I just need to get as far away as possible!
Two days this week were really good days, no specific reason, i just had a really good night's sleep and it made for a good day the next day. Then of course, just like it always does, things started going down hill really fast! My mom and I, of course are fighting again, she just blew up on my yesturday and i just snapped, i just started saying shit that wasnt even making sense, ugh i dont know what happened, i think i just have had enough of her bullshit and it was just the moment. Well she kept calling me and i kept hanging up on her and telling her i didnt want to talk, eventually she tried apologizing but i hung up on her again. My mom is crazy, there is something seriously wrong with her, she needs help. She puts on a show infront of everyone but when its just her and i, its all out war. Sophomore year there was a lot of tension between us too because we got into a fight and she ended up slapping me and i punched her, and then i wouldnt stop, again i just snapped, i have so much built up anger inside that when me and her get into a fight i just dont stop yelling.
Then last night my dad kinda got me pissed off, he tells me not to lie to him, and yeah i have lied to him, but i havent since the last time. So that got me going again too and i started crying and saying how i cant be here anymore, i just needed to get away, far away. I dont wanna go to MSU its too close to here, its too close to all of my problems. Muskegon is full of fucked up people that when they leave they sober up and work out their problems, but once they come back, they are back to their usual antics, its happened to so many people that have left and come back. I wanna leave and not come back, i wish i could just pack up and go, get the fuck out of here and away from everything that pisses me off and my family, i love, dont get wrong, but i could go without talking to them for a while, especially my mom. I cant exspress what i feel with words, i have too many feelings and not enough words to describe them, its too hard for me to put things into words, thats why i usually dont talk about things cuz then i just get even more stressed out. I guess the whole saying:"actions speak louder than words" comes to mind.
I have so much shit wrong with my life, about 85% of my daily life, well my life period, is all fucked up, nothing is right with me family. My parents are divorced but still fucking fight 24/7. Cant they grow up, and its not my dad, its usually my mom intaginizing, blowing things out of proportion, making accusations about my dad and what hes doing. Who fucking cares?! Live your own life, you two are not married anymore, get over it, you live your life and not worry about him and let him to the same. My dad and i are always sneeking around my mom's back...its not right but its what we have to do. My whole life is sneeking around and just being descrete and im sick of it, im sick of everything, i need to go somewhere...i want to move away. I'm determined to get out of this place.
Then last night my dad kinda got me pissed off, he tells me not to lie to him, and yeah i have lied to him, but i havent since the last time. So that got me going again too and i started crying and saying how i cant be here anymore, i just needed to get away, far away. I dont wanna go to MSU its too close to here, its too close to all of my problems. Muskegon is full of fucked up people that when they leave they sober up and work out their problems, but once they come back, they are back to their usual antics, its happened to so many people that have left and come back. I wanna leave and not come back, i wish i could just pack up and go, get the fuck out of here and away from everything that pisses me off and my family, i love, dont get wrong, but i could go without talking to them for a while, especially my mom. I cant exspress what i feel with words, i have too many feelings and not enough words to describe them, its too hard for me to put things into words, thats why i usually dont talk about things cuz then i just get even more stressed out. I guess the whole saying:"actions speak louder than words" comes to mind.
I have so much shit wrong with my life, about 85% of my daily life, well my life period, is all fucked up, nothing is right with me family. My parents are divorced but still fucking fight 24/7. Cant they grow up, and its not my dad, its usually my mom intaginizing, blowing things out of proportion, making accusations about my dad and what hes doing. Who fucking cares?! Live your own life, you two are not married anymore, get over it, you live your life and not worry about him and let him to the same. My dad and i are always sneeking around my mom's back...its not right but its what we have to do. My whole life is sneeking around and just being descrete and im sick of it, im sick of everything, i need to go somewhere...i want to move away. I'm determined to get out of this place.