"Ev'ryone else has a purpose, so what's mine?"
I apologize in advance. This post isn't going to be quite as sunny and cheerful as my others have been.
I'm in a rut. I thought I was out of it, but I'm still in it. Thankfully, I don't think I can sink any lower than I am right now.
It's the same rut...I'm bored with my routine of things...with wake up, go to Studios and be a spare/chill at Stars, come home and sit for a bit, cook, Josh comes home and we eat and watch a movie or some TV, go to bed, and repeat. Even on the days when Rob comes over, things don't change. Going bowling a few nights ago was fun and kept me distracted, but I'm back to this.
And I shouldn't be. I know one of the reasons I'm in this rut is because I'm losing the enjoyment of Stars. Yet, I was hanging out with Terk yesterday (which was a lot of fun), and today I was at Play-n-Dine, which is one of my favorite locations on property. I shouldn't be this down.
Also, in addition to everything, I now have this lovely bumpy rash on the surface of my left hand, and just a little on my right. It has me worried. I don't know if it's an allergic reaction to something or what. I stopped using the new soap we bought and just washed all of my clothes, towels, and bedding. I did some online research and it looks a little like scabies. Scabies is nothing serious, just an itchy rash. But it requires medical treatment and I hate anything medical. Frankly, I'm just scared of it. I don't yet have the nerve to go to an UrgentCare on my own. I talked to my dad about it and he suggested I keep using the cream the pharmacist recommended and keep an eye on it. My next two days off are Thursday and Friday. If it doesn't clear up by Friday, I'll go after color coding. I hope it's nothing that's going to take me away from work. Despite the rut, I do enjoy work.
To add to the rut, I did some more research today. Spectromagic is training right now and a lot of my friends are in it. Granted, they're all the taller boys, but still. They're getting trained, which is great for them. I went online to see who else was getting trained and saw a couple of people in my height range. Most are full- or part-time. But there are three college program girls who are getting trained, all of whom got here in January, at the latest. One of the girls I worked with today got here in February and she's getting trained.
I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
It's weird how life works. I remember back in college when things were getting rough, I kept telling myself that I had to stick things out because I had so much to look forward to: graduation, Disney, the summer, spending time with the guy I was dating, etc. Well, a year later, graduation came and went and nothing really happened. I still love Disney and I'm grateful to be down here. My summer that year was a mudslide. And I'm not with anybody anymore, so I can't look forward to that comfort and security.
If he and I were still together, this Wednesday would have been our seven year anniversary...the thought of that gives me chills in so many ways.
*sighs* I don't know. Among other things, I think I need some quality girl time with someone who really understands me.
Well, that's my pessimistic attitude. Now, let's try to be optimistic.
*sighs again* Anyway, so much for this installment of "Days of Our Nikki." I apologize it wasn't that cheerful and I hope this wasn't the first thing you read in the morning. But you'll be fine.
heh...y'know, for some random reason, I just thought back to the play I starred in my junior year in college: "An American Daughter." The last line from that play is completely fitting right now...and I would like to share it with you now.
"Our task is to rise and continue."
-- Dr. Lyssa Dent Hughes
"An American Daughter" by Wendy Wasserstein
I'm in a rut. I thought I was out of it, but I'm still in it. Thankfully, I don't think I can sink any lower than I am right now.
It's the same rut...I'm bored with my routine of things...with wake up, go to Studios and be a spare/chill at Stars, come home and sit for a bit, cook, Josh comes home and we eat and watch a movie or some TV, go to bed, and repeat. Even on the days when Rob comes over, things don't change. Going bowling a few nights ago was fun and kept me distracted, but I'm back to this.
And I shouldn't be. I know one of the reasons I'm in this rut is because I'm losing the enjoyment of Stars. Yet, I was hanging out with Terk yesterday (which was a lot of fun), and today I was at Play-n-Dine, which is one of my favorite locations on property. I shouldn't be this down.
Also, in addition to everything, I now have this lovely bumpy rash on the surface of my left hand, and just a little on my right. It has me worried. I don't know if it's an allergic reaction to something or what. I stopped using the new soap we bought and just washed all of my clothes, towels, and bedding. I did some online research and it looks a little like scabies. Scabies is nothing serious, just an itchy rash. But it requires medical treatment and I hate anything medical. Frankly, I'm just scared of it. I don't yet have the nerve to go to an UrgentCare on my own. I talked to my dad about it and he suggested I keep using the cream the pharmacist recommended and keep an eye on it. My next two days off are Thursday and Friday. If it doesn't clear up by Friday, I'll go after color coding. I hope it's nothing that's going to take me away from work. Despite the rut, I do enjoy work.
To add to the rut, I did some more research today. Spectromagic is training right now and a lot of my friends are in it. Granted, they're all the taller boys, but still. They're getting trained, which is great for them. I went online to see who else was getting trained and saw a couple of people in my height range. Most are full- or part-time. But there are three college program girls who are getting trained, all of whom got here in January, at the latest. One of the girls I worked with today got here in February and she's getting trained.
I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
It's weird how life works. I remember back in college when things were getting rough, I kept telling myself that I had to stick things out because I had so much to look forward to: graduation, Disney, the summer, spending time with the guy I was dating, etc. Well, a year later, graduation came and went and nothing really happened. I still love Disney and I'm grateful to be down here. My summer that year was a mudslide. And I'm not with anybody anymore, so I can't look forward to that comfort and security.
If he and I were still together, this Wednesday would have been our seven year anniversary...the thought of that gives me chills in so many ways.
*sighs* I don't know. Among other things, I think I need some quality girl time with someone who really understands me.
Well, that's my pessimistic attitude. Now, let's try to be optimistic.
- I only have two more spare shifts this week.
- I have Thursday off and am trying to make plans.
- On Friday, I have my color coding and I'm determined to walk out of their satisfied with my performance.
- I was able to register for waltzing 101 this morning.
- On Saturday, I get to see Wazowski for the first time in months.
- Next week, I can register for the quad skating workshop.
- Next week, I also have a dance party.
- The inline skating workshop is also this month.
- I have new puzzles to work on.
- Whitney and Kelly are moving down in about a week.
- Clifton and Clara will be down in three weeks; Crystal by mid-July; and hopefully Jason in late July.
- My parents are sending me down a replacement digital camera and a housewarming present.
*sighs again* Anyway, so much for this installment of "Days of Our Nikki." I apologize it wasn't that cheerful and I hope this wasn't the first thing you read in the morning. But you'll be fine.
heh...y'know, for some random reason, I just thought back to the play I starred in my junior year in college: "An American Daughter." The last line from that play is completely fitting right now...and I would like to share it with you now.
"Our task is to rise and continue."
-- Dr. Lyssa Dent Hughes
"An American Daughter" by Wendy Wasserstein