a row and not scattered all thru the pond ahah. Anyways I figured something out tonight. And I've desided to an extent to stop trying to just give up on Tyler. Shocking yes, I can only imagine the faces and boo's I'm gettin right now haha. But seriously I hate that I've let so many guys walk over me, but this is different. What Tyler did was wrong, and we all know that, himself the most probably. But I have defiently made Tyler feel very bad for it. There was alcohol involved, a needy chick and shit went down. Everyone has faults, and everyone makes mistakes. Now I'm not going to actaully say what all happened, because most people know and well I can't even say that he cheated on me, because we weren't officailly together, but he was my world truly. Anyways why I'm bringing this up, is because I was talkin to someone about what happened between Tyler and myself, and this guy said, I don't no what you see in him, but you must be seeing something you like. And for once I actaully came back with an answer that I've never really been able to verbalize, atleast not to that extent. Just how much I want to walk away from Tyler, and just turn my back on him, I don't want to give up on what we have...and I don't mean our relationship on a physical note, but what he has become to be as a friend. Anyways this is what I told the guy who I was talking to tonight, my reasons for seein so much in Tyler. What I see in him, is that
he has a really big heart, and treats me for the most part really well, he'll do anything for his friends, and no matter what kinda shit he's going thur and has on his mind, he'll always listen when you need him...thats what i see in him truly, he might not seem like that to you, cause you'reanother guy and have never really hung out with him one on one, but he's a sweetheart he is...maybe i give to much sumtimes, and maybe im blinded to the fact of sum of the things he does, but when you just except sumone for who they are, and don't try to change them, you fall inlove with them and not how they act, and not how you want them to act, it just, stuff falls into place. Also we've always had so much shit thrown at us, and we've gotten thru a lot of shit together, he's become my bestfriend and i mean hes always tried to make stuff work, if i stop he continues or vice versa...i think thats why. I really don't no what is going to happen between Tyler and myself, it's hard because I still love him to death, we're just friends right now, and I do really like that. I mean what happened at that party sorta put a wedge to an extent between us...I mean I forgave him and everything, but it's not going to be the same for a long time, or even ever really.
I think all you guys(good friends) no that I am very passionate about life and don't like giveing up. I'm not one to leave a friend hanging, and I've always been willing to go out of my way for you guys. Thats why I hope all of you can support me in my desicions thus forth. I might not always make the right ones, the best ones, or the correct ones, but noing you guys are going to be there when I fall means a lot to me. I don't always know what to do, or even what I'm doing haha, but I do know for the most part you guys are always there for me :0). This entry is sorta all over the place, but it makes sence to me. I just guess, how much life throws at me, how hard things seems to get, I really don't want to give up, or give in, and thats why I get so depressed lately, because I keep letting life get me down, and I never used to do that. Anyways I'm rambling. I just wanted to leave a small note about what actaully goes thur my head about Tyler...and its sad when I think that I would take him back in a heartbeat if I didn't mind getting hurt. But I don't want to put myself in those situations anymore. I still want to be close with him, and I guess, friends is going to have to do...it should be easier this time, because I'm chossing it this time, not him. Even tho, he's so much stronger then me in this department its sad. I threw my selfcontrol out the window when I fell inlove with Tyler. Anyways it's like 3:50 I should jet to bed. Stupid Tyler buying me coffee at like 11pm :0). haha it's my fault for asking for it.
Anyways hope everyone had a good night, and that everyone is using there last days of freedome wisely :0)
Quote - If you have a screen door, and no screen, you're a redneck! Tyson :0)
LiL SwEeT PeA