"I lost it...sometimes you just lose it!"
Ugh...it has not been a good twenty-four hours.
Yesterday, I was supposed to go shopping with Eric for the "Little Miss Perfect" party last night. So, when Studios tried to bring me in, I didn't take the call because my day was planned to go shopping around 12-1ish. By the time Eric got over here, it was closer to 3. (So, could've worked.) We went to the Goodwill and were successful, but got very lost trying to find the JoAnn Etc. I ended up just driving to the one by my place. We went to the party, which was a very small affair, but still fun. I enjoyed my outfit and was happy with the $4 heels I got at Goodwill that I will wear again.
While at the party, Cole got a call from STAGE. He got cast as Oberon in Midsummer. I got excited and feverishly started to wait for my phone to ring. A few minutes later, Andrew texted that he got cast as Bottom. A little more excited, I put the phone in my pocket so I could hear it ring. A few hours went by and there was no phone call. By that time, it was 11pm and I knew no professional director would call that late. I let myself get very depressed and excused myself from the party for a few minutes.
A lot of thoughts were plaguing my mind:
Everyone left after the show. Cole and I tried to talk, but it was obvious we were both shaken about things. We talked a bit about the show and I told him -- honestly -- that I was very happy for him. I could tell he was stressed, but he wouldn't say a word as to what. It was after 2 by this point, so I slept there.
This morning, we both just sat on the couch and watched TV while he played on the computer. After about half an hour, I decided to leave. Once I got home, we talked online for a bit and he told me some of the things that were bothering him. Cole is such a dear friend to me. I feel bad that he's been so stressed out lately. I keep thinking back to December and how relaxed and happy he was...and bet he misses it as much as I do.
So, anyway...
I got home, sat myself on the couch, and decided to go apply for more jobs. I went on Craigslist and started searching for education positions and found a lot for day care centers looking for infant/toddler teachers, lots of teacher aides, before/after school, and more...spread throughout the greater Orlando area. Most of the places require/recommend that you have 40-45 hours of state approved training. I'm talking to my professors from college to see if Ohio would transfer over or if I have to take the hours again. It's all stuff I know. Thankfully, it can all be done online. (And I bet it costs a fortune.)
In other news, I miss having a printer/scanner. I filled out an application online and it needed my signature. I ended up taking a picture of my signature and uploading it to the document. I think the next time I go home I'm going to bring down my old printer.
Anyway, c'est la vie. I'm exhausted, bummed, stressed, and very concerned.
And it's the first day of Lent. How appropriate.
Yesterday, I was supposed to go shopping with Eric for the "Little Miss Perfect" party last night. So, when Studios tried to bring me in, I didn't take the call because my day was planned to go shopping around 12-1ish. By the time Eric got over here, it was closer to 3. (So, could've worked.) We went to the Goodwill and were successful, but got very lost trying to find the JoAnn Etc. I ended up just driving to the one by my place. We went to the party, which was a very small affair, but still fun. I enjoyed my outfit and was happy with the $4 heels I got at Goodwill that I will wear again.
While at the party, Cole got a call from STAGE. He got cast as Oberon in Midsummer. I got excited and feverishly started to wait for my phone to ring. A few minutes later, Andrew texted that he got cast as Bottom. A little more excited, I put the phone in my pocket so I could hear it ring. A few hours went by and there was no phone call. By that time, it was 11pm and I knew no professional director would call that late. I let myself get very depressed and excused myself from the party for a few minutes.
A lot of thoughts were plaguing my mind:
- I was the one who discovered the audition that Cole decided to go to. I was the one who prepared the monologue, practiced it, and brought in a full resume.
- The director seemed rather impressed...
- ...but maybe he didn't see anything in me. I did read awfully fast.
- I hope I get to be part of the fairy court. Yeah, it's what I did last time, but I'd get to interact with Cole and Andrew.
- I said no to non-speaking roles because I wanted my involvement to be worth my gas money. I wonder if I should have said yes because then I could have been just a random fairy. No lines, but still would get to be with Cole and Andrew.
- Would I be willing to take a non-speaking role to be in a play with them? Andrew keeps begging me to ask the director.
- He probably doesn't want me in the show. It's theatre...there's always so many more girls than guys. They probably had so many wonderful girls that they were making perfectly capable girls the two-line speaking fairies.
- It's going to break my heart if Cole and Andrew are at rehearsals all the time that I can't be at.
- This show was supposed to be a stress release...a way to relax from the stress of Disney Entertainment and rebuild my slowly shattering self-esteem. I've always been told I can act well. This audition should have been simple. Especially since I've done the show.
- I'm not getting cast. I can feel it. It always happens...whenever I give a damn about something and my friends who join in don't, they always get called and I don't. (Case in point -- I find Fairytale Friends and submit an application. I tell Cole, who also applies. He gets called two days later. I'm still waiting to hear back.)
- Maybe I should just give up on theatre and accept that I don't have the talent or the drive.
Everyone left after the show. Cole and I tried to talk, but it was obvious we were both shaken about things. We talked a bit about the show and I told him -- honestly -- that I was very happy for him. I could tell he was stressed, but he wouldn't say a word as to what. It was after 2 by this point, so I slept there.
This morning, we both just sat on the couch and watched TV while he played on the computer. After about half an hour, I decided to leave. Once I got home, we talked online for a bit and he told me some of the things that were bothering him. Cole is such a dear friend to me. I feel bad that he's been so stressed out lately. I keep thinking back to December and how relaxed and happy he was...and bet he misses it as much as I do.
So, anyway...
I got home, sat myself on the couch, and decided to go apply for more jobs. I went on Craigslist and started searching for education positions and found a lot for day care centers looking for infant/toddler teachers, lots of teacher aides, before/after school, and more...spread throughout the greater Orlando area. Most of the places require/recommend that you have 40-45 hours of state approved training. I'm talking to my professors from college to see if Ohio would transfer over or if I have to take the hours again. It's all stuff I know. Thankfully, it can all be done online. (And I bet it costs a fortune.)
In other news, I miss having a printer/scanner. I filled out an application online and it needed my signature. I ended up taking a picture of my signature and uploading it to the document. I think the next time I go home I'm going to bring down my old printer.
Anyway, c'est la vie. I'm exhausted, bummed, stressed, and very concerned.
And it's the first day of Lent. How appropriate.