I should really be asleep, but...
The thing I usually like most about a person, is their imperfections. Maybe its because that's what makes them who they really are. Maybe its because by letting me see this imperfect side, i know they trust me and love me. Perhaps, it is even because I see the imperfection and still care about them, realizing myself that maybe they care about me the same way. Whatever the reason may be, imperfection is beautiful. It is art within itself. Imagine if Picasso had been perfect.
The reason I hate human beings, is because we don't see the beauty in it. We are too consumed w/ being that ideal of perfection that doesn't exist. We get surgery, slave away in schools, get big fat paychecks and all for what? In the end you have a beautiful corpse, a few diplomas to be given to your next of kin, and money so your children grow up not knowing a hard days work. We mutilate it and nearly destroy that which I find so breath taking. I think the rest of the world misses out on this viewpoint.
The past few days have gone so horribly bad that at one point I took pills that I didn't need. Sleeping pills and advil. I was in my bed so upset just wanting to make everything stop. Begging and pleading w/ whatever may be listening. Then it hit me. Other peoples happiness is not my responsibility. If I can rise from the ashes again and again, finding some shred of hope for myself, then why can't they? Why do I have to feel responsible for causing them pain when they have caused me so much? So I made a decision that I would worry about me. At that moment I got out of bed and went to those who made me so upset. With no apology and showing no remorse, I asked them if they wanted to watch a movie with me.
Tonight, somehow, after a day that could have turned out much worse in retrospect, but was terrifying none the less... I found myself in a similar situation. And again... I found my own strength. In my mind I went from helpless and alone, possibly making enemys of a friend yet again, to something else. That same thing occurred again. I took everything wrong and did something useful.
The change in me is from, in my humble opinion, Zen. Not a religion to me... more a guide to life. Slowing modern time down to real time. Looking around you and finding that bigger picture in everything. A real, stop and smell the roses, kinda thing.
Nah, I won't get preachy. I do ask, however, that you look around you and see what is really there. I ask that you take time for yourself to play on a playground, lie in the middle of the road (not a busy one), put mud in your shoes and listen to the squishy sound it makes, or just sit in the middle of the floor and make up an elaborate story only you can understand. Try and find the good in life. As much bad as there is, you have to look past it. Past the facade of perfection to see the wonderful imperfect behind it. It may not seem right. It may not seem good. Its there. As we all are.
A Zen monk once said "Before I became enlightened I was miserable. After I became enlightened, I was still just as miserable." Its not about the ending, its about the journey.
The reason I hate human beings, is because we don't see the beauty in it. We are too consumed w/ being that ideal of perfection that doesn't exist. We get surgery, slave away in schools, get big fat paychecks and all for what? In the end you have a beautiful corpse, a few diplomas to be given to your next of kin, and money so your children grow up not knowing a hard days work. We mutilate it and nearly destroy that which I find so breath taking. I think the rest of the world misses out on this viewpoint.
The past few days have gone so horribly bad that at one point I took pills that I didn't need. Sleeping pills and advil. I was in my bed so upset just wanting to make everything stop. Begging and pleading w/ whatever may be listening. Then it hit me. Other peoples happiness is not my responsibility. If I can rise from the ashes again and again, finding some shred of hope for myself, then why can't they? Why do I have to feel responsible for causing them pain when they have caused me so much? So I made a decision that I would worry about me. At that moment I got out of bed and went to those who made me so upset. With no apology and showing no remorse, I asked them if they wanted to watch a movie with me.
Tonight, somehow, after a day that could have turned out much worse in retrospect, but was terrifying none the less... I found myself in a similar situation. And again... I found my own strength. In my mind I went from helpless and alone, possibly making enemys of a friend yet again, to something else. That same thing occurred again. I took everything wrong and did something useful.
The change in me is from, in my humble opinion, Zen. Not a religion to me... more a guide to life. Slowing modern time down to real time. Looking around you and finding that bigger picture in everything. A real, stop and smell the roses, kinda thing.
Nah, I won't get preachy. I do ask, however, that you look around you and see what is really there. I ask that you take time for yourself to play on a playground, lie in the middle of the road (not a busy one), put mud in your shoes and listen to the squishy sound it makes, or just sit in the middle of the floor and make up an elaborate story only you can understand. Try and find the good in life. As much bad as there is, you have to look past it. Past the facade of perfection to see the wonderful imperfect behind it. It may not seem right. It may not seem good. Its there. As we all are.
A Zen monk once said "Before I became enlightened I was miserable. After I became enlightened, I was still just as miserable." Its not about the ending, its about the journey.