Not Caring
Its that thing that kept me awake, that haunted me, and it put so many lines on my face-that one thing- the thing was how easy it was to not care. How simple it was to just flip a switch, one moment I'm caring and the next I'm not. The thought of it shook me down to my weakest bones. It was so wrong, it was everything horrible about this world, yet so seductive and so tempting. Just thinking of all the things I could not care about. Why couldn't I not care all the time? Not caring about getting dressed, doing my hair, or even not caring about him? The possibilities of what I could not care about were endless, stretching before me like infinity. I wouldn't have to shed a tear again, nobody would care. It was such a foolishly simple plan. Why I could even reduce the number of words I needed to say...I DONT CARE. Enough to clue in the slowest questions that she had no opinion-no interest-no care. I didnt care. The whole world could take offense to my words. It wouldn't matter, because I wouldn't be there to see their offense. This would be so time consuming, so much time that I would mistakenly forget to eat. Even forget to place the toaster in my bathtub full of hot water. I couldn't even not care about death. And when they buried my boiled body, they could totally engrave my headstone with:
SHE DID NOT CARE!!!
Why--I could start a trend. Everyone could marvel at the Idea and leave toasters about carelessly. The whole world would thank me...THE BRAVE ONE..for allowing themselves that not caring was the best. Except eventually someone would totally undoubtedly start to care again. That is just the way of all things. Not that I would care if that did
* I cant be afraid to be me
* I cant be afraid to care about everything
I have to tell myself that everyday!
----One of my best friends wrote that and it fits me right now...I would say who it was but I dont know if she knows that I still have it. So yea...but I love you all and hope things get better for everything. ----
SHE DID NOT CARE!!!
Why--I could start a trend. Everyone could marvel at the Idea and leave toasters about carelessly. The whole world would thank me...THE BRAVE ONE..for allowing themselves that not caring was the best. Except eventually someone would totally undoubtedly start to care again. That is just the way of all things. Not that I would care if that did
* I cant be afraid to be me
* I cant be afraid to care about everything
I have to tell myself that everyday!
----One of my best friends wrote that and it fits me right now...I would say who it was but I dont know if she knows that I still have it. So yea...but I love you all and hope things get better for everything. ----