Cycles of Reptition
Do you ever have that urge to write... but don't want to in fear of someone's eyes stumbling across it?
Do you ever just want to let it all out, but feel like you have to censor yourself because you know that anything you say will be shot down, mocked or just be met with looks of 'what the hell are you talking about's? Or if not, that it will be talked about behind your back?
Do you ever just want to yell and scream thoughts at people but know they won't care and the comments won't change anything for the better?
...I feel like one of those Bryman College commercials.
But really, it's just how I've felt lately - like nothing that I can say around certain people matters. That everything I say is wrong and the world I'm living in is just a power struggle. I'm struggling with friends, parents, myself. There's no winning, even against myself, and that's just plain sad.
It's hard to stay optimistic at this time of year, even with all the shining lights and decorations and songs of joy.
It's hard to stay optimistic when the one person you thought you could trust is someone who now you constantly doubt is being truthful... and whether or not they're a true friend.
It's hard to stay optimistic while watching a guy you like go back to his ex, although there were feelings there, and instead I sit back and watch it happen and don't fight for it.
It's hard to stay optimistic... when I see myself obsessing over little things like this when people are starving and dying, homeless and helpless... and no one "has the time" to help. Not even me.
I hate the way society today is turning - it's suiting and yet horrible that while our parents were the "baby-boomers" we're known as the "me" generation because that's the only one who matters. A sad yet true reality.
I hate the materialism, the lack of compassion and understanding, the need to always be on the go.
And I hate how I'm sitting here ranting about things that I know I'm guilty of myself.
Self therapy, I suppose. No real meaning, just a need to express what is constantly suppressed.
Do you ever just want to let it all out, but feel like you have to censor yourself because you know that anything you say will be shot down, mocked or just be met with looks of 'what the hell are you talking about's? Or if not, that it will be talked about behind your back?
Do you ever just want to yell and scream thoughts at people but know they won't care and the comments won't change anything for the better?
...I feel like one of those Bryman College commercials.
But really, it's just how I've felt lately - like nothing that I can say around certain people matters. That everything I say is wrong and the world I'm living in is just a power struggle. I'm struggling with friends, parents, myself. There's no winning, even against myself, and that's just plain sad.
It's hard to stay optimistic at this time of year, even with all the shining lights and decorations and songs of joy.
It's hard to stay optimistic when the one person you thought you could trust is someone who now you constantly doubt is being truthful... and whether or not they're a true friend.
It's hard to stay optimistic while watching a guy you like go back to his ex, although there were feelings there, and instead I sit back and watch it happen and don't fight for it.
It's hard to stay optimistic... when I see myself obsessing over little things like this when people are starving and dying, homeless and helpless... and no one "has the time" to help. Not even me.
I hate the way society today is turning - it's suiting and yet horrible that while our parents were the "baby-boomers" we're known as the "me" generation because that's the only one who matters. A sad yet true reality.
I hate the materialism, the lack of compassion and understanding, the need to always be on the go.
And I hate how I'm sitting here ranting about things that I know I'm guilty of myself.
Self therapy, I suppose. No real meaning, just a need to express what is constantly suppressed.