(no subject)
so today i have officially been out of school for a week and four days. i have almost been a high school grad for a week and i cant believe where the time has gone. i mean it feels like just yesterday i was in tenth grade getting into all this trouble and doing so much stupid shit and now im out of school going to wayne state and becoming a social worker. i mean what the hell happened to all of this time? also my brother got flopped and given another year in prison, that kind sucks because to tell you the truth im really sick of losing a day to go and see him, no one may think thats fair but no one knows the shit he put me through, not just typical shit either. my brother was one hell of an ass. anyways back to the new shit, my friend tracy is being treated like shit, which she does not deserve, from her boyfriend. jessica is being a lil shit anymore, and the only friend that i seem to have anymore is my friend danielle. katie became a huge fucking druggie and is now in texas and i guess its all for the best anyways, all she did was bring me down and made people think less of me in the end. i dont know i do miss some of our times, because she had a point, not all of them were bad memories. i dunno. i guess i just have a grudge for what she did but thats all wasted energy. so is jealousy, but i cant help but have it, i hate that. i mean in my heart i know josh would never do anything to hurt me, but in my head i keep thinking that he did it before, he just might do it again. i know that sounds dumb and i know that people might think then why are you still with him if you feel that way, and i stay with him because i love him and all of him and who he is and all the stupid shit he has done and all of the mean things that he has said and all of the hurtfull things that has happened, i forgive that but i cant get over the hurt and pain that i still feel inside. i guess its stupid and i know it drives josh out of his mind but what can i do? he did it and i feel that he should pay for it, i know, but how long, is the next question that i have to answer, i dunno, as long as it takes for that hurt and pain that he caused to go away. as far as i know hes never cheated on me, i hope thats true. i always think he may have done it when he was at terrances house that night, but i only hope that he didnt, i cant seem to get these thoughts out of my head, i am such a jealous person, but at least i can admit it. there are so many people that cant. anyways im glad to have gotten that off my chest. buh bye.