I can't play mind games, it's never got me anywhere, and it never will.

[lil_sweet_pea]

Well it's official. I can't stand it anymore, it's over....100%. This shit has gone to far and frankly I've let him walk over me too long. I'm too young, and people keep telling me i'm to pretty to be put thru this shit. He just really doesn't understand the lenghts I would go for him, what I've sacrificed to be with him, the people I've hurt. He seriously took what I did for him for granted and I was just his conviences. Again I was nieve and just let a guy play me for a fool. I can't stand this I'm too friggen nice sometimes, and I give to much to guys. STOP TAKING ME FOR GRANTED JACKASS'S. He makes me want to break down and cry becasue I fucking care for him so much I love his stupid ass. I saw past everything and just took him as he was, besides the smoking I don't think I tried to change him. And he doesn't even want to smoke anyways. Why do I even care anymore the fucking bastard is out of my life. I'm not waiting any longer, I'm too damn happy. Seriously even thru all the shit he put me thru I still looked at it all positivly. I still went out with my friends and God you guys rock. Tonight Britt you were amazing, I couldn't ask for a better time. You put up with my shit so much, you've heard all of this so many times...but seriously I said up there that I love him ...I don't think I do anymore...because he took everything from me, absolutly everything I had to give. And he's ruined guys for me...and the worse part is I feel bad writing this about him, cause fuck he was a sweetheart. But frig Tyler you can't make both of us happy, and yes you were with Erin for 4 years but you're not fucking with her anymore...and i've stood by your side and listened to you bitch about how she's ruined your life, and how you wasted 4 years and how you wish she'd go to hell, and that you're life would have been so much better if she wasn't in it. ANd then you go on how I'm so great, and beautiful, and you can't understand why I want to be with you and how I'm so understandable and all that shit. ANd you no what, I tried, I pushed, I pulled, I did everything possibly and now you've lost it, cause I'm not going to be understandable anymore...I want to be your friend, but fuck I can't even be seen with you for one minute without you gettin chewed out later that night, becuase you're ex is a crazy immature 20 year old who doesn't realize that she can't control you anymore even tho you let her, like i let you control me...why do you think I always came back to you...Seriously I don't understand what more I could give, and I'm sorry I'm fucking 16...I'm sorry I'm not what you want...I'm sorry I'm not her. I'm not going to say you never loved me because believe me when I say, I've looked into your eyes, I've heard you cry, I've talked to you tell 3am when we both have school in and morn and I've felt your arms aroundme when you missed me...I no you loved me...but I just don't think you loved me enuf. Because Erin was always in the back of your mind, you didn't love me enuf to get over her...I tried to help you...I really understood why you wanted to be with erin...I know that she means a lot to you and you don't want her to get hurt...I realized that 4 yrs is a lot to be with a person. But the thing is , you can't get over her, not because of anything she says, it's because you don't want to ...you don't want to move on. But I'm not being a part of this anymore...I'm not being there to make you happy when you need to...i've said it before it's either 100% or nothing. And you showed me today that nothing works better for you...the other night when you were with me and I was sleeping over, and you're liek I'm just gonna see if erin mgs me back. I was ok with that, but when you didn't come back up stairs you don't even understand how hurt I felt...I wasn't mad...I was hurt, seriously hurt, I was praying to fall asleep so I dind't have to talk to you when you came up, because I felt like nothing...I seriously felt like I was just there cause Erin couldn't be. I'm not going to put myself up on a pedastol and say you've just lost the best thing you ever had, because I simple no I would be lieing. Cause obviously the best thing you lost was Erin. You don't notice it but when you talk about her, you're in your own lil place...and you try to be nice and not talk about it in front of me, but I no, I no that she still has a very big part of your heart, and the reason why you get so mad after you do stuff for her is becasue you do't get the recognition you deserve and your not with her...its like deep down, subconiously you're trying to impress her, be nice enuf so she'll stop bitching and you guys can get back to your normal life. You guys were basically married, and she did love you, and thats why she hates me, because she still loves you...seriously Tyler, theres no other way to make sence of it. No girl in her right mind would get that pissed, and hold it this long if she still didn't have deep feeling for you. I've been tehre, Jeremy liked Sarah be4 we broke up, then 3 weeks later they hooked up. I've never uttered a bad word about Sarah, because I didn't love Jeremy anymore. And they were happy. Erin's not happy and she dones't want you to be either. Fuck you guys are so screwed up its not even funny,and I'm so glad I'm not a part of this anymore, because it's been bullshit from the beginning. And I cna't blame you a lot cause you've told me from day one, that A. you still had feelings for erin B. You didn't want a relationship and C. no matter how much you loved me it couldn't happen. Why did I stayed so long you ask? Because I loved you enuf that no matter what happened I was willing to try and make it happen. Eventhing we've been thru, and all the shit i've gotten into...what do I have to show for it...nothing...except the people in my life saying "I told you so" and beleive me there are a lot. Funny story, I feel in love with this boy, and all my friends said get rid of him, he's no good, my co-workers told me, you're to young for that, you don't need a guy like that in your life, my mother said, he's going to bring you down what does he have going for him, my brother said he's going no where you can do better...and even tho everyone in my life told me no, I said yes with a smile, and denied everything they said, and I stood up for you everytime and told them, You don't no Tyler, hes a great guy. He makes me smile, and oh so very happy. Everytime, every single bloody time, I defended you, and said no he's really trying, he has plans. Just stop letting people get you down Tyler, and focus for once in your life, focus on what you fucking want and not what anyone else wants. Fucking forget about me and move on, it won't be that difficult anymore...I'm erasing everything slowly...that's why I've been telling you lately the memories are fading from the summer. There not fading, I'm trying to forget. Maybe 10 yrs down the road, we'll meet up, and you'll be married with kids, and we'll talk and we'll laugh about this whole childish experence, when we were both too young to try and be serious. I'll be able to call you my friend and it will all be ok

*To that wonderful summer when we were inseperable and nothing mattered but you and me together...I was you're sweetheart and you were my absolute everything...those days are gone...and we're different people, no more sweetheart, and no way you're my absolute everything...it's ruined the innocents is gone.

~Tiffany J. Williams~