walking contradiction
I'm sitting here thinking how easy it was for me to change. How swift, like a fox, that it came upon me so fast. I can try and convince myself that I really haven't changed. What is a couple make-out buddies here and there? What is so terrible about making out at parties? It has become clear to me that I just go with the flow. One moral out the window one day another one following suit the next. Pretty soon what will be left?? Maybe it is a blessing in disguise when you guys call me a "whore bag" or a "make-out slut." I really want to change, but it is like I am numb to everything. Perhaps somebody drugged me in my sleep. Could this really be me on a heavy dose of novocaine? How does one go about change when she has no idea what to become. Where to go. And if anybody will follow. I have always wanted to be the girl who speaks her mind. The girl who has complete confidence in herself and is a tinge bit cocky. The girl others want to be. Most of all I don't want to be me. I hate the shy, invisible person I am. Sometimes I wonder if I disappeared would anybody notice? As I type this I get confused. Am I not the so called make-out slut, rapidly turning into an actual slut? I'm a walking contradiction. I can never decide on anything because I can see so many different sides of situations. Maybe I just go with the flow because I can't decide on which angle to go with.